


I'll Never Sing Along

by mikripetra



Series: I'll Never Sing Along 'verse [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Battle, Canon-Typical Violence, Class Differences, Corruption, Crying, Emotional Manipulation, F/F, Fluff, Friendship, Gem Fusion, Gem War, Hurt/Comfort, It’s SU what did you expect, Lots of Crying, Pearl POV, Pearl Solidarity, Pearl-centric (Steven Universe), Rebellion, Renegade Pearl, Romance, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Social Anxiety, but also adorableness!!!!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2020-07-10 08:53:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 51,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19903084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikripetra/pseuds/mikripetra
Summary: Long before Steven, there was a Pearl that didn't fit in. She was all that Pink Diamond wanted: someone else who felt out of place. Someone who would love her unconditionally. Someone who Pink could control.This is a story of a rebellion, to be sure. A story of war, of fusion, of lies and betrayal. But most importantly, it's a story of a Pearl looking for love, and a Diamond that would do anything to be adored.{author name used to be fantasy_spoilers8}





	1. Where to Begin?

**Author's Note:**

> Some phenomenal animatics that heavily inspired this story:
> 
> https://youtu.be/IN2UmEa7U-k  
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mRm99yfFwPU  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=joiviKLNZWo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When she opened her eyes, she knew what she was supposed to do.
> 
> She was a Pearl. She was made to serve the Diamonds. 
> 
> But other than that, she was clueless.
> 
> Something was wrong.

In the beginning, there was darkness.

She didn’t exist. And then, suddenly, she did.

She could hear people talking, all around her. Muffled.

_No, one arm is too long. Make sure the essences meld correctly. Stars know what’ll happen if this one fails, too._

She could feel herself growing. A torso. A face. Four graceful limbs.

It worked, and then it didn’t. The limbs retracted. The face twisted.

The voices started up again. 

_Stabilize it, you sorry excuse for a Tourmaline!_

It was like all the pieces of her body didn’t want to stay together. They wanted to separate- she could feel four, distinct pulls in each direction.

Someone was screaming. Was it her?

She lost consciousness.

She wouldn’t remember this when she woke up. 

◊◊◊◊

When she opened her eyes, she knew what she was supposed to do.

She was a Pearl. She was made to serve the Diamonds. 

But other than that, she was clueless.

She should know more than that, shouldn’t she? It was like there was a pocket of information in her head, tightly locked away. She couldn’t access it, no matter how she tried.

“Pearl!” a voice barked. “This way.”

Pearl had never heard someone speak before. But she somehow knew what the words meant. She looked around for the speaker, but she was alone. 

A section of the wall to her right glowed pink. In a daze, she rose from where she was seated on the stone floor and reached out. The wall fell away as soon as she touched it. A face was revealed. 

Pearl began to laugh.

The face frowned. “What’s so funny?”

“Oh, nothing!” said Pearl with a grin. “It’s just very nice to meet you.”

The figure turned away with a huff and started to walk in the other direction.

“Wait!” Pearl called, tripping over her own feet in her haste to follow. “Who are you? Who am I? What is this place? Why am I-”

The figure turned so abruptly that Pearl almost slammed into her.

“I am Tourmaline Cut 7HO, Facet P8X9. Designation Researcher and Creator. You are a Pearl, and I am your superior. Everyone is your superior. Listen to your nature and act accordingly.”

Pearl frowned. What nature? She didn’t know anything about anyone. Except for the fact that Tourmaline was stuck up.

“This way,” the Tourmaline said haughtily.

Pearl had no choice but to follow. 

◊◊◊◊

The room was the grandest thing Pearl had ever seen. The ceiling towered over her, and she couldn’t help but wonder what life forms were tall enough to fit inside such a place.

There were two figures, hands folded behind their backs and eyes lowered, standing against the opposite wall. They were very monochromatic- one blue, one yellow. Not like Pearl. Pearl was a dizzying mess of all different colors.

But Pearl felt a burst of curiosity when she realized that if you discounted color schemes, these two looked just like her. The Tourmaline who had brought her here was stocky: thick, green arms, hair piled high on top of her head. These gems were slight. Graceful. A little pointy, if Pearl was being honest- but then again, so was she.

“I’ll leave you in their competent care,” said the Tourmaline. “They will prepare you for serving Pink Diamond.”

Pearl turned to thank her, but she was already gone. 

Pearl crossed the room to the other gems. “Hello! I guess you’re Pearls, too? It’s nice to see you. I’ve never met any other Pearls before.”

The yellow Pearl squinted at her. 

“My Diamond disapproves of your existence entirely,” she snapped, “and believes you should be shattered at the earliest possible moment.”

“My Diamond is not pleased with your existence,” the blue one added quietly, “but she wants Pink Diamond to be happy. She’ll convince Yellow Diamond soon enough.”

Pearl frowned. “Well, what do you think?”

Yellow Pearl’s eyes widened so far that Pearl was legitimately concerned that they would pop out of her head. _“What?”_

“I mean, that’s what your Diamonds think, but do you agree?”

Yellow Pearl dropped her head into her hands, a bit over-dramatically, if Pearl was being honest. “Oh my _stars_ , she’s even more defective than my Diamond first believed.”

“Defective?” Pearl laughed nervously. “I know I’m not entirely pink or anything, but I’m just as good as you are.”

The other Pearls glanced at each other.

“...Aren’t I?"

“No one explained this to you?” 

Slowly, Pearl shook her head. “Explained what?”

Yellow Pearl pulled a computer screen seemingly from thin air and began to type away at it. After a few moments, she hummed disdainfully.

“Well, to start with, most of this is terrible. You’ve got improper essence ratios, improper gem placement, incompatible personality traits, _extremely_ improper thought patterns…”

Pearl couldn’t help but bristle at that. “What do you mean improper?”

Yellow Pearl narrowed her eyebrows. “Well for one, you keep asking meaningless questions for no particular reason.”

Pearl glanced at Blue Pearl, but she remained silent. Pearl cast her eyes down.

Yellow Pearl continued to type away at the screen. “They managed to give you a few things that aren’t worthless. Storage capabilities, domestic skills, unconditional obedience, a good amount of deference...but an almost complete lack of knowledge of proper protocol.”

“You can see all of that on your screen?” Pearl blurted.

_She already told you to stop asking questions._

Yellow Pearl’s fingers paused, and Pearl’s gaze was met with a harsh glare. “Do you think you would be trusted with caring for _Pink Diamond_ if you hadn’t been thoroughly inspected?”

Pearl shifted uncomfortably. “No. I guess not.”

Yellow Pearl closed the screen with a sigh. “My Diamond instructed me to ensure that you won’t embarrass yourself at the ball tonight. So, we will teach you the proper protocol you must adhere to.”

“All right.”

Yellow Pearl’s squinted at Pearl disdainfully. “To start with, proper Pearls never speak unless prompted to do so by their owners. I was ordered to instruct you on protocol. You have yet to receive a single order from your Diamond.”

Pearl took a breath to answer, but shut her mouth just in time. She nodded instead.

Yellow Pearl hummed, unconvinced. “Secondly, once you are presented to her radiance, Pink Diamond, you are to bow deeply and salute, like this.”

Neither of the Pearls moved. Pearl raised an eyebrow in confusion, and Yellow Pearl coughed pointedly.

“Oh,” Blue Pearl breathed. She then crossed her ankles and bent her knees, lowering her head and placing her hands over her chest in a strangely contorted shape.

“Do we really have to do that?” Pearl whispered.

Yellow Pearl’s eyes looked as if they were going to pop out of her head. Pearl wondered absentmindedly if it hurt to have such a sour expression on your face all the time. 

“Yes,” Yellow Pearl hissed. “And if you weren’t defective, you would know that already.”

Pearl felt her cheeks burn with embarrassment.

“What did you _think_ all of the gigantic symbols everywhere were for? Decoration?”

Pearl suddenly noticed the pattern on the floor they were standing on. Four Diamonds, each with a distinct, rich color, came together to form one, cohesive shape. 

“Oh,” Pearl realized. “That’s the shape you made.”

Yellow Pearl sighed loudly.

 _“What?”_ she exclaimed, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “Are you telling me that the _Diamond salute_ makes a _Diamond_ symbol? Blue, did you know that? I’m utterly _shocked._ ”

“She didn’t know,” Blue Pearl said quietly. “It’s alright to give her a break.”

Yellow Pearl shot Blue Pearl a haughty look before continuing. “If Pink Diamond accepts you, you are to stand silently by her side for the duration of the ball. We will do the same for our Diamonds.”

 _If_ Pink Diamond accepts her? Was there really a chance that she would be rejected in front of all four courts? Pearl knew it was naïve, but she had actually thought that the Diamond she was made for might want her, too.

_Time to stop dreaming._

“Now for some everyday rules,” Yellow Pearl droned. “You’ll obey Pink Diamond’s every command whether you want to or not, but be sure to obey her _requests_ as well. If something is not phrased as an order, but in the form of a question or statement, you are to do your utmost to make it happen. When your Diamond does _not_ ask you to do things, it does not mean that you have nothing expected of you. Your job is to be intuitive. You must anticipate your Diamond’s every need and desire. And above all, you must do anything you can to make her _happy_. Each Diamond’s happiness is the primary reason for our existence in this world. We are here to please them, and to please them only.”

Pearl toed at a small crack in the floor. How much longer was she going to talk? Did she really enjoy hearing the sound of her voice that much? 

Yellow Pearl coughed pointedly again. Pearl didn’t look up.

“Well,” Yellow Pearl snapped after a moment. “I see this one wasn’t made with manners either. Keep an eye on her until the ball, Blue. My Diamond has more important matters for me to attend to.”

And with that, Yellow Pearl spun on her heel and began to walk down the hallway. She began to mutter loudly, appearing to talk to herself, but Pearl knew it was directed at her. 

“No thanks at all. She could have said anything- thank you for showing me the salute! Thank you for making sure that I won’t embarrass the entirety of Homeworld at the ball tonight! But _no,_ she stands there and stares at her discolored feet like she can’t even understand what I’m saying…”

Before long, the sound of Yellow Pearl’s voice drained away, and Pearl was left alone with her blue counterpart. 

Pearl stepped into the spot Yellow had vacated next to Blue and let the back of her head _thunk_ against the wall. Would Pink Diamond be as cruel as everyone else she had met today? Would she be tall enough to fill a room as large as this one? Pearl shivered at the thought. A creature of that size could easily squash her underfoot if she did something to displease them. 

Minutes passed. Pearl shifted from foot to foot. She wasn’t supposed to talk...right?

 _“I_ think your shoes are nice,” Blue Pearl murmured.

Pearl nearly jumped out of her skin. “My- oh! Thank you!”

Pearl let out a shaky breath. Could this other Pearl be a friend? She seemed very shy- her face was almost completely covered with a length of sleek, baby blue hair. 

Pearl raised her hand to her own scalp self-consciously. Did she have hair? She couldn’t see any of it. Yes, there it was- fluffy, curling around her cheeks and temples. Was that pink, at least? She hoped so. 

Pearl let her eyes wander around the room. At first, the opposite wall appeared to be simple, polished marble. She squinted her eyes in concentration and nearly jumped out of skin when she noticed. Dozens, _hundreds_ of eyes, whole faces with bodies and arms and legs and gems connected to them, were entangled with each other on the wall. Every pair of eyes was trained on her. More than a few of the (could they even be called gems?) _things_ were whispering to each other in hushed, unintelligible voices. It was clear what they were talking about. 

One of the gems in the corner was straining forward, its face red with the effort of trying to cleave itself from the wall. The gems next to it quickly reprimanded it for its behavior, and it fell back into the wall with a sigh. 

“What are they?” Pearl hissed. “Do they need help or something?”

Blue Pearl shook her head, almost imperceptibly. “We don’t talk about things like that.”

Pearl should’ve taken the hint. She should’ve shut her mouth and waited patiently for the ball.

She didn’t.

“That symbol on the floor,” Pearl began, “it has four shapes. Four colors. That’s for all four Diamonds, right?”

Blue Pearl nodded. 

“So why are there only three of us? What about White Diamond? Where’s her Pearl?”

The small part of Blue Pearl’s face that wasn’t obscured by her hair didn’t shift, but suddenly the air seemed rife with tension. 

“Yellow is right,” Blue Pearl said, her voice stilted. “You shouldn’t ask questions. It’ll only make things worse for you.”

Pearl turned back to the front. It might have been a trick of the light, but she could’ve sworn that in that moment, a single tear slid down Blue Pearl’s cheek before being quickly wiped away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading! As I said, I have most of this fic already written, so the next few chapters will be up very soon as I sort through all of my notes.
> 
> https://www.instagram.com/p/B4GfwZ8J5Fh/?igshid=jnc4yt52k7k


	2. Never Apologize.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For a few shining, frivolous moments, Pearl pictured herself in Pink’s place. Holding a sword firm in her grip- maybe one sword, like Pink, or maybe even two? It would take her a while, but she’d figure out how to fight gracefully. She’d make sure Pink would never have to fight again, if she didn’t want to. Pearl would slay all of Pink’s enemies and relish the feeling of her swords in her hands while she did it.
> 
> Pearl shook her head to clear it. What a strange thought! She had no idea where that had come from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based off of this comic: https://sabrebash.tumblr.com/post/135856936541/never-apologize

Pink Diamond was nothing like Pearl thought she’d be. 

The days had passed in a blur. Pearl kept falling over herself trying to anticipate all of Pink’s needs, but Pink would brush her away. She’d insist that she could do things herself. Pearl would nod, resume her post, and wonder- was Pink refusing Pearl’s efforts to help her because she thought Pearl was incompetent? Would Pearl be replaced if she didn’t step up her game?

Pearl didn’t think so. Pink Diamond was the kindest gem she’d ever met. Pearl couldn’t imagine her throwing Pearl out with the trash just because Pearl couldn’t anticipate her needs. 

Peal remembered the night of the ball where she had been presented to Pink Diamond like it was yesterday- the sweat pouring down her brow, the trembling in her limbs as she bowed low in front of the Diamonds in all their glory. Pink had stepped forward, lifted Pearl’s chin until their eyes met, and _smiled._ Pearl was so relieved that she was surprised she hadn’t melted into a puddle, right there in the ballroom.

“Pearl?” Pink called from her vanity, snapping Pearl out of her thoughts.

“Yes, my Diamond?”

“I’m going to go to the training room,” she said, hopping off the dais. “Would you like to come?”

Pearl blinked in surprise. “If...If that is what you wish, my Diamond.”

If Pearl didn’t know better, she’d say that Pink looked disappointed. “Yes. It is.”

Pearl nodded and followed her Diamond out the door. 

Pearl knew it was unusual for a Diamond to practice fighting, especially swordplay. But Pink was different from all the others. She was smaller, for one thing- she still towered over Pearl, but compared to the others, she was tiny. Easy to talk to. 

Pink had no reason to learn how to fight. She had whole armies to do that for her. 

But it wasn’t Pearl’s place to question her Diamond. 

They made their way through the halls, gems freezing in place to salute Pink as she passed. When they reached the training room, there were several Pezzottaites already waiting.

One stepped forward. “My Diamond. Would you enjoy sparring with one of us today?”

Pink grinned at them, but the smile didn’t reach her eyes. “Of course.”

◊◊◊◊

Pearl always enjoyed watching Pink. No matter what she was doing, really. But there was something special about watching her spar.

At first, the Pezzottaites would go easy on her, thinking that since she lived such a pampered and secluded life, she would be terrible with a sword.

How wrong they were. 

It took Pink poofing three of them in ten seconds flat for the others to start taking her seriously. All Pink gems had to get their fighting skills from somewhere, after all. 

Pearl watched her with a sense of wonder. Pink preferred fighting with a plain, steel sword instead of the dozens of ornate weapons lining the walls. For some reason, her preferred weapon didn’t have any decorations at all- not even the insignia of the Diamond Authority.

Pink fought like she was dancing. The grin on her face turned feral as she spun through the air, cutting through her opponents like they were made of paper. There was something Pearl appreciated about the movement that had nothing to do with Pink herself. Pearl found herself mesmerized by the _swish_ of the sword through the air, the shifting of Pink’s feet on the floor, the _clang_ of swords as they met in a struggle of wills. 

Pearl had nothing to do while Pink was sparring. So her traitorous mind wandered. 

For a few shining, frivolous moments, Pearl pictured herself in Pink’s place. Holding a sword firm in her grip- maybe one sword, like Pink, or maybe even two? It would take her a while, but she’d figure out how to fight gracefully. She’d make sure Pink would never have to fight again, if she didn’t want to. Pearl would slay all of Pink’s enemies and relish the feeling of her swords in her hands while she did it.

Pearl shook her head to clear it. What a strange thought! She had no idea where that had come from. 

Pink eventually got bored of sparring and headed to leave. She was nearly late for a meeting with Yellow Diamond, anyway. 

Pink didn’t seal the door behind her as they left. She left it slightly, tantalizingly ajar. 

Pearl opened her mouth, ready to tell Pink that she had left the door open by mistake. But Pink smiled at her like she knew something Pearl didn’t, and the words died in her throat. 

Pink had probably meant to leave it open.

It wasn’t Pearl’s place to ask questions, anyway. 

◊◊◊◊  


Yellow Diamond had whisked Pink away to one of her colonies for the rest of the day- something about Pink gaining experience in the field. Their Pearls weren’t needed.

Pearl had tried to make conversation with Yellow Pearl, but she’d turned up her nose and stalked off in the opposite direction. Pearl was alone, with nothing to do.

She could tidy Pink’s things, of course. But Pink didn’t like having her things tidied. She liked being in control of her own possessions, and how could Pearl blame her for that?

Pearl should go back to Pink’s room and wait for her Diamond to return. That’s what all the other Pearls would do. 

Her feet carried her to the training room before she fully realized what she was doing. 

The door was still open, all right. Pearl could’ve sworn that it was inviting her inside.

Pearl glanced over her shoulder. The hall was deserted. Even if someone saw her enter the training room, they’d assume she was on business for Pink. If someone saw her with a sword in her hands, however…

She’d make sure that didn’t happen.

Pearl darted into the room and closed the door with a _click._ She couldn’t lock it herself- only a higher ranking gem could do that. But hopefully no one would think twice to check if the door seals were engaged.

The wall of weapons leered at her from across the room.

Pearl stared it down.

She crossed the room and lifted Pink’s favorite sword from its hook. This would probably draw the least attention- she could bluff her way out of the situation if someone caught her with it. 

Pearl drew the sword out of its sheath, fumbling with the handle. It made a harsh scraping sound as she pulled it out, and she couldn't hide her cringe. The sound filled up the entire room. Couldn’t the sword have enough common decency to be quieter?

She placed the sheath on the floor and held the sword in her hand, trying to copy Pink’s movements. Stars, this sword was heavy. The tip dragged on the floor as she tried to lift it with her weak arm. How did Pink manage to hold this thing, much less fight with it?

If she used both her hands and planted her feet, she could lift the sword a few feet off the floor. Clumsily, she tried to copy the movements she’d seen Pink make. Step forward, thrust. Step back, block. She nearly fell over once she lifted one of her feet off the ground.

A sound echoed through the room.

A small chuckle. From behind her.

The sword fell from her hands. It hit the floor with a resounding _clang,_ but Pearl barely heard it. 

She would know that chuckle anywhere.

Pearl turned her head, slowly, her whole body shaking in fear. 

The sight of her Diamond watching her made her feel so sick that she was honestly surprised she didn't pass out on the spot. 

“Pink Diamond!” she choked out.

Pink tilted her head, amused. _Yes?_

“I-I’m so sorry, my Diamond, I was just, uh…”

She scrambled to pick the sword off the ground and placed it hastily back in its sheath, hanging it back on the wall where it belonged.

She could feel Pink’s eyes on the back of her neck. 

Her Diamond had seemed amused, at first, but surely that was a facade. Pearl shouldn’t have taken this chance. What was she thinking, trying to teach herself to fight? It went against her nature. She was made to stand around, look pretty, and fulfill her Diamond’s every request. She wasn’t made to fight. She _certainly_ wasn’t made to go behind her Diamond’s back and do whatever she wanted. 

Pearl turned back around. There was no use in delaying the inevitable. 

Instead of the rage she was expecting, Pink Diamond still had a small smile on her face. Pearl couldn’t figure out what it was for.

Pink crossed over to Pearl. Pearl tensed, bracing herself, but Pink reached for the wall of swords, instead. She picked up a sword that was much smaller and more ornate than the one Pearl had used- in her hands, it looked like a toothpick. 

Pearl swallowed reflexively.

Pink drew the sword from its sheath, feeling the balance of it in her hand. Her eyes locked with Pearl's, and she knew.

Pearl fell to her knees. This was the end. She had finally gone too far. Her Diamond was going to shatter her, right here in the training room. 

Pearl closed her eyes and braced for death.

“Would you like to learn how to use one of these properly?” Pink asked, her voice soft as silk.

Pearl’s eyes snapped open. Pink had knelt down to Pearl’s level. She was holding her sword out to Pearl- not in a threat, but in an invitation. 

“I-” Pearl felt tears roll down her cheeks. “Yes, my Diamond. So much, but I…”

_I shouldn’t. I’m not allowed. I don’t deserve your mercy._

Pink’s grin widened. “Alright, then.” 

Pink held her free hand out to Pearl. Pearl took it, and stood. 

Pink moved behind Pearl, her palm hot and broad on Pearl’s shoulder, and placed the sword in Pearl’s hands. She adjusted Pearl’s grip with her free hand. Pearl had never been this energized in her life. Her knees were very close to buckling.

“Everything begins with your stance.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I find Pink/Rose and Pearl's relationship so utterly fascinating. I hope you think I portrayed it accurately! I can't wait to show you how I explore it in further chapters.
> 
> Next chapter will be up soon :D


	3. A House of Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Most of her mind was not thinking at all, cogs and gears frozen in place by the sight of Pink and her impossible creations. It was very strange. 
> 
> “Don’t you think it’s miraculous that emotions can create life like this?” Pink asked.
> 
> Pink was specifically asking for Pearl’s thoughts. What could she do but reveal them? 
> 
> “I think,” Pearl began, “that you are miraculous.”
> 
> Pink’s eyes widened in surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.instagram.com/p/BsGoUeTleW1/?igshid=40zi7wobv4i3
> 
> https://www.instagram.com/p/B9e85Z1pJSq/?igshid=104gmkbiemhbo

A gentle, pointed cough.

Pearl turned. “Hello? Who’s there?”

The stretch of wall behind her began to shift.

A figure emerged. 

She was obviously another Pearl. She had roughly the same gemstone, a similar body structure, but…

There was something deeply wrong with her. It was as if she didn’t exist. Her body seemed rigid and translucent, her arms held stiffly upward. She had pale white skin, and was clad in equally dull shades of grey and black. And, oh stars, her _eye…_

The left side of her face was a mess of thin cracks extending outward from where her eye should be. Pearl wondered with an increasing sense of horror what kind of soulless creature could do such a thing. And then she realized. 

This must be White Diamond’s Pearl. 

Pearl had to use every ounce of control she possessed to resist running in the opposite direction.

“White Diamond,” the Pearl announced, her gaze fixed on a point above Pearl’s head, “requests the presence of Pink Diamond in her chamber. Immediately.”

Pearl nodded slowly. “I’ll let her know. She was just looking at the Tourmalines’ latest experiment with-”

“Your involvement is not required, hybrid.”

Pearl bristled. What did she mean by _that?_

“Please return to Pink Diamond’s quarters,” White Pearl continued, “and await further orders.”

Pearl glanced nervously at the door Pink had gone through. Pink had asked her to wait outside. She really shouldn’t disobey. But this was White Diamond’s Pearl. Surely whatever White Diamond had in mind superseded Pink’s authority. And Pink had _asked_ her to wait here- she hadn’t ordered her to. 

Pearl nodded. “All right. I’ll go back to-”

Before she could finish her sentence, she was encased in a bubble, and everything went white. 

Pearl heard herself scream. A terrible, shrill sound, that even to her ears was full of fear and weakness.

The white bubble surrounding her began to roll sideways. She had a dais of some sort to stand on, so at least she wasn’t being thrown to the ground. But who knew where it was going to take her? Pearl cursed her own stupidity. She never should have listened to that Pearl. If only she had had the foresight to store one of Pink’s swords in her gem, she could have easily escaped this mess. But if another gem found her with a weapon...well. That would be a disaster. Perhaps it was better that she was unprepared, after all.

Pearl would just have to figure out something else. 

She didn’t have much to work with. The moving bubble barely gave her enough room to spread her arms out on either side of her, and she had no tools with her. 

That wasn’t strictly true. She _did_ have her body, no matter how weak and feeble it might be. 

The bubble began to roll to the left. Pearl gathered all her strength and _pushed,_ hard, to the right. 

There was a groaning sound as her hands sunk into the gooey, malleable side of the bubble. But after a moment, it popped, sending Pearl tumbling to the floor. She looked around. There was no sign of it at all. It was like it had never been there. 

Pearl got to her feet, dusting her skirt off. A cursory glance around told her that she was halfway to Pink Diamond’s room. Perhaps it had been slightly foolish to lose her head inside that bubble- it had probably just been taking her to Pink’s room. But something deep inside Pearl roared at the idea of being captured and handled in such a way. She could get there on her own two feet, thank you very much. 

Pearl made it all of three steps down the hallway before she was thrown to the ground. 

There were shuddering, banging _thuds_ rocking the floor. It was as if someone nearby was pacing back and forth- someone very large, very impatient, and _very_ angry.

Pearl could hear the faint sounds of shouting coming from the left. She inched forward, making sure to keep her back to the wall, straining to listen. 

“...incompetent, irresponsible, _abnormal-”_

That was Yellow Diamond. No one else had such a plethora of words all meaning the same thing in their vocabulary. 

“Give her a chance, Yellow,” pleaded Blue Diamond’s unmistakable, lilting voice. “Pink will grow back into herself. It’s only a matter of time until she can make proper gems again.”

The footsteps paused.

A scoff. “Have you _seen_ the garbled mess she made of her Pearl?”

Pearl tensed. They hadn’t spotted her, but she felt like she was being watched. It was very strange to hear people talk about you when you weren’t in the room. 

And what was with people insulting her today? 

_Hybrid. Garbled mess._

They were very specific insults. Was there truth behind them, perhaps? Was something else going on?

Pearl shook her head to clear it. It wasn't her place to wonder about things like that. It _definitely_ wasn't her place to eavesdrop.

She didn't move.

“What do you expect?” asked Blue exasperatedly. “It’s not like that Pearl is ever going to fully belong to her. White took that away. Pink can’t even have ownership over her own gems. Would you be docile and orderly if you had your powers stripped away like that?”

A pause.

“Let it rest for a few centuries,” Blue said quietly. “I think she’s been punished enough.”

“Fine,” Yellow sighed. “But this doesn’t mean I like it.”

“You know White is tearing into her as we speak for the organics she let escape on Omikron-30 last cycle.”

Pearl’s eyes grew wide with panic. Was Pink in danger? Had Pearl abandoned her in her time of need? Stars, why was she so _stupid?_

The footsteps started up again, growing louder with each stroke. Pearl realized with growing horror that the Diamonds must be coming her way. 

She sprinted across the hall and ran into Pink’s room, closing the door behind her with a sigh of relief.

Alone at last.

She cracked an eye open. Perhaps not.

Someone was humming from somewhere in the room. It was a faint, pleasant sound, but unnerving nonetheless.

Pearl scanned her surroundings. There was no one there but her.

“Hello, Pearl!”

Pearl nearly jumped out of her skin. 

“Who’s there?” she asked, spinning wildly to find the source of the voice.

“Yoo-hoo!” There was a tugging on her leg.

She looked down in bewilderment to find a small, grey creature clutching her knee. Even stranger was the wide smile on its face.

“Pink made a pretty Pearl!” it exclaimed.

Another creature jumped up, hanging from her elbow. “Hello, Pearl!”

A chorus of at least a dozen other voices echoed the sentiment.

“I- what-” 

“Oh, don’t mind them!” came Pink’s voice. “They’re just playing around with you.”

Pearl turned. There was Pink, sitting at her vanity table, messing around with the little trinkets she had stored there, just like always. 

Pearl sagged in relief. “Oh, my Diamond, thank the stars! I thought White Diamond had done something awful to you.”

Pink sniggered. “No, she was just annoyed that I had fun on one of Blue’s colonies while she was stuck here on Homeworld the whole time. It’s fine. The whole thing was over in a minute. She really has a soft spot for me, you know. She just scolds me to make Yellow feel better.”

Pink strode over to her and plucked the tiny creatures off her body, placing them into a tiny hatch in the floor that hadn’t been there a second ago. 

Pearl vaguely registered her mouth hanging open in wonder. 

Pink tilted her head. “Are you curious?”

Pearl straightened, remembering herself. “Would you like me to be curious, my Diamond?”

Pink sighed. “Pearl, be honest with me. Do you want to know what those creatures are?”

“Yes.” The word was ripped from her throat of its own volition.

Pink pursed her lips, thinking. Her expression brightened. "I know! How about a demonstration?" 

Pearl’s head shot up. “Oh! Well- yes, my Diamond, very much so, if that is what you’d-”

“Perfect!”

Pink strode over to her vanity table, where a small tray filled with inanimate stones was placed. She lifted a stone from the tray and cupped it in her hands, bringing it directly under her face. She squinted fiercely at it, as if she were attempting to glare it into submission.

“My Diamond?”

Pink shushed her. “Be quiet. I’m concentrating.”

Pink shut her eyes, and for several moments, nothing happened.

Pink’s face began to contort. Pearl was instantly on high alert. Was she in pain? Had something gone wrong?

But Pearl was frozen to the spot. Pink had instructed her to be quiet. She couldn’t cry out, even if she wanted to- her jaw might as well have been wired shut.

Two tears spilled from Pink’s eyes, running down her face and dripping from her chin onto the pebble she still cradled in her palms. 

And Pink was back. A huge grin spread across her face, her cheeks still ruddy from exertion. “There we go! Sorry, Pearl, I needed to think about something sad for it to happen. You can talk now.”

Pearl rubbed her now-loose jaw for a moment. “For what to happen, my Di-”

“Hello!” squeaked a small voice.

Pearl gasped in alarm. The stone in Pink’s hands had made the sound. This tiny clump of rock now had two eyes, tiny, flailing limbs, and a wide smile. If Pearl wasn't mistaken, it had a gemstone, too- just a strange looking one.

“I call them pebbles,” Pink explained with a grin. “They were sort of an accident, really, but apparently, I can create them with my tears. They're like...mini-gems. They don't have any real powers besides basic shapeshifting and being adorable. Blue, and Yellow and White? They pride themselves on being emotionless. On not feeling anything for anyone. But emotions have so much potential. Look what they can create!”

A small part of Pearl’s mind was whirring with the possibilities. Pink had created a new form of inorganic life, through _tears?_ Were the chemical elements that made up her powers being expelled through this new form? Or was this something else entirely? Could larger creatures be created, if the substance was studied?

The much larger part of her mind, however, was not thinking any of those things. Most of her mind was not thinking at all, cogs and gears frozen in place by the sight of Pink and her impossible creations. It was very strange. 

"Don't you think it's miraculous that emotions can create life like this?" Pink asked.

Pink was specifically asking for Pearl’s thoughts. What could she do but reveal them? 

“I think,” Pearl began, “that _you_ are miraculous.”

Pink’s eyes widened in surprise.

“For- forgive me, my Diamond, I only meant-”

Pink held up a hand, a silent order to stop her rambling. “It’s alright. You’re very kind.”

There was an awkward pause. Pearl looked away.

“Pebbles!” Pink called. “Come meet your new friend!”

Dozens of the pebble creatures Pearl had seen before came rushing out of all the crevices in the room, babbling and calling out to their newest member.

With a laugh, Pink set her pebble gently back onto the table, where it was instantly whisked away by the others.

“Where are they taking it?” Pearl asked.

“To fit it for clothes,” Pink grinned. “Isn’t it marvelous? They can’t manipulate the aesthetic parts of their forms like we can, so I thought, why not let them create their own garments out of fabric? They’re absolutely adorable. I think I might try it some time.”

Pink beckoned Pearl over with a hand. Pearl crossed over to her side, glancing around to make sure she didn’t accidentally step on a pebble. 

“Down there!” Pink said, pointing to the space behind her table.

Pearl hopped up onto the table and peered down, her feet dangling off the ground. Sure enough, the pebbles were hard at work, creating a tiny outfit for the pebble Pink had just created.

Pearl found herself giggling. “They’re adorable, my Diamond.”

Pearl turned back to look at Pink, who was beaming.

“I’m so glad you think so.”

Pearl blushed fiercely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pearl being an Anxious Disaster Gay™? In MY fic? It’s more likely than you’d think.
> 
> I hope you like all the little hints I planted throughout this chapter! What do you think the deal is with Pearl? Let me know in the comments!
> 
> The next chapter will be up very soon!! We're almost ready for Earth, Garnet, and a whole lot of other surprises :)


	4. A Colony of Her Own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yellow pinched the bridge of her nose. “I don’t have time for this. I have Ametrines ready to emerge, dropships ready to begin colonization of another planet, and a thousand other things that are more important than you!”
> 
> Pink flinched. Pearl’s hands twitched, desperate to reach out to her.

“You’re  _ wasting _ my  _ time.” _

Pearl couldn’t draw her eyes away from the Diamond pacing up and down the floor of the moon base.

So much had happened since Pearl had last been to Homeworld. Throughout every second of it, only one thought had crossed Pearl’s mind:  _ This was a terrible idea.  _

Pearl wasn’t sure what she was referring to, when she thought that. But the phrase was a constant banging in her head.

Pink badgering the other Diamonds until they caved and gave her a colony of her own.  _ This was a terrible idea.  _ Pink deciding to go to the Prime Kindergarten and visit the Quartz soldiers.  _ This was a terrible idea.  _ Pearl, coming up with a form Pink could shapeshift into so no one would notice her presence.  _ This was a terrible idea.  _

Pearl’s worst idea was allowing Rose to explore the Earth. It wasn’t like she could’ve prevented it, of course, but she still felt responsible. 

She tried her best. She tried to get her to quiet down, to stop attracting attention, to only look at things that made her happy. She failed, inevitably. Pink was used to the other Diamonds trying to rule her life; she’d never listen to a Pearl, even if said Pearl had her best interests in mind.

Then there was the other problem. Pink Diamond had been beautiful, of course, but in the way that the rolling fields and oceans of Earth were beautiful. They were regal, unattainable, and pristine.

Rose Quartz, however…

She was gorgeous. 

“Rose Quartz” was so much more accessible than Pink’s original form. Her presence put Pearl at ease, for some reason- she knew Pink Diamond was there, underneath, but she didn’t seem nearly as terrifying. Rose seemed like someone Pearl might be able to spend time with, just because she wanted to. She was adorable, giggling over the human children and hugging Amethysts so hard they might crack. 

She was even beautiful when she was sad. Pearl had fretted over her when she cried, gazing in horror at the wasteland created by the Kindergartens. But even then, Pearl had been amazed. 

Pearl couldn’t help but feel drawn to Pink Diamond, no matter what form she was in. It wasn’t just the quirk of biology that made her have to fulfill Pink’s every need. Pearl  _ wanted  _ Pink to be happy; she didn’t just feel obligated to make it happen.

Now  _ that  _ was a terrible idea.

Worse still, Pink seemed to encourage it. She wanted Pearl to think for herself. It went against everything Pearl had ever been taught, intrinsically or otherwise. She was created to serve Pink Diamond. But Rose wanted Pearl to serve herself.

As soon as she realized what her invasion was doing to the planet, Pink had been ready to fight. She had always been good at telling stories to amuse herself. Pink wanted to create a story where she would be the hero: a rebellion against the Diamonds, set on driving every last gem off of Earth. 

Pearl had begged her to reconsider. She had reluctantly agreed to speak to the other Diamonds beforehand- try, desperately, to get them to reconsider the colonization.

To say it wasn’t going well would be the understatement of the century.

Yellow Pearl stood next to her, prim and arrogant as ever, her nose upturned and her eyes fixed on her Diamond. Pearl couldn’t do anything but watch, miserably, as Pink was ignored. 

“You have so many worlds,” Pink was saying, her arms stretched wide. “Haven’t you ever taken the time to go onto the surface and spend time with the life there?”

“No, Pink,” Yellow Diamond growled, “because I behave properly!”

“How do you know that?” Pink fired back. “Maybe I’m the one behaving properly, and you and Blue are the ones acting like monsters.”

Yellow pinched the bridge of her nose. “I don’t have time for this. I have Ametrines ready to emerge, dropships ready to begin colonization of another planet, and a thousand other things that are more important than you!”

Pink flinched. Pearl’s hands twitched, desperate to reach out to her. 

Yellow sighed. “Just- stay here. Go back to Homeworld, if you must. But do not spend any more of your time gawking at primitives.”

“They don’t deserve to die, Yellow,” said Pink sadly. “There has to be a better way.”

Yellow crossed to the door before pausing. Her back was to Pink, but Pearl could see the conflicted expression on her face. “I thought being in charge of a colony would finally make you start to act like a leader. It seems I was wrong.”  
  
  


◊◊◊◊

  
  


Most other gems never get the opportunity to visit a moon base. It’s only the Diamonds, the elite, and their possessions. Their Pearls.

What most don’t realize is that moon bases are filled to the brim with personal artifacts. There was a reason Pink Diamond’s base was a tower- each floor was filled with things she could spend her time amusing herself with. A garden. A vanity mirror. A bathtub modeled after Blue’s, filled with lesser gems more than happy to be of service. There was even a fully-equipped training room. The other Diamonds didn’t approve, of course, but they were willing to let minor things slide by for their Pink. 

As soon as Yellow Diamond warped away with her Pearl, Pink took it upon herself to smash every last thing in the moon base that wouldn’t interfere with Earth. The computer, of course, remained untouched. But everything else was in shambles. 

Pearl couldn’t do anything but watch her rage and howl at the walls, her superior strength shattering steel like glass. 

Pearl closed her eyes. She could see Pink’s room in her mind’s eye, if she concentrated hard enough. She and Pink weren’t at the moon base. Pink wasn’t destroying all of her possessions in a fit of anger, destined to never get what she wanted. The two of them were balanced on her vanity, peering over the side, and watching the pebbles do their work. Everything was wonderful. There was nothing to worry about at all.

“Pearl.”

Pearl’s eyes snapped open. “Y-yes, my Diamond?”

Pink turned to look at her, chest heaving with exertion. Her eyes were shining. “I’m sorry.”

And just like that, Pearl unfroze. 

She ran over to Pink and placed a hand on the part of her arm that she could reach. “Don’t say that, my Diamond. Everything will be alright. If you’ll forgive me, I have to say, I completely understand why you're so upset at Yellow Diamond. She was...she was…”

The hint of a smile crossed Pink’s face. “Yes?”

Pearl felt her face grow warm. 

“She was even ruder than your Amethysts!” she blurted out. 

Pink laughed. The sound made Pearl all but melt into a puddle.

“I suppose you’re right.” 

Pearl ducked her head to hide her grin. 

She walked past Pink and began to clear away some of the debris left by her tantrum. It was her job, after all. 

“Pearl?” Pink called.

“Yes?”

Pearl turned and promptly dropped everything she was holding. 

She wasn’t looking at Pink, anymore. 

It was that Quartz persona that Pearl had imagined for her. Rose Quartz.

Rose.

Pearl had seen Rose a good two-dozen times by now on their haphazard journeys to Earth, but her appearance still managed to stun her stupid. 

All Pearl wanted to do was run her fingers through Rose’s hair. What would it feel like? It would probably be the softest, lightest thing she had ever touched in her life-

“I have a question for you.”

Pearl’s eyes shot to Rose’s. “Anything.”

“Who do you belong to?” Rose asked. 

Pearl swallowed reflexively. She knew what she was supposed to say. They had done this before. 

“No one,” she said mechanically. “I belong to no one.”

For the life of her, she couldn’t figure out why Rose wanted her to say this. But it wasn’t her duty to question. It was just getting harder and harder for her to remind herself of that.

“Rose,” Pearl began, the word foreign in her mouth.

“Yes?” Rose asked, tilting her head to the side.

Pearl momentarily lost all of her gumption, content to just fall into Rose’s arms. But she needed to say this.

“What if I  _ want  _ to belong to you?”

Rose’s eyes were filled with an acute kind of pity and condescension. Pearl couldn’t stand it. 

“My Pearl. They’ve made you think that you need to belong to someone to be important. But you don’t.”

Rose stepped forward and cupped Pearl’s face in her warm, soft hands.

“You’re not like the other Pearls. Didn’t you wonder? Didn’t you sense it?” 

She knew what Rose was getting at. But it went completely against what everyone had taught her on Homeworld. How could it be a good thing to be unique? 

“You can be your own gem,” Rose continued, “and so can I. Isn’t that just marvelous?”

Pearl hurried to agree with her. But she couldn’t help but feel that painful twinge in her heart. That bone-deep longing to belong to someone the way the other Pearls did. 

She would just have to live with it.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting to the good bit now!!!


	5. Never Question This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nearly going cross-eyed, Garnet glanced down at the swords pressing into her throat. 
> 
> Wait. Swords? Plural?
> 
> "Pearl?" Garnet asked.
> 
> Instead of retracting, the swords tightened.
> 
> "What are you doing here?"

Going after Blue Diamond was reckless. 

Pearl had been opposed to it since Rose first came up with the idea. While Blue Diamond probably wouldn’t even glance at Pearl (she never looked at her twice when she was working in the palace, anyway), she was sure to recognize Rose for who she was. There was no way some simple shapeshifting could fool a Diamond. What if they were captured? Rose would be stripped of all her powers as Pink Diamond, probably forced to live out the rest of her days in that despicable tower cell she’d told Pearl about. As for Pearl, she’d almost certainly be shattered…

But this wasn’t about her. This was about Rose. 

Of course, Pearl voiced none of her concerns. Pearl had to be the backbone of their small rebellion. She took pride in the fact that Rose relied on her and her alone. Everything, all of the violence and lying and running around, all of it was worth it, because at the end of the day, Pearl knew that Rose was  _ hers. _

But Pearl hadn’t stayed entirely silent. She’d just mastered the art of arguing without seeming to argue.

“You believe we should attack Blue Diamond’s court?” she had asked tentatively.

“Definitely,” Rose had said, a smile tugging at her lips. “It’s the only way to make sure that all of them see us as a real threat.”

“But our attacks on the Kindergartens have garnered a lot of attention.” 

And they had. Quartz soldiers had come running to Pink, informing her about the rebels. Pink’s gems had started all kinds of rumors and stories about them. That they had an army of thousands of gems, organics, and other creatures that no one had ever heard of. That they had made plans to conquer Homeworld. That Rose Quartz wasn’t a gem at all, but an organic beast that had burst out of the Earth’s crust, ready to murder every gem she came across. 

Pearl was particularly fond of the title they’d given her: Rose Quartz’s terrifying, renegade Pearl. She still chafed against the role that Rose had cast her in, but there was something wonderful about being able to use her skills, openly show that she was just as smart and capable as all the other gems around her.

The Quartzes had also come up with a name for their rebellion- the “Crystal Gems.” Pearl hadn’t been partial to it, at first, but Rose had liked it. It stuck. 

“And anyway,” Rose continued, “it’ll be fun, won’t it? To see the look on Blue’s face when all those stuffy gems of hers get decimated by a Quartz and a Pearl?”

Pearl had swallowed her retort. Apparently, she still had a lot to teach herself about self-control. “Very fun, my Diamond.”

Pearl and Rose had spent the past few months doing their best to attract Homeworld’s attention. All they’d really done so far is stage a (failed) protest in the Beta Kindergarten, ambush a few Jaspers working on further excavation, and hack the computer systems of Peridots attempting to inject more gems into Earth’s surface.

Small, isolated incidents, designed to make Rose feel better about what she was doing. They weren’t really causing any true change. Pearl was holding her back as much as she could, hoping against hope that Rose would abandon this plan and go back to Homeworld where she belonged. Where they both belonged.

But in the meantime, it was alright to have a little fun. It was exhilarating to see the look on those gems’ faces when a Pearl managed to reduce their computer systems to useless lumps of metal.

They started their raid on Blue’s court with a stakeout. With her empathetic powers, Rose could not only raise a protective bubble around the two of them, but she could attach an emotion to it as well. This time, she encased the two of them in a swath of hostility and confusion. Just being near it made Pearl’s ears pop.

_ Stay away,  _ the bubble screamed to everyone who dared to go near it.  _ There’s nothing to see here. _

Even though Pearl had seen Rose’s powers succeed time and time again, she couldn’t help the bolt of anxiety racing through her as they inched slowly through Blue Diamond’s court. But Rose’s shield held, and not a single gem noticed them as they headed straight for Blue Diamond’s palanquin.

They stopped just before the entrance, and Pearl felt wracked with an emotion she couldn’t describe as she caught sight of Blue Diamond’s Pearl. The other Pearl was just standing there, head bowed, hands folded, just as she was meant to do. Pearl would never admit it, but part of her...missed that. Missed the simplicity of it. She knew exactly what she was supposed to do, exactly who she was supposed to serve, and exactly how every aspect of her life would be. Now, everything was unpredictable. 

Life now, on the run with Rose, definitely excited her, and she loved any minute she got to spend with her Diamond. But she couldn’t help but feel pulled toward Blue Diamond’s Pearl. It was like a piece of her old life had been plucked from her memory and placed in her path, just for the sole purpose of reminding her of all of her doubts.

Every part of her seemed to be saying,  _ What are you doing? You weren’t made for this. _

But she was. She was made to serve her Diamond in any way she could. And this was the only way Rose would be happy.

Pearl almost jumped ten feet in the air when Rose nudged her arm.

“Hey,” Rose breathed. “She’s bringing her Sapphire in now.”

Pearl shook herself out of her stupor and began to eavesdrop on the conversation happening inside.

“...attacking the Cloud Arena,” the Sapphire was saying. “Before they are cornered, they will destroy the physical forms of seven gems, including two of my Ruby guards and myself.”

Pearl smirked. Of course they could easily destroy seven gems between the two of them in a matter of seconds. Was Blue Diamond really surprised to hear that?

Wait.  _ Before they are cornered? _

“Immediately after my form is destroyed,” the Sapphire continued, “the rebels will be captured. The rebellion ends here.” 

Pearl glanced worriedly at Rose. 

“Thank you, Sapphire,” came Blue Diamond’s ever-gentle voice. “That’s all I needed to know.”

A growl ripped its way out of Rose’s throat. She charged forward, but Pearl grabbed her arm.

Rose turned, her mouth falling open in shock. “Pearl?”

Pearl thought quickly. “Don’t you think we should go for an entrance that’s a bit more...dramatic?”

  
  


◊◊◊◊

  
  


The battle was over. 

They had two- no,  _ one _ more gem on their side. That was a success, Pearl supposed. Logically, it was a success.

But Pearl  _ hated  _ the fusion.

It had been just her and Rose for so long. They didn’t need anyone else. Everything was fine with just the two of them.

And if they had more gems on their side, that meant that this was real. They were actually rebelling against Homeworld. There was no turning back now. 

Rose had told her that they would never be able to go home if they continued on their path, but Pearl hadn’t believed her. Not really. 

And then there was the other matter. Pearl didn’t like being around the fusion, but not because she was disgusted or offended. She was jealous. 

A Ruby and a Sapphire that barely knew each other were able to fuse- in front of Blue Diamond’s entire court, nonetheless. Rose was confident that their connection was because of love, but who could love someone more than Pearl loved Rose? Why couldn’t Pearl and Rose fuse? Was Pearl just defective in even more ways? Would she never be able to be close to someone else like that? Was she destined to be alone?

Pearl had all but ran after the fusion got settled in their makeshift camp. She was sitting at the base of a willow tree, leagues taller than her, near the edge of Rose’s garden. It was Rose’s favorite place to sit and watch the sunset. Pearl had always found peace here. But today, it was only making things worse. 

It was so damn  _ loud  _ here.

Usually, Pearl could deal with it. She expected the chirping of the cicadas, the whistling of the birds, the sound of waves crashing against the shore. But increasingly often, especially after battles, Pearl found herself annoyed- no, more than annoyed,  _ enraged _ \- by all the seemingly random, incessant sounds of Earth.

If she didn’t know better, she’d say that she missed Homeworld. 

But there was nothing left for her there. Everything that mattered was on Earth, so that was where Pearl would remain.

It was probably just post-battle jitters. Her nerves were shot from having to be on the lookout all the time. Her role was vital, if exhausting- having to complete a mission, defend Rose,  _ and  _ stay alive, all at once wasn’t easy when all of Homeworld wanted you dead. 

All of a sudden, a dull, deep pain began in her chest and spread steadily into her throat.

Tears forced their way out of her eyes and streamed down her face, dripping onto her lap with a soft thud. 

_ The sound should be louder, _ Pearl thought absentmindedly.  _ It should sound like the whole world is shattering.  _

The tears didn’t listen. The sound stayed the same. 

  
  


◊◊◊◊

Garnet was drawn out of her thoughts by the sound of someone crying.

Her eyes snapped open. She glanced around the garden she’d settled in. Rose had left her to her own devices, here, after showing her around and running off. 

The garden was a perfect metaphor for Rose Quartz’s ideology, Garnet thought, when she saw it. Rose had worked to grow plants bearing fruits and vegetables that she didn’t need, or even want. She just did it because she was fascinated by the human phenomenon of agriculture.

Garnet let her gaze wander along the red, round things growing on spindly vines- tomatoes, Rose had called them- and all through the cobblestone benches Rose had set up for any humans who might want a place to rest. Empty. 

The hitching breaths grew louder.

Where could it be coming from?

Garnet stood, brushing stray bits of gravel off her legs. She had been trying to use her Future Vision- see anything,  _ anything _ that could aid their tiny rebellion in battle. But instead of one, single road spreading out from below her feet, she found herself in a labyrinth of different possibilities. Screams and unintelligible babble coming at her from every direction. Death, destruction, and pain. 

It never used to be like this. She never used to  _ feel _ the things she saw. She'd look into the future, report her findings, and quickly put everything she'd seen out of her mind. After all, none of it would affect  _ her _ . It was always things involving other gems.

But that had all changed that day at the Cloud Arena. 

Now, she had something to lose. They both did.

She wandered through the garden, brushing hanging vines and tree limbs out of her face as she went. It was a bit startling, how all the hanging vines were low enough to smack her in the eyes if she wasn't careful. They had been leagues above her when she explored the planet for the first time- but then again, she  _ was _ significantly taller. It was hard to remember.

Garnet moved to the small section of blossoming fruit trees Rose had planted. "Hello?"

Whoever it was let out a small gasp before quieting completely.

Garnet narrowed her eyebrows. Could it be some lost human, using the garden sanctuary as a refuge from whatever staggeringly temporary problem they were facing in their life? 

The small sounds continued, muffled, like whoever it was was doing their best to fool her. Garnet turned to the largest tree, one with massive, drooping vines. What was it called? A "willow," or something like that?

_ Maybe we should focus on the task at hand? _

_ Right. Sorry.  _

Garnet inched her way toward the willow tree, doing her best not to make any noise with her still uncoordinated feet. The soft, gasping breaths continued steadily, and Garnet was almost sure she wouldn't be found out.

_ CRACK _ .

Garnet cursed under her breath. She glanced belatedly down at her left foot, which was perched on top of a large branch, now split in two.

Before Garnet could look back up, she felt the point of a sword digging into her throat.

Panic flooded her veins, but she had the strangest feeling that she had nothing to fear. She fought against her instincts and kept her arms at her sides. Nearly going cross-eyed, she glanced down at the swords pressing into her throat. 

Wait. _ Swords?  _ Plural?

"Pearl?" Garnet asked.

Instead of retracting, the swords tightened.

"What are you doing here?"

It was obvious that Pearl was trying to sound threatening, but she was failing miserably. Her voice was a hoarse rasp, and it was obvious from the tremor in her words that she was more afraid than anything.

"I just heard someone crying," Garnet explained. "I don't mean any harm."

The swords fell away. Garnet turned to see Pearl sheath them in the twin scabbards strapped to her back, not bothering with putting them away into her gem. 

For the first time since they had met, Pearl looked...disheveled. Messy. 

"What happened?" Garnet asked. "Were you attacked?"

Pearl barked a laugh, ducking her head. "You could say that?"

Garnet glanced behind the tree again, but found no one.

"Come on," she said to Pearl, "a human might be in trouble. I definitely heard someone crying over here. If we spread out, we should be able to find them no...no problem..."

Garnet let her words trail off. Pearl was staring at her with the strangest expression on her face. On one hand, it was completely unfamiliar, coming from Pearl. But it was the same look that countless Agates had directed at Ruby whenever she missed something rather obvious.

"What?" Garnet asked, more than a little defensively. 

"There was no human."

Garnet was only more confused. "What do you mean? There was another  _ gem _ here? It couldn't have been a Homeworld soldier, there's no way they stop to show any kind of emotion-"

"Garnet," Pearl interrupted, a bemused half-smile on her face. "Did it really never cross your mind that the sound you heard was me?"

Garnet blinked. "...What?"

Pearl’s expression darkened, the hint of a smile melting away in less than a second. "You heard me. Do you have a problem?"

Garnet hurriedly shook her head. "No! No, not at all, I just..."

Pearl pinched the bridge of her nose. "I haven't got all day. I'm sure Rose needs both of us to focus on other tasks. Could you please hurry it along?"

"I just didn't know Pearls could cry," Garnet finished lamely.

Pearl straightened, her eyes ablaze. " _ What _ ?"

Garnet had seen some pretty astonishing things since she came to Earth. Diverse organics, performing an infinite number of tasks that Garnet had never realized needed solutions. Sunsets. Vegetables, and cobblestone paths, and  _ fusion.  _

A crying Pearl shouldn’t be that much of a stretch for her. But it was. She couldn’t wrap her head around it.

Pearl tilted her head in impatience. 

"I…” Garnet began, “I didn't know Pearls felt pain?" 

For a flash of a moment, Pearl's face was contorted with the most uncontrolled rage Garnet had seen since she came to Earth. She stumbled backwards. Was Pearl going to attack her?

But then that moment ended, and Pearl's face became the mask of calm that Garnet was so used to seeing whenever she looked at Pearls back on Homeworld. 

"Yes, Pearls feel pain," Pearl said slowly, like she was talking to a human child. "Pearls feel joy, too. Anything you feel I can feel."

Garnet's mouth opened and closed repeatedly, but no sound came out.

When she finally regained control of her vocal cords, the only thing she could think to say was, "Really?"

Pearl glanced away, her jaw working. She fiddled with the daggers strapped to her waist. The laces tying them to her belt were perfectly knotted- Garnet suspected that Pearl was looking for anything to keep her from having to meet Garnet's gaze.

“Wait, I think I get it,” Garnet realized. “Rose ordered you to have emotions, right? And then you were able to feel things?”

Pearl swallowed deliberately, like she was in pain. “The best kept secret on Homeworld is that Pearls are gems, too. Rose didn’t order me to do anything. I was crying because I was sad.”

“Oh.”

_ Wow, that was a great response. Real eloquent. _

_ Hush. You know, when you yell at yourself, you’re yelling at me, too. _

_ Sorry.  _

Now that was an idea. “I’m sorry.”

Pearl’s face scrunched up in suspicion. “Pardon?”

“I’m sorry. For what I said. And...and that you’re sad.”

Pearl rolled her eyes, but her expression had brightened considerably. She brushed past Garnet and started to walk through the garden. “Come on! I’m sure there are things for us to do.”

Garnet hurried after her, nearly tripping over her own feet. It wasn’t until hours later that she realized she had never found out why Pearl was crying.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE'RE R E A L L Y GETTING TO THE GOOD BIT NOW!!! 
> 
> God, I love Garnet. 
> 
> Please leave a comment to let me know what you thought! Even if you hated it, I'd appreciate the feedback so much.


	6. A Symbol of Loyalty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garnet’s head fell into her hands. “Blue Diamond has been looking into my head?”
> 
> Rose hurriedly sat down beside her and took her hands in her own. “We don’t know that for sure, Garnet. She might not recognize you as a Sapphire anymore. For all we know, she can’t see into your head at all, now, since you’re fused.”
> 
> “But she could.” Garnet spat. “She could look into my head, see every vision I have. She just has to decide it's worth her time."

Garnet was struggling. 

Pearl understood, even though it frustrated her. It was very difficult to learn how to fight. But there was a big difference between Garnet and Pearl: Pearl wasn’t built for fighting, at all. She had to force her body to do things it wasn't meant for, through endless practice and willpower. Garnet- well, Ruby, Pearl supposed, was used to fighting. It was what Rubies were made for. Pearl didn’t understand why it was so hard for her. 

They had about ten other gems in their ranks now, all from different places and courts. A couple were even Rubies that had defected from Pink’s army. Pearl was almost sure that Rose had manipulated them into joining, somehow- there was no way that the Rubies came up with the idea on their own. 

Rose had asked Garnet if she’d like to train with the other Rubies, but Garnet had shaken her head, a disgusted look on her face. Rose didn’t ask again.

Rose had started Garnet out with a sword, just like with Pearl. But Garnet just didn’t seem to be getting the hang of it, no matter how much she practiced. She’d misjudge where her opponent was standing, swing her sword in just slightly the wrong direction, and end up crashing to the floor. 

After a few months of this, Rose took pity on her. 

“Maybe we can try and work on your other skills?”

Garnet nodded, relieved. “That would be nice.”

“Alright, then,” Rose smiled. “How about your Future Vision? Has that been working?”

Garnet’s face twisted. “Well...yes, I suppose. It’s working. It’s just too _much._ It can be difficult to sort through it all. I’m still getting used to seeing multiple futures _.”_

Pearl could see Rose’s smile begin to fade.

“How about something simple?” Pearl interjected. “We could give you something specific to look for? That might help to focus it a little.”

Garnet brightened. “Alright.”

Pearl thought for a moment. “Blue Diamond is likely to be feeling extremely vengeful after we attacked her court. Maybe you could look to see what she’s planning? See if she’s going to launch an attack anytime soon?”

Garnet hesitated for a moment, but nodded. She sat down on the ground and tilted her face toward the sky. Her eyes began to close in concentration, when Rose broke the silence.

“Are you sure that’s okay?”

Garnet blinked a few times in confusion. Pearl felt almost dizzy looking at all three of her eyelids flutter in rapid succession.

“Yes,” Garnet said with an awkward chuckle. “I see multiple futures instead of just the one, but I can usually tell which one is most likely to happen. I’m definitely willing to try.

Rose pursed her lips. “No, I mean, aren’t you scared of looking into Blue Diamond? I know _I_ would be terrified if she had tried to shatter _me._ ”

Garnet’s expression became troubled. “I- I hadn’t thought of that.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t try and foresee her next move, Garnet.”

“Why not?” Pearl pitched in. What little resolve she had disappeared instantly as soon as Rose turned to look at her. She swallowed reflexively. “I just...I just mean that, um, Garnet’s future vision could be a wonderful asset to us. Don’t you think that we should encourage her to try and…”

Rose looked at her with something akin to pity. 

Why did Pearl even try? Rose knew better. She had no right to speak out like that. Pearl tipped her head down and stared at her knuckles. It wasn’t her place to argue. She needed to remember that.

Rose turned back to Garnet. “I’m just worried that if you look into her…”

“What, Rose?” Garnet asked

 _“She_ might be able to look into _you_.”

Garnet’s mouth fell open. She leaned in close to Rose and breathed, “Do you really think she could do that?”

Rose glanced worriedly at Pearl, but Pearl only looked at her blankly. What was Rose talking about? Diamonds didn’t have that kind of power. 

Did they?

“When I was stationed in the Prime Kindergarten,” Rose began, “Pink Diamond would often play host to Yellow and Blue Diamond. One of the Eisenkiesel Quartzes I’d befriended was stationed outside her entry room during one of their meetings, and she overheard their conversation. They were talking about all the Sapphires, but Blue’s in particular.”

Pearl had never seen Garnet look as panicked as she did now. 

Rose glanced away. “Maybe I shouldn’t be telling you this.”

“No!” Garnet cried. She blindly reached out to grab Rose by the arm, but pulled her hand back at the last second. “Please, I...I need to know.”

Rose regarded her for a moment before nodding. “Very well. Eisenkiesel heard Blue Diamond say that she was very worried that her gems were about to betray her. Blue Diamond told the others that she’s been... _monitoring_ all of her gems, but especially her Sapphires. That’s why she wanted to see you- well, see Sapphire, that day on the Cloud Arena. She wanted to make sure that you were still loyal. Blue Diamond had already intercepted Sapphire’s vision of the future. She just wanted to make sure that you weren’t going to lie to her about it.”

Pearl remembered those meetings. She had been there for every single one. And not once did she hear Blue Diamond reference being able to peer into the minds of her Sapphires. Could there have been a meeting that Pearl wasn’t part of? No, that wasn’t possible. She personally managed Pink Diamond’s entire schedule

Something was going on here. 

But Pearl didn’t need to worry. Rose was surely saying these things for a reason. She’d tell her later. She told Pearl everything.

Garnet’s head fell into her hands. “Blue Diamond has been _looking_ into my head?”

Rose hurriedly sat down beside her and took her hands in her own. “We don’t know that for sure, Garnet. She might not recognize you as a Sapphire anymore. For all we know, she can’t see into your head at all, now, since you’re fused.”

“But she _could._ ” Garnet spat. “She _could_ look into my head, see every vision I have. She just has to decide it's worth her time."

“Garnet,” Pearl said, “I…”

_I know this isn’t true. I know for a fact that you don’t have to worry._

But all it took was once glance at Rose’s face, and Pearl shut her mouth.

“The decision is yours, Garnet,” Rose said. “But I truly believe that it’s too much of a risk.

“No,” Garnet said sharply. “You’re right. I’ll find another way to be useful.”

Rose nodded and squeezed Garnet’s hand once before rising. She smoothed her dress down and shot Pearl a smile so warm that Pearl felt her heart melt at the sight of it.

They weren't going to be doing anymore training today. Pearl lifted her swords to put them back in their sheaths when the point of a dagger, cold and sharp, pressed against her spine.

Pearl froze. From the horrified looks on Rose and Garnet’s faces, this wasn’t one of their friends playing a trick. A Homeworld soldier had invaded their camp without any of them noticing. 

“Don’t move,” said a gravelly voice from behind her.

Pearl almost laughed Did this gem really think she was going to stay still?

Pearl tried to turn around, her swords still clutched tightly in her hands, but the gem didn’t let her budge. 

A heavy hand clamped down on her shoulder. “I told you not to move.” 

The hand on Pearl’s shoulder turned burning hot. A scream of pain ripped its way involuntarily out of her throat as the hand burned through her skin. Dimly, she registered Rose crying out for her. But it could have very well been her imagination.

Tears streamed from her eyes. Her swords fell from her hands, her grip suddenly nonexistent.

A voice cut through the haze of pain. “Let her go!”

Pearl smiled, despite everything. Of course Rose would save her. 

But it wasn’t Rose’s sword that knocked the gem to the side, freeing Pearl from her grip. 

It was a fist, clad in a huge, blood red gauntlet. 

The gem was thrown to the side. She slammed into one of the boulders lining their training area, poofing instantly. Rose hurried over to the gem, encasing it in a bubble and sending it back to their camp before it could reform and attack them again.

Pearl stood, shakily, and nearly fell back down again. Garnet was gazing at her hands in wonder. It was her who had the gauntlets. They were gorgeous. They suited her perfectly. How could they have possible considered that Garnet’s chosen weapon would be a sword? Garnet turned her hands over, and Pearl saw that there was a symbol on the back of them. A very familiar symbol. 

“Garnet,” she breathed, “is this for real?”

“Oh, Garnet!” Rose squealed, throwing herself at Garnet and wrapping her in an embrace.

Rose placed a big, smacking kiss on Garnet’s cheek. Garnet’s complexion turned even redder before she pushed Rose away with a laugh, and Pearl’s gaze dropped to her feet.

“I’m glad you’ve decided to join us once and for all, Garnet,” Pearl said, her smile considerably more fixed than it had been before.

“What are you talking about?” Garnet asked the two of them.

Rose inclined her head pointedly at Garnet’s hands.

Garnet finally gazed at the backs of her fists, all three eyes wide as saucers.

“Oh,” she murmured, stunned. “I guess I am one of you, then. There’s no turning back now.”

Pearl’s glanced at Rose’s eyes, which were glowing brightly with happiness. But even Pearl had to admit that in that moment, the yellow stars on Garnet’s gauntlets were the brightest things for miles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think of this chapter? Please leave feedback in the comments to let me know!


	7. A Long, Long Time Ago

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Years and years went by. Pink realized that she had only two choices: she could break, or she could grow stronger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short interlude.
> 
> https://www.instagram.com/p/B7_1E8uJxCI/?igshid=g2cnqelenl47

She’d been in the tower for fifty years.

Blue and Yellow hadn’t visited her. Not even once. Neither had White, but it wasn’t like she was expecting White to come. White was the one who was angriest with her. 

And anyway, to White, fifty years was nothing more than the blink of an eye. Stars, a _thousand_ years was probably like a blink to her. But to Pink, this honestly seemed like the longest period of her life.

Every night, she’d float up to the window and crane her neck as much as she could, just to catch a glimpse of the sky. Stars, she missed that sky. She missed breathing fresh air that she didn’t need. She missed playing pranks on the Jades. She even missed Blue and Yellow _._

Right now, she was huddled against the wall on her favorite side of the tower. From here, she could just about see the dropships and synthesizers leaving the planet’s atmosphere. 

But instead of flying upward, two of the synthesizers were heading in a different direction. Towards her.

She shot to her feet. Could they be coming to free her? Blue and Yellow wouldn’t be in those ships, they always rode in their arms. And anyway, if Yellow or Blue wanted to free her, they’d just use the door.

Could it be loyal members of her court? No, none of them would dare to disobey White.

But could Yellow and Blue have sent some of their gems, some low-ranking, dispensable bunch to break Pink out of the tower, without letting White know about it? That had to be it. Despite everything White ordered them all to do, Blue and Yellow really _did_ care about her. They knew it was wrong to keep her trapped in here for half a century. And they were making up for it right now.

The synthesizers stopped so close to the window that she could hear the hum of their nova thrusters. She took a step forward before halting again. Did they want her to go up to the window? Or did they want her to wait for them here?

The two ships moved into formation, stacking on top of each other and extending their spindly manipulators. The manipulators shot to the frame of the window and stuck to the wall, reminding Pink strangely of the organic creatures she’d seen on Omikron-6, able to expel a fine thread from their tiny bodies and build fascinatingly complex structures from the material. She’d only seen manipulators be used in this way to patch holes in structures, but perhaps they had attached some sort of explosive to the ends? Or maybe, they were going to use the manipulators to build a ladder or bridge for her to climb out on? The window was too small for her to fit through without shapeshifting, so perhaps they were going to be used to widen it?

More and more manipulators shot out from the ships, connecting to the windowsill and every available surface near the window frame, knotting together and connecting to form a thick material Pink could hardly see out of. 

Her expectant smile slid off her face. She ran to the window, floated up to it, and started tearing at the material. Chunks of it ripped away and came apart in her hands, but they were being replaced just as fast as she was removing them. 

She heard the telltale whine of the fabricator as it powered up. 

“Wait,” she pleaded, knowing full well that no one could hear her. “No, please, _don’t-_ ”

Darkness. 

She let out a scream of pure frustration and slammed her hands against what used to be the window, but even as the force caused the whole wall to shudder, the stone covering didn’t budge.

She slid down to the floor, feeling her hands shaking but not being able to see them. For the first time since she’d been locked in here, she let herself cry.

◊◊◊◊

  


She remembered, at some point, the story of what happens to gems who stay in the dark for too long.

About ten years after the window was sealed up, she tried to create her own light. Her gem flickered weakly in the darkness, glowing only slightly after hours of concentration. There was just enough light for her to see her hands. 

“No,” she rasped, her voice weak and scratchy from disuse. _“No!”_

Her hands weren’t pink anymore. They were a horrible, mottled grey, and they were fading out of existence right before her eyes. 

The weak light from her gem blinked out. Pink hugged her knees to her chest and bowed her head. They’d come for her eventually. They’d restore her powers.

They had to. 

◊◊◊◊

  


Years and years went by. Pink realized that she had only two choices: she could break, or she could grow stronger.

Pink knew that something inside her was twisting and bending into a horrifying shape, but she didn’t think about that. All that she thought about was what she’d do when she got out. She’d make them all pay. She’d finally be happy. She’d find gems that love her and serve her and never, ever leave her. 

This had taught her one thing, at least. She knew how to be patient now. She’d wait as long as she needed. 

She’d see the sun again. It was only a matter of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to write a short backstory on Pink before we get to the much longer chapters I have planned. What did you think?


	8. The Moment of Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Incoming!” Garnet yelled from beside her, her gauntlets braced and ready. 
> 
> Pearl unsheathed her swords. Despite herself, she grinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heavily influenced by the energy of this edit: 
> 
> https://www.instagram.com/p/BvZu1G4gGNt/?igshid=1js2eee0q7d5h

Pearl tapped her foot restlessly on the floor. Her calf was starting to cramp up, but she needed to do something with all of her bottled-up energy.

She was used to having to stand still. But knowing that she’d soon be in a battle, a  _ real  _ battle, where she’d have to lunge and run and jump and  _ fight-  _ that made her completely incapable of relaxing.

How much longer were they going to have to wait? 

The plan was simple. Rose would remain on the high cliffs with her Light Cannons, taking potshots at the Aventurine jets trying to take out their soldiers on the ground. Pearl and Garnet would fight their way across the battlefield to the other side of the canyon, where Yellow Diamond’s Peridots had begun work on the Beta Kindergarten. 

“Once you take out their command ship,” Rose said, a map of the terrain bigger than Pearl laid out on the ground, “the whole thing will come apart.”

None of the Crystal Gems knew this territory like Rose. Or Pearl, for that matter. The two of them had spent weeks exploring this planet- mostly for fun, but Pearl had made sure to keep detailed records of the geography. Just in case. 

To keep all the Homeworld soldiers distracted while Garnet and Pearl made their way to hack into the Kindergarten’s mainframe, all of their allies would make as big of a scene as possible. The Pyrite clans they’d managed to convert would head for the walking Citrine ground ships, slicing through the wires keeping them upright with the beams of light they could conduct through their gems. Crazy Lace, Snowflake, and a few Rubies would take to the skies in run-down Celestite jets they’d found in the desert, doing their best to blow up the real Celestite ships before they were discovered. 

With any luck, none of Pink Diamond’s soldiers would be there. Rose had done her best as Pink Diamond to delegate different tasks to all her gems, anything she could think of to distract them from the battle that was about to take place, but there were no guarantees. She couldn’t make it too obvious- she wasn’t supposed to know about the building of the Beta Kindergarten in the first place. Yellow Diamond hadn’t even  _ told  _ her about it. 

Pearl didn’t let herself think about what would happen if White Diamond sent any members of her court. 

The plan was simple. But in reality, the noise was so deafening that Pearl nearly forgot what she was supposed to do within the first ten seconds. 

Her allies in the ships above dropped booming grenades onto the ground. Pearl cursed under her breath as she ran- she was going to have a truly awesome word with Crazy Lace about the importance of aiming systems. 

“Incoming!” Garnet yelled from beside her, her gauntlets braced and ready. 

Pearl unsheathed her swords. Despite herself, she grinned. 

She charged toward the Tourmalines who were just beginning to understand that something was wrong, poofing three of them in one fell swoop. 

A Jasper ran towards her, releasing a battle cry, and Pearl almost scoffed. This was far too easy. 

Before Pearl could slice through her form, Garnet was there, fists making contact with the Jasper’s throat. 

The Homeworld gems were relatively small in number, as they hadn’t known the Rebellion was going to attack. But even with Garnet at her side, even with their twenty-odd group of allies fighting all around them, it was easy to get overwhelmed. 

A Tourmaline tried to grab Pearl from behind. Pearl jammed her sword through her eye socket. 

The control station was within sight. She and Garnet only had a few hundred more feet to go.

_ Rose will teach me how to braid her hair like the humans do,  _ Pearl thought as she ran.

Another grenade fell from the sky, larger than the rest. It sent Pearl and Garnet flying to the side. Within a second, they were back on their feet. The dust burned Pearl’s eyes. 

_ We'll go flower picking. Rose will choose the most beautiful one and put it behind my ear.  _

_ We'll sit and watch the sunset, just the two of us, and laze around for as long as we want. _

“Surrender, traitors!” screamed a Ruby, charging toward Pearl with two daggers in hand. 

Pearl ducked to the side and kept running.

_ Lots of humans will want her to love them, but she’ll refuse. She'll only have eyes for me. We’ll laugh about it later. _

“You alright, Pearl?” Garnet called from where she was pummeling a soldier into the ground. 

“Just fine!”

An Amethyst soldier knocked Pearl to the ground. There were tears running down her face. “How could you betray Pink Diamond like this?”

Pearl almost laughed. She rolled to the side, the Amethyst’s sword coming down inches from where her head used to be. She sliced through the Amethyst’s arm, incapacitating her long enough to keep running toward the control ship. She was almost there.

_ The Diamonds will forget about the earth. Pink Diamond will be a distant memory.  _

_ No one will ever look down on me for being a Pearl. They’ll know exactly who I am. _

Pearl caught sight of a section of boulders near the cliff face. They were out of the way enough that none of the Homeworld soldiers would notice her, and Pearl was almost sure that they would lead right to where she needed to go. She’d climb through the space in between the boulders, get to the other side of the cliff, and hack into the Kindergarten mainframe before anyone realized where she’d gone.

Pearl turned to tell Garnet her plan, but she was wrestling with a Citrine. 

Pearl hesitated. They were supposed to be in this together. She should really go over there and tell Garnet what she planned to do. 

She turned and ran toward the boulders without a second thought. 

It was only a couple of seconds before she got there. It was a tighter fit than she’d realized- it took considerable effort to slip through the space in between the rocks. It was worth it, though. She’d get to the command ship much faster this way. 

It took a bit of finagling, but she got her entire body through, even though her foot got slightly stuck near the end. Pearl brushed herself off and turned to where she needed to go.

She started forward, more slowly than how she had been moving before. It was darker over here. She needed to be careful not to trip over anything. 

There was a gleam in the darkness. 

“Garnet?” Pearl called.

Someone laughed. A dark, cruel sound. 

The figures stepped into the light. It wasn’t Garnet. It wasn’t the low-ranking Homeworld soldiers they’d been fighting this far, either.

It was two of the most high-ranking generals on Homeworld, with a bodyguard large enough to block out the sun. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first of a several-chapter section concerning a major battle. It's taken me so long to plan this whole thing out- I even drew diagrams of everything that was going on to help me write it (lol). Stay tuned!


	9. Your Soul Knows Both Sides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If something had happened to Rose…
> 
> She couldn’t even consider the possibilities.
> 
> A dark chuckle drew her back to reality. Spessartine was grinning at her. “Looks like you’re in need of a new owner, Pearl.”
> 
> A fist clenched around her heart. “I’d rather die.”
> 
> Spessartine’s face contorted. With a horrible scraping sound, she drew her sword. “I’d poof you now, but I think I’ll enjoy hearing you scream.”

As the Homeworld soldiers closed in around her, her brain took in dozens of minor details.

_ The Pezzottaite’s fuschia dreadlocks are ringed in golden cuffs. The Spessartine’s orange hair looks just like the cloud that made Rose smile yesterday. The Topaz behind them is much bigger than the ones back on Homeworld. _

Just the other day, she and Rose had seen a tiger, a fearsome, powerful beast, stalk a deer before devouring it, its blood spraying and misting in the air. Pearl distinctly remembered seeing a certain  _ look  _ in the tiger’s eyes, a dark, wicked thing. The tiger gazed at the deer it was hunting like it knew exactly what was about to happen. Like the tiger was sure that the deer’s only significant role in life was having the honor of being eaten.

Pearl crossed her swords and brandished them in front of her. “Stay back!”

Spessartine raised an eyebrow. 

“Topaz,” she drawled, “put this  _ thing _ in her place, why don’t you?”

Before Pearl could blink, she was on the ground. Her head crashed against the stone with an ear splitting  _ crack  _ that made her see stars. She crossed her swords over her face instinctively.  _ Don’t get shattered don’t get shattered don’t get shattered- _

Quicker than she could react, Pink Topaz’s hands shot out and encircled her wrists in a death grip. She reflexively dropped her swords with a gasp. Pink Topaz dragged her to her feet, spinning her around and holding her hands behind her back. Pearl tugged hopelessly at her grip, but she might as well have been wearing iron shackles.

Dimly, she heard Spessartine begin to speak.

“Maybe I’ll make her mine once we get back to Homeworld,” she sneered. “The stars know that a  _ Rose Quartz  _ doesn’t deserve a Pearl as pretty as this one. What do you think, Pezzottaite? If I stab her a couple of times, you think she’ll give up and reform looking just the way I want?”

Pearl felt a thrum of fear course down her spine.

She twisted her neck and gazed up at Pink Topaz’s face, looking for any sign of mercy. It was completely impassive. Like she was simply standing at attention instead of crushing Pearl’s wrists into dust.

Pearl groaned in frustration and tried bending her knees and kicking backward in an attempt to dislodge her iron grip, but it was like she was kicking a stone wall.

Pezzottaite groaned. “Just poof her already. It’s getting boring.”

Spessartine hummed, considering. “I don’t know. I like seeing her struggle.”

“Rose will never let you get away with this,” Pearl snarled.

Spessartine stepped forward and lifted Pearl’s chin with a finger. Pearl turned her head away, but Spessartine just gripped her cheeks between her forefinger and thumb, forcing Pearl to meet her eyes.

“A battlefield is no place for a servant,” she crooned. “What are you even doing out here? Handing out spare swords to the real soldiers? Mopping all the human blood off the ground?”

Pearl opened her mouth to retort when she heard someone let out a ragged scream.  _ “Rose!” _

Pearl’s head whipped to the side. She could only see a sliver of the battlefield from where she was, but there was no sign of Rose, or whoever had screamed. 

What if Rose had been shattered?

The gems’ glares faded away. The world swayed under her feet, and her knees buckled dangerously. If it wasn’t for the Topaz holding her up, she would have fallen to the ground.

If something had happened to Rose…

She couldn’t even consider the possibilities.

A dark chuckle drew her back to reality. Spessartine was grinning at her. “Looks like you’re in need of a new owner, Pearl.”

A fist clenched around her heart. “I’d rather die.”

Spessartine’s face contorted. With a horrible scraping sound, she drew her sword. “I’d poof you now, but I think I’ll enjoy hearing you scream.” 

Spessartine lunged, and time seemed to slow. 

There was no way for her to physically overpower them. The Pink Topaz holding her hands behind her back might as well have been made of iron.

_ But wait,  _ breathed a voice in her head, eerily similar to Rose.  _ They  _ didn’t _ say they wanted to hurt you. They said they wanted to hear you scream. _

Pearl forced her smile down. Spessartine wasn’t going to stab her. She just wanted Pearl to flinch.

Pearl tried to twist away, and time started again.

“Please, no!” she shrieked. “Please don’t shatter me. I’ll do anything!”

Spessartine laughed, an ugly, dark sound.

“See?” she grinned, nudging Pezzottaite with her elbow. “I knew I could get her to scream.”

_ How do you do it?  _ Pearl had asked once.  _ How do you manage to trick the other Diamonds? _

A small smile had unfurled onto Rose’s lips.  _ By getting them to look in exactly the wrong direction. I make them see what they want to see. What they expect. And then I do the exact opposite. _

“Just let me go,” Pearl pleaded. “I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll go back with you to Homeworld. Just tell the Topaz to let go of me.”

Spessartine hesitated.

Pezzottaite rolled her eyes. “Oh come on, Spessartine. You really think she can do anything to us? She’s just a Pearl.”

A drop of sweat inched its way down the side of Pearl’s face.  _ Come on.  _

Spessartine paused for another moment, chewing her lip. She looked Pearl up and down suspiciously, waited an excruciating few seconds, but then gave a swift nod in Pearl’s direction. Pink Topaz unclenched her fingers from around Pearl’s wrists. Pearl relaxed all the muscles in her body, trying not to wince as she hit the ground face-first.

Spessartine opened her communicator and began to speak. “3KU, I’ve got some extra cargo for the return trip, is that going to be a-”

Pearl flung her arm out to the side, blindly reaching in the direction of her swords. Spessartine barked an order at Pink Topaz, who promptly stepped on Pearl’s swords, breaking them in two.

Spessartine sighed. “Pezzottaite, why do I always listen to you?”

What did Yellow Pearl do to her voice when she was getting yelled at? It was a sort of shrill sound, desperation tinged with panic to hide the condescending boredom she really felt inside. 

Pearl had witnessed it often enough. She should be able to replicate it without too much difficulty. 

“I’m sorry!” Pearl wailed. “I’m so sorry, I- I just-”

Pearl threw her face into her hands. She shuddered and gasped as loudly and obnoxiously as she could, making sure to keep her hands over her face to hide the lack of tears.

Pezzottaite sniggered. “You were right, Spessartine. I thought Rose Quartz would have trained her to be at least a little stronger.”

Pearl only wailed louder.

Pink Topaz nudged Pearl in the side with her foot. Pearl opened her fingers just enough so that she could gaze up at the Topaz’s face.

“Don’t fight them,” Pink Topaz murmured. “They won’t hurt you if you just do what they say. Trust me. You’ll be alright. I’ll make sure of it.”

Pink Topaz had so much raw emotion in her expression that Pearl almost dropped her ruse in surprise. Her eyes were brimming with real, actual tears, and she was looking at Pearl like she actually cared what happened to her. 

Rose had been right after all. Even the toughest gems had a heart.

“You don’t deserve this,” Pearl whispered. “I’m sorry.”

Pink Topaz knit her brow in confusion. “Sorry for wha-”

Pearl summoned one of her spare swords from her gem, rose to her feet, and poofed Pink Topaz in one fell swoop. 

She spun in midair, dodging Spessartine’s hasty slice of her sword, and slashed through Pezzottaite’s physical form before she had a chance to even reach for her weapon. 

Pearl threw herself at Spessartine with all her might, slamming her against the stone wall and pressing her sword into the Homeworld soldier’s neck.

“I’d poof you now,” she purred, “but I think I’ll like hearing you scream.”

Was her sword strong enough to cut through Spessartine’s gem, ending it once and for all? 

As she moved to drag her sword down the surface of Spessartine’s gem, a thought made her stop in her tracks.

_ Rose wouldn’t want this.  _

What was she doing? Rose would despise her if she could see her now. No gem deserved to be tortured, no matter what they’d done. 

Pearl took a step back and lowered her sword. “Leave.”

Spessartine spluttered. “W-what?”

“You heard me. Leave while you still can. Tell all your friends that I’m not some plaything for them to mess with.”

Spessartine only blinked at her, mouth hanging open.

“Go!” Pearl snarled.

Spessartine stepped towards the gap between the stones, brushing her hands down her front. Slowly, she smiled, a wicked, savage thing. “You messed with the wrong commander.”

Faster than Pearl could blink, Spessartine closed her fist around Pearl’s neck and spun her into the wall. Pearl raised her fist to punch her in the jaw, but Spessartine grabbed her hand and twisted her wrist far further backward that it was ever meant to go.

“This is why Pearls shouldn’t be on the battlefield,” Spessartine snarled. 

“You’re all... _ weak, _ ” she spat, squeezing tighter around Pearl’s throat with every word. “You’ll...always be  _ weak.  _ And it’s  _ our  _ job...to  _ keep  _ you....in  _ line _ .”

Pearl clawed uselessly at the hand pressing into her throat. She didn’t actually need to breathe. But Spessartine was severing the connection between her gem and the rest of her body. If she kept this up, Pearl wouldn’t be able to maintain her physical form for much longer.

Black spots started crowding the edges of her vision.

Pearl had done her duty. Hadn’t she? She’d tried. She’d tried her best to make Rose happy, to protect her from harm. 

Once she reformed back on Homeworld, she’d find a weapon, somehow, and she’d end it once and for all. It would be swift and painless, and she’d die knowing Rose was safe. That she was happy, even without Pearl there.

The harsh scraping of Spessartine drawing her sword cut through Pearl’s stupor. 

Tears, wet and hot, spilled from her eyes. For the first time since she’d come to Earth, she was truly afraid.

_ I don’t want to die,  _ she realized.  _ I  _ like _ being alive. _

A battle cry cut through the air, and Pearl screwed her eyes shut, her muscles tensed, bracing for the inevitable slice of the sword. There was the sound of a sword stabbing through flesh, but Pearl felt no pain. Had some being in the universe taken pity on her, just this once?

But instead of dissolving into nothing, Pearl fell to the ground in a heap.

“Funny I should meet you here, Pearl,” a familiar voice said.

Pearl glanced upward squinted at the figure blocking the sunlight streaming through the small enclosure. Through her hazy vision, she could just about make out the gem’s face. 

Pearl coughed, clutching her throat. She wiped the tears from her eyes as discreetly as she could and managed to let out a weak chuckle. “Oh, shush.”

Garnet grinned. “Come on, we should get back out there.”

Garnet grabbed Pearl’s bad wrist and dragged her upward, making her entire body groan and ache with radiating pain.

“Wait,” Pearl hissed, “Don’t-”

Her vision turned dark, and everything was silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Sorry?


	10. Toward the Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What are you?” Garnet breathed.
> 
> “We are the Phantom Quartz,” came a voice from Onyx’s lips, “and we will save you all.”
> 
> The gem that used to be Onyx reached her hands out as if to embrace her friend. “Join our cohort, fusion, and live to serve the incandescent White Diamond.”

“Pearl!” Garnet exclaimed. “I- I didn’t mean to, I’m...I’m sorry…” 

Garnet’s voice trailed off as she realized that Pearl had no way of hearing what she was saying. 

With shaking fingers, Garnet lifted Pearl’s gem from the ground and cradled it gently in her hands. 

_ What do we do?  _

_ She’ll be fine. She just needs time to reform. Peace and quiet, that’s all. _

_ Yeah, I’m sure we’ll be able to find that in the middle of a battlefield. _

Garnet took a deep, slow breath. Now was no time to be unsure of herself.

Her eyes fell to Pearl’s gem, and her heart softened. “Oh, Pearl.” 

Why did Pearl insist on throwing herself into battle like this? Gems like Garnet were sturdy. Ruby had been trained to fight since she first emerged, and while Sapphire was used to a comfortable life in a palace, she certainly wasn’t going to poof or break unless she suffered an unthinkable amount of damage. But Pearls were delicate. They weren’t made to do anything more vigorous than following their gems around and holding their things. 

Thank the stars Pearl wasn’t cracked. Even the strongest of gems had trouble recovering from an injury like that. A small scratch or dent didn’t seem like a big deal, but once your gem suffered any amount of damage, it only worsened until you split in two. 

Garnet glanced at the other gems lying on the ground. A Pink Topaz, and...was that a  _ Spessartine?  _ And a Pezzottaite? __

Why was Homeworld sending such high ranking commanders to a skirmish like this? Their attack was supposed to be a surprise. 

Up to this point, Garnet had seen only hastily put together Homeworld troops, scrambling to defend their Kindergarten at a moment’s notice. A few Citrine ground ships, a few Celestite jets, and a few Peridots and Tourmalines setting up the Kindergarten labs high in the mountains. There hadn’t even been more than ten or twenty  _ Quartz  _ soldiers present, much less any high ranking commanders like these. 

Homeworld wouldn’t have sent Pezzottaite and Spessartine commanders unless they knew this was going to happen.

There was a spy in their ranks. 

A sudden explosion hit Garnet’s ears with a deafening  _ boom _ , ripping her out of her thoughts _.  _ Her feet slipped and went out from under her, trying to balance on the convulsing ground. Her instinct was to push her hands in front of her to break her fall, but at the last second, she remembered Pearl’s gem. She landed painfully on her side, holding Pearl’s gem aloft with one hand.

The rumbling stopped. Garnet chuckled weakly. 

She rose to her knees, brushing the dirt and grime off her body with the hand not holding Pearl in a death grip. 

“What do you think, Pearl?” she grinned, rising to her feet. “Maybe there’s some luck left in the world after-”

An explosion even worse than the last one burst through the walls of the cave. The stones surrounding the two of them shook dangerously, fissures spreading through them as if an underground deity were stretching their fingers upward. 

_ What do we do? _

The two voices in her head united, twirling together in a dance of panic and confusion.

_ What do we do what do we do what do we do  _

And suddenly, a clear thought cut through the haze.

_ Rose.  _

_ Rose will know how to save her.  _

Garnet ducked out from the enclosure the way she came and headed for Rose, all the way on the other side of the cavern.

  
  


◊◊◊◊

  
  
  


After dodging three Citrine ships, a group of seven Rubies, and a grenade dropped right at her feet from above, Garnet finally caught sight of a friend. 

Onyx was perched on a small outcropping off the side of one of the cliffs surrounding the cavern, using her whip like humans used fishing rods. She flung her bullwhip out into the melee, grabbed a Homeworld soldier or two, and did her best to strangle them or smash them to oblivion against the cliff face. It was almost ridiculous that she hadn’t been captured yet.

Onyx pulled a second bullwhip from her gem and spun the two ropes around a towering Bismuth before throwing her into the cliffs, turning her into dust.

“Onyx!” Garnet called

One of the walking Citrine ships perched high on top of the cliffs fell onto its side, nearly crushing Onyx flat. She tossed her whip out to the side and pulled herself out of its reach. “A little busy here, kid!” 

“Onyx,” Garnet shouted, “the Diamonds brought-”

Something tightened painfully around her waist and pulled her forwards. Pearl’s gem nearly fell out of her hands, but she gripped it with the tips of her fingers and clutched it tightly to her chest as the world spun around her. When the world righted itself again, she was standing next to Onyx, balancing on a microscopic ledge of stone. Onyx loosened her bullwhip from around Garnet’s waist and let it dangle at her side.

“What was that for?” Garnet exclaimed.

A faint smile crossed Onyx’s careworn face. “Kid, whatever you’ve got to say better be important. You nearly got shot down.”

“What do you…” Garnet whipped her head toward the sky. “Oh.” At first glance, the objects falling from the sky looked like rain. But they were far too brilliantly blue to be pure water. 

“The Celestite ships are covering the battlefield with a solution Yellow Diamond’s Tourmalines cooked up last cycle,” Onyx explained. “It’s a distilled version of Blue Diamond’s power- you might not think a couple of tears are all that harmful, but try fighting off a dozen Topazes when your eyes are filled with water.”

Garnet shook her head to clear the dull buzzing in her ears that had started when Onyx said  _ Blue Diamond.  _ “Onyx, they’ve sent Spessartine and Pezzottaite commanders.”

Onyx scoffed. “Yeah, sure, kid, and I’m a Sapphire.”

“Onyx, I’m not joking!” Garnet cried.

A  _ boom  _ from below nearly sent the two of them toppling to the ground.

“There’s no way the Diamonds send their top gems to a battle like this,” Onyx shouted over the din. “They didn’t even know we were going to attack today!”

“I saw them,” Garnet yelled. “They nearly got Pearl. Do you really think I would lie about something like this?”

Onyx’s eyes finally fell to the gem cradled to Garnet’s chest.

“What the hell happened to her? I thought she was going to stay out of the battlefield. She was supposed to sneak into the Kindergarten and dismantle their command mainframe-”

“I found her being strangled by one of Yellow Diamond’s Spessartine commanders.”

Onyx’s eyes bugged out of her head. “There are  _ Spessartines  _ here?”

Garnet just barely resisted the urge to reach out and wring Onyx’s neck. 

_ Patience, Ruby. Remember why we’re here. _

“We need to warn Rose. We need to get Pearl to safety so she can reform. We need to get everyone out of here before it’s too late.”

Onyx nodded. “Right. It’ll probably be faster if we travel along the si-”

Onyx froze, her mouth in the middle of shaping a word.

“Onyx?”

White mist, so fine that Garnet thought it was a trick of the light, began to form around Onyx’s legs. It slowly rose to her hips, her torso. 

Panic and fear battled with each other inside Garnet’s mind.

“Onyx, what’s going on?”

A wreath of smoke encircled Onyx’s face, and her eyes cracked like glass. Her fingertips began to crumble, and her long black hair rose up in a fan above her head. 

_ Are we hallucinating?  _

Onyx’s bullwhip fell into the dirt without a sound. 

Garnet scrambled backwards, struggling to keep a hold on the cliff face. The smoke traced its way along Onyx’s entire body, coating her outline like a second skin. Once every part of her was smothered, it solidified around her into a milky white substance that looked hard as stone. 

Like someone was pulling the corners of her mouth with a string, Onyx smiled.

“What are you?” Garnet breathed.

“We are the Phantom Quartz,” came a voice from Onyx’s lips, “and we will save you all.”

The gem that used to be Onyx reached her hands out as if to embrace her friend. “Join our cohort, fusion, and live to serve the incandescent White Diamond.”

Garnet’s eyes shot to the ground, leagues beneath where she was perched on the side of the cliff.

_ You can’t be serious. _

_ Do we have any other choice? _

As one, Garnet jumped off the cliff, holding Pearl in a death grip, and fell into the unknown. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Phantom quartz is a variety of quartz that forms over pre-existing crystals. The included crystal is visible due to some variation in composition.” -wiki


	11. Against All Odds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bodies. Human bodies. Dozens of them, mangled and covered in that sticky, red substance they were all filled with. Their mouths were open in terror, their eyes wide and unseeing. 
> 
> The sounds of the battlefield disappeared. The whole world stopped. Garnet felt tears spill down her face.
> 
> On the barren ground in front of her, a butterfly landed, pure and white as Earth’s snow.

Garnet hit the ground with a thud.

She did her best to turn the impact into a roll, sky and ground circling around her in a dizzying cycle.

She finally came to a stop and sprang to her feet, dusting the sand and dirt off her body.

Garnet looked around the battlefield to get used to her surroundings again. In every direction, dozens and dozens of gems were fighting and screaming and _dying-_

_We need to find Rose._

Garnet’s eyes lifted. On the opposite side of the battlefield, past all the gems beating each other into the ground, was a small, pink figure.

_Time to run._

Garnet clutched Pearl tightly in her left hand and ran for her life. 

Garnet ran past one of their Agate allies just as she let out a battle cry, running to fight a horde of Citrine soldiers who’d abandoned their ships.

At her right, a group of Pyrites fell to the ground after being hit by the Celestite guns, sobbing uncontrollably.

Garnet dodged left, nearly falling into a crater three times her size left by a grenade.

An Amethyst’s whip wrapped around her left hand, dragging her backwards. She grunted in frustration and pulled at the whip with all her might. A bolt of lightning traveled down her arm, through the whip, and into the Homeworld soldier, turning her to ash.

_I didn’t know we could do that._

Someone called her name from somewhere on the battlefield.

Garnet scanned the terrain until she found Crazy Lace, covered in black dust, crawling from the wreckage of her crashed fighter jet. In between coughs, she screamed, “On your right!”

Garnet whirled to find a three-pointed spear streaming toward her face. Instinctively, she blocked her eyes with her free hand. 

Before she could blink, she was on the ground. 

She refused to look at her gem.

There was no way she had been cracked. It simply wasn’t an option. 

She closed her fingers gently around her palm, dimly noticing the violent way they were shaking. 

When the spear came for her again, it shattered against her gauntlet. Garnet threw the gem holding it to the side with half a thought. 

On the other side of the cavern, another Celestite ship crashed to the ground, bursting into flames on impact. 

She needed to find Rose.

Garnet ran faster than she’d ever run in her life. The battle continued to rage around her. Her vision was suddenly tinged with red, the ground beneath her feet going in and out of focus. Garnet faintly heard the screams of her friends, the shouted commands of the Homeworld soldiers, the explosions piling on top of each other until they blended into an incessant, dull roar.

Garnet skidded to a stop just as she reached a ravine, a deep crevice three times as wide as she was, jutting through the ground like someone had drawn it.

_Don’t look down there. You know it won’t be good._

Garnet searched her future vision for specification, but all she found in any timeline was fear. No clarity, no warning of what lay deep below her feet. Just pure, unadulterated terror.

_We have to._

She took a tentative step forward and gazed down into the ravine, her spare hand shielding her eyes from the sun.

Garnet could almost make out several large forms gathered at the bottom, and a few more settled on the rocks jutting out from the sides of the crack.

“Hello?” she shouted. “Is anyone down there?”

She was barely able to hear her own voice through the clamor of battle, but she strained her ears downward nonetheless. She was met only with silence.

Garnet squinted down, leaning as far as she could without falling in. But she could only make out a few basic outlines.

A ship overhead blocked out the sunlight streaming into her eyes, and she was finally able to clearly view the inside of the ravine. 

Fear, cold as ice, sluiced through her veins as she saw what filled the ravine clearly for the first time.

Bodies. Human bodies. Dozens of them, mangled and covered in that sticky, red substance they were all filled with. Their mouths were open in terror, their eyes wide and unseeing. 

The sounds of the battlefield disappeared. The whole world stopped. Garnet felt tears spill down her face.

On the barren ground in front of her, a butterfly landed, pure and white as Earth’s snow. 

“We tried to take them first,” a voice hissed from behind.

Garnet whirled to see Onyx- no, this wasn’t her friend. This was Onyx’s corpse, being used to animate some other dark being. Phantom Quartz, it had said. 

“Their forms were not compatible with ours,” said the Phantom Quartz. “Filthy, stinking organics. They could not withstand the process. Only true gems will suffice for our purposes.”

The Phantom Quartz inched closer, arms raised, hands glowing steadily with white light. 

“Don’t worry. Even in your fused state, you can still be of use.”

Garnet summoned her gauntlets, brought back her free hand into fist, and slammed it into Onyx’s chest with all her might. The force blew the dirt and dust on the ground tens of feet away, ruffling Garnet’s hair and forcing her to readjust her stance. 

The Phantom Quartz didn’t even budge. 

Garnet glanced behind her. She only had a few feet to go. 

“I’ll find a way to save you, Onyx. I promise.”

Garnet sent up a quick prayer to the stars, and broke into a run. 

She darted along the outskirts of the ravine, ignoring the screams of the Phantom Quartz behind her, and resumed her course toward the cliffs. 

Another Celestite jet crashed to the ground and burst into flames. Was the one of Homeworld’s, or one of theirs? Garnet had no way of knowing. 

A loud voice cut through the confusion. “Garnet!”

Garnet’s eyes shot toward the sky. Bending from the top of a ledge jutting out from the cliff face, hand outstretched, was her savior.

“Rose!” Garnet cried.  
“Here, I’ll pull you up!”

Garnet lunged for Rose’s hand, clinging to Pearl’s gem with a death grip. Their fingers entwined, and Garnet found herself suddenly standing on Rose’s right side. Swaying on her feet, panting so hard that her chest ached, but with the ground beneath her feet and Rose’s smile in her line of vision.

Rose turned back to the cannons, her hair whipping around her face. “Fire!”

The beam from the light cannons whizzed over her head, singeing the ends of her hair. They shot toward the sky in an overwhelming display, but just barely missed the Ametrine ships circling overhead. 

“Fire!” 

Her light cannons let forth another burst of fiery power, hitting the nearest Ametrine ships directly in their engines and sending more than a few Homeworld soldiers on the ground running in the other direction.

Rose turned to Garnet. “Did you and Pearl get to the command center?”

“We didn’t even get close,” Garnet wheezed, “Pearl was injured. Onyx was turned into some horrible monster, and I think that-”

“It’s okay!” Rose exclaimed, one eye on the battlefield. “I’m going to give the order to fall back soon, this was so much more than we ever expected to see-”

“Rose, I’ve never seen anything like this before. Onyx was killed- well, I don’t know if she was, but- but it called itself _‘Phantom Quartz’_? Have you ever heard of that? But it followed me, and I found this huge ravine packed with dead humans, and the Phantom Quartz said it was their doing-”

Rose turned away from the cannons, her smile wiped away. She stepped forward and gripped Garnet’s shoulders in a stranglehold, her face a mask of panic.

“Rose, what are you-”

“Why did you say Phantom Quartz?” Rose snapped. “Where did you hear that from? Who told you to say that?”

Garnet gasped in pain. “Rose, you’re hurting me.”

Rose let go of Garnet’s arms like she had been burned. “I...You’re sure it was Phantom Quartz? It wasn’t anything else?”

Garnet shook her head. “That’s definitely what it said. I’ve never seen anything like this before, Rose. It was like...it was like someone _broke_ Onyx, but instead of letting her die, it- it used her form like a puppeteer.”

Rose’s gaze fixed on a point in the distance, unseeing. She let out a sudden, hysterical laugh. “I should’ve known White would figure it out. There’s no way she’d let me leave without having someone...” 

The rest of Rose’s words were lost as the buzzing in Garnet’s ears overpowered even the deafening explosions down below.

The ground rose to meet her face in a dizzying array. Her left hand unfurled once it hit the ground, limp, and Pearl’s gem rolled away in the dirt. Her head lolled to the right, and she finally caught sight of her gem. Sapphire’s gem.

As her eyes slipped closed, only two things remained in her mind. The sight of her beautiful, _beautiful_ gem covered in more cracks and fissures than she could count. And two terrible words.

_Oh no._


	12. A Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No. Absolutely not. Do you really think White Diamond would pay attention to a Pearl? That she would be able to tell one Pearl from another? I’ve never heard such a ridiculous idea in my life.”
> 
> “She has spies everywhere. You know that.” 
> 
> A nervous swallow. “We cannot tell our Diamonds this, then. We must lie.” 
> 
> “I don’t like to lie.” (She’s lying.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A brief trip back to Homeworld.

“You know too, don’t you?” came a whisper. 

“I have no idea what you mean.” 

“About Pink Diamond.”

“That she’s been giving our Diamonds trouble about the newest colony?” A derisive laugh. “That’s old news.”

“No. Her Pearl was  _ there.”  _ The voice lost its breathy affectation, morphing into the voice of a warrior, sharp as steel. “At the Cloud Arena. She was with the band of rebels that humiliated my Diamond in front of her court. She was swinging swords around, fighting highly trained soldiers and  _ winning.” _

“That’s preposterous,” said the haughty one, still as haughty as ever. “We’re not allowed to handle weapons.” 

Silence. 

“Are you sure?” The asker was terrified, her voice shot through with worry and panic. 

“I would recognize her anywhere.”

The silence stretched into seconds, then into minutes. An eavesdropper would think the two had walked away. 

“So…” the voice wobbled dangerously.  _ “Pink Diamond _ is-”

“Can you think of another explanation? I know what I saw.” 

“Does anyone else know?” 

A beat passed. Gestures and expressions were exchanged. 

“No. Absolutely not. Do you really think  _ White Diamond  _ would pay attention to a  _ Pearl? _ That she would be able to tell one Pearl from another? I’ve never heard such a ridiculous idea in my life.”

“She has spies everywhere. You know that.” 

A nervous swallow. “We cannot tell our Diamonds this, then. We must lie.” 

“I don’t like to lie.” (She’s lying.) 

A scoff. “You lie all the time. We all do. It’s the only way to survive the  _ Yes, my Diamond  _ and  _ No, my Diamond  _ and  _ I surely didn’t have any knowledge of this before you learned of it, my Diamond.” _

“But if we know, White Diamond must know. And if White Diamond knows-”

“I know.”

Twin shivers of horror. 

“She’ll do exactly what she did to the first one. Only worse. And we might suffer the same fate for hiding it in the first place.”

The air became rife with tension. 

A glance over the shoulder. “We keep silent, then. To protect ourselves. And to protect her. For as long as we can. She might have discolored feet and a petulant attitude, but no one deserves that fate.”

“We can say it was for their own good, if it comes to that. It would destroy them both to know the biggest threat to the empire is a member of their own authority.”

“But the rebellion is still small. They may very well lose, and Pink Diamond might return to her post with no one the wiser, except us.”

Both parties were aware that was not the case. 

“For now, silence. Agreed?”

“Agreed.”

They shook on it. Both hands were trembling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a lot of emotions about Blue Pearl and Yellow Pearl.
> 
> Inspired by this: https://www.instagram.com/p/B7g5lwEpHU_/?igshid=58avp4xa8jxp
> 
> “Where was her Pearl?”


	13. Inside This Place is Warm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rubies weren’t the sharpest, but there was no way Ruby wouldn’t be able to figure this one out. 
> 
> She saw the glow. She knows Rose is a Diamond. She knows we’ve been lying this whole time. She knows she knows she knows she knows-
> 
> “You healed her with your tears?” Ruby finished. “Is that a power that all Rose Quartzes have?”
> 
> Rose and Pearl stared at each other for a fraction of a second. 
> 
> “Yes!” they exclaimed in unison.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to Earth, right after the battle.

Ruby woke up. Sapphire did not.

◊◊◊◊

The first sense Ruby regained was her hearing. 

“Rose, you can’t! Someone will see!”

“You want me to let her die? To let _Garnet_ die?”

“Of course not. But be reasonable!”

“I’ve never done this before, but I’ve seen Blue do it, and I’m sure that if I just concentrate-”

Ruby’s eyes snapped open.

Before she even gained any awareness of her surroundings, she sprang to her feet.

The only thing she could feel was _pain_. Physically, she was fine, but she felt like someone had ripped out her insides. Like something irreplaceable had been stolen from her.

Her whole body shaking, Ruby turned toward her right hand. No gem sat on the bright red palm.

She was alone.

“Where’s Sapphire?” Ruby screamed.

Someone’s hand was on her arm. Ruby jerked away, but the hand dragged her until she was in the open air, the wind blowing in her face. Had they been inside before?

“Ruby!” a voice shouted.

Ruby looked up and saw Pearl’s panicked face crowding her vision. It was almost psychedelic to look up into her face instead of down.

“What- what happened?”

“Sapphire was hit,” Pearl explained hastily. “We think with a spear, or a sword of some kind? Rose is doing everything she can to try and heal her, but we don’t know if-”

“I have to go to her! You don’t understand, I need to help her-” Ruby tried to run back inside the tent, but Pearl’s surprisingly strong arms held her back.

“You can’t do anything, Ruby. Let Rose work. She knows what she’s doing.”

Ruby’s legs went out from under her. She lay there, sprawled on the ground for longer than she probably knew, watching the tent for any kind of change. 

A faint, pink light surrounded the makeshift enclosure.

Ruby didn’t believe in any gods like the humans did. On Homeworld, the closest thing to deities were the Diamonds, and they had proven to be more monstrous and horrifying than anything else Ruby had seen.

 _Please,_ Ruby prayed anyway. _Save her. She doesn’t deserve this._

No one answered. But Ruby knew that inside the tent, Rose was doing everything she could. 

Ruby didn’t need gods. She had Rose Quartz. That was more than enough. 

◊◊◊◊

Ruby was huddled on the ground, tears streaming down her face, gently rocking back and forth like she didn’t even realize she was doing it. Pearl stole a quick glance at the tent. The glow had faded almost completely- was it safe to go inside?

“I’m going to see how Rose is doing,” Pearl said to Ruby. “Wait out here, okay?”

Ruby nodded mindlessly. 

Pearl stuck her head inside. Rose was standing with Sapphire’s gem in her hands, eyes shining.

“I think it worked,” Rose breathed, placing Sapphire’s gem on one of the makeshift wooden stools. “I did the same thing that I did with the pebbles, and even though Sapphire was already alive, it- it seemed to work.”

Pearl crossed over and snuck a peek at Sapphire’s gem. She almost collapsed in relief. It was entirely whole- no one would ever know the extent of the damage. 

“Oh, thank the stars. I’ll go- Ruby! Ruby, you can come inside now!”

Ruby threw the tent flap open, eyes blazing. 

Her eyes locked on Sapphire’s gem. “You…”

Pearl’s relief was quickly doused by fear. All gems knew that to be cracked was as good as a death sentence. No one could heal that kind of damage, as far as most of them knew. 

Rubies weren’t the sharpest, but there was no way Ruby wouldn’t be able to figure this one out. 

_She saw the glow. She knows Rose is a Diamond. She knows we’ve been lying this whole time. She knows she knows she knows she knows-_

“You healed her with your tears?” Ruby finished. “Is that a power that all Rose Quartzes have?”

Rose and Pearl stared at each other for a fraction of a second. 

“Yes!” they exclaimed in unison.

Ruby didn’t seem to notice. She stumbled over, her grimace finally softening into a smile. She reached out towards Sapphire’s gem before glancing worriedly at Rose.

“Can I…”

Rose’s lips quirked up into a smile. “Of course. She’s going to be just fine.”

Ruby reached out toward Sapphire again before pulling her hand back like she had been burned. She shook her head vigorously and backed up a few steps, nearly tripping over Pearl.

“No, I, uh,” Ruby muttered, “I should probably stay away from her. All I’ve done is hurt her. This is...all of this is my fault.”

“What are you talking about?” Pearl asked. Even she could hear the harsh tone of her voice, but Ruby was being ridiculous. “We’ve determined that a Homeworld soldier threw a projectile at Garnet’s hand, causing the damage to Sapphire’s gemstone. How does that have anything to do with you?”

“Pearl,” Rose scolded under her breath.

“What?”

Rose glanced at Pearl’s face. Whatever she found there must have been disheartening, because she turned to Ruby and ignored Pearl entirely. 

“Ruby,” Rose said gently, like she was talking to a feral animal, “you don’t have anything to worry about.”

Ruby tore at her hair, gazing at Rose from between her hands.

“How can you say that?” she shouted. “Sapphire was _cracked,_ she was almost _shattered,_ and it was all because I was too stupid to watch out for Pearl in the first place instead of running off to beat up the Peridots…”

Pearl bristled. “You didn’t need to come save me, Ruby. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”

“No, you’re not!” Ruby exclaimed, throwing her hands into the air. “Neither is Sapphire! Neither one of you should be anywhere _near_ a battlefield! It wasn’t what you were made to do!”

Ruby’s words rang through the now silent air. 

“Pearl-” Rose started.

“Right,” Pearl said tersely. “I’ll just...I’ll go check on how Crazy Lace is doing.”

Rose called after her again, but Pearl had already dashed out of the tent.

◊◊◊◊

Ruby watched as the tent flap fluttered after Pearl. 

A cruel thought popped into her head, unbidden:

_That’s_ _the way Pearls act. Petty. Haughty. Selfish and naive._

Ruby blinked, hard. That wasn’t true, and she knew it. Even if Pearl had treated her unfairly just now. 

When Ruby turned back to Rose, her sad eyes were still trained on the place where Pearl disappeared.

She sighed, her shoulders slumping. “Ruby, I’m sure that you mean well. But Pearl is very insecure about not belonging on the battlefield. It’s what she wants to do, and she’s very good at it.”

Ruby’s gaze dropped to the palm of her right hand, the skin clean and unmarred. She hastily closed her fingers around it when she realized Rose was looking too.

“We got ambushed today,” Rose said quietly. “It was totally unprecedented. No one could have predicted the amount of soldiers Homeworld would send to the Kindergarten.”

“We could have,” Ruby grumbled. “Sapphire could have.” 

Rose laid her hand on Ruby’s shoulder. “Even future vision has its limits.”

“Now it does,” Ruby said, her voice cracking. “Her future vision is all messed up now. She- she sees millions of futures instead of one because she’s fused with me. It makes everything too complicated.”

Dimly, Ruby registered Rose looking at her with something akin to pity. But she didn’t deserve that. Rose was far too special to waste all this time and energy on a Ruby. 

“They were right,” Ruby mumbled, frustratedly wiping at the hot tears now rolling down her face. “Fusion...fusion is t-terrible, and wr- _wrong,_ and, and, and we should be ashamed of ourselves for even _trying_ to-”

 _“Ruby!”_ Rose scolded, shocked. _“_ You know better than anyone that that isn’t true.”

“How is it not true? If- if we hadn’t fused, Sapphire never would’ve gotten hurt. You would’ve known exactly what to expect at the battle. Onyx would still be alive. Everyone would be _much_ better off without Garnet.”

Rose grabbed Ruby’s wrists and Ruby looked up at her in surprise. 

“If it wasn’t for Garnet,” Rose began, her eyes boring into Ruby’s own, “Pearl and I? We’d be dead right now. The Crystal Gems wouldn’t exist. Don’t you remember Sapphire’s prediction at the Sky Arena? The two of us would’ve been captured and none of the good things we’ve done would ever have taken place.”

Ruby hesitated.

“Really?” she asked, her voice embarrassingly small. 

Rose smiled warmly. “I would never lie to you, Ruby. You need to trust me about this. Okay?”

Ruby allowed herself a small grin. “Okay. I trust you.”

  


◊◊◊◊

  


“Why did you save me?” Pearl asked, long after Earth’s only sun had disappeared behind the cliffs. 

She and Ruby were alone in the tent, waiting for Sapphire to reform. Rose had grabbed Pearl and brought her back here- supposedly to “keep watch,” but Pearl knew exactly what her real motivation was. 

She had already forgiven Ruby. It’s not like she said anything Pearl wasn’t used to hearing from everyone else. But there was something she still couldn’t understand, no matter how hard she thought about it. 

Ruby picked her head up at Pearl’s question. “Huh?”

“I don’t understand why you saved me,” Pearl began slowly, trying to choose her words carefully this time. “You could have easily sacrificed me and completed the mission successfully.”

“Well, uh… “ Ruby’s eyes shot to Sapphire’s gem, as if silently willing her to reform. When it became obvious she couldn’t speed up the healing process through sheer willpower, she sighed and dropped her face into her hands.

“Sapph’s much better at stuff like this,” Ruby mumbled. “I mean, we are- well, you know what I mean, it’s just-”

Ruby groaned and sank even further into her hands. “We saved you because we wanted to.”

Pearl blinked in confusion. “What?”

Ruby lifted her head up and shrugged, completely matter-of-fact and without guile.

“You’re our friend,” she said simply. “We’d never abandon our friends.”

Pearl searched Ruby’s face for some sign of deceit, but found none. Her expression was jarringly open and honest.

Pearl had never had a _friend_ before. 

She’d had the other Pearls in the palace, of course. But Yellow Pearl had barely tolerated her presence. Blue Pearl had been a friend of a sort, but had quickly clammed up in the presence of her Diamond, leaving Pearl lonelier than ever. Certainly neither of them noticed she was gone, and they _definitely_ didn’t miss her. If the other Pearls were in this situation- Pearl almost laughed at the thought -they would have abandoned her in a heartbeat. Especially if it would have given them a tactical advantage. 

Rose, of course, had taken over Pearl’s entire world from the moment they first met. But it wasn’t like Rose was her friend.

The other Pearls would’ve betrayed her instantly. Rose was hers to protect and serve, not the other way around. But Garnet had saved Pearl from an almost certain shattering, just because she wanted to. 

Perhaps Rose was actually right about this planet. Perhaps…perhaps this was a place for new beginnings, after all.

“For what it’s worth,” Pearl said, trying to keep her voice aloof and failing miserably. “I would want to save Garnet, too."

Ruby grinned fiendishly, all rough edges and bursting happiness and blazing fire. She looked so much like Rose in that moment that Pearl had to look away. It made sense. Ruby was one of hers, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think of this chapter? I hope I did Ruby justice- she's one of my favorite characters.


	14. The Revealer of Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Goshenite blinked up at Garnet, her ragged canines stretching into a terrifying grin. Just when Pearl thought the Goshenite had truly lost all sense of where she was, she broke out into song:
> 
> “Three scarlets a royal high o’er land did meet
> 
> Though ‘twas one bereaved she was set to greet.
> 
> Two lie asleep, yet two lie aloud, still two lie together-
> 
> Unknowing, deceiving, hearts light as a feather.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter probably took me the longest to write, second only to the battle. I wrote it all down in a notebook during class around four months ago, and I finally got it all together and in shape to be posted.

Garnet’s new form was startling, to say the least.

Gone were the splotches of color in her hair, the mismatched, dizzying style of her clothes. Her hair was pitch black, orderly, and the entire rest of her form was equally as subdued. Pearl couldn’t even see her eyes anymore. She had summoned a thick visor to cover all three of them, as well as half her face. 

It was as if, like Pearl, she was in mourning for her old lives. For the splendor of Homeworld, and the peace that came from knowing exactly what was expected of you for the rest of your days.

This Garnet was not an expression of affection and childlike glee. This was a soldier, ready for war. 

Perhaps that was why she had decided to stick with gauntlets for so long, forgoing any kind of sword or spear. When she was in battle, it would be near impossible to figure out what she really was; the gauntlets hid her gems completely. If someone looked at Garnet without having heard about who she was, they would never know she was a fusion. It wasn’t like Homeworld gems were  _ used  _ to seeing fusions between different gems. Unless they were looking for it, they would never know how desperately Ruby and Sapphire loved each other, and how much they had sacrificed to stay together. 

Pearl assumed Garnet would want some time to herself, so to speak, after everything that had happened in battle. Sure enough, Garnet had disappeared into the forest for a few days while their small army regrouped. 

Pearl had been losing hope that she’d ever come back. But on the morning of the fifth day, she strolled back into camp and walked right up to where Rose and Pearl were sitting, sharpening their swords. 

“We need to go somewhere. I can show you the way.”

Rose didn’t even blink. “Where?”

Garnet hesitated. Pearl could almost  _ see  _ the argument she was having inside her head. “To see an old friend. I think you could help her, and once she’s better, she could help us. Immensely.”

Rose looked to Pearl, inclining her head to the side as if to say,  _ What do you think? _

Pearl felt heat rise to her cheeks. Was Rose really asking for her opinion?

“Pearl?” Rose prompted. 

_ Whatever you think, my Diamond. _

That’s what she was supposed to say. That’s what she knew how to say. 

Pearl forced the words down and straightened her spine. “If Garnet says this friend of hers can help our cause, I think we should go see her.”

Rose smiled at her, her eyes filled with warmth, and Pearl felt her knees go weak. 

  
  


◊◊◊◊   
  


When the warp stream faded, Pearl nearly jumped out of her skin.

Just the other day, Rose had told her about the human legend of vampires. Skin the color of bleached fabrics the humans left in the sun for too long. Clever, cunning eyes. Immortality not unlike their own. But when humans relaxed and let their guard down, when they “slept,” the vampires would strike. Long, deathly sharp teeth elongated from their gums, preparing them to move much faster than the quickest Quartz soldier to suck the life out of humans’ throats.

At the time, disgust had been the only emotion Pearl had felt. Eating food was bad enough, but actually drinking that foul-smelling substance that ran through humanity’s veins? Unheard of.

Pearl had never thought about the other aspects of the legend. The fear entwined in every word the humans spoke about it. 

But now, looking at the  _ thing  _ huddled on the ground, she understood. 

In the split second it took her to register what was going on, she summoned her swords and brandished them in front of her, leaping in front of Rose in a defensive stance.

“Garnet,” she warned, “you have some explaining to do.”

The creature the three of them now faced- because that’s what it was, a  _ creature- _ was hideous, even from this distance. 

“It’s alright,” Garnet murmured. “We have nothing to fear.”

“Alright?” Pearl asked shrilly. “What part of this is alright?”

A warm, soft hand rested on her shoulder, and she felt her muscles relax slightly. 

“Pearl,” Rose soothed, “Garnet knows what she’s talking about. If she says this...this  _ gem _ is not a threat, then we need to trust her.”

Pearl stepped back to her place next to Garnet, but kept her swords raised.

“Just don’t look directly into her eyes,” Garnet said. “She’s scared.”

Pearl suppressed an incredulous laugh. This thing was scared of  _ them? _

Garnet cleared her throat and called out to the creature. “Goshenite! We’ve come to help you.”

The creature stood and raised its face, and Pearl’s breath caught in her throat. 

It seemed like once, a very long time ago, this thing must have been beautiful. But now, it looked like it had been caught in a fire. Its choppy white hair was shorn close to the scalp on one side, the rest singed at the edges. It had wrapped itself in a shawl that looked as if it had once been white, but was now stained a dirty brown, one side of it completely torn to shreds. 

By the stars, its  _ face _ …

Someone with very, very large hands had slashed this thing’s cheek with wild abandon. Its skin hung in decaying flaps, blackened and shriveled at the ends. Its eyes were a milky pale color, as if sight had been stolen from them. It had two long, sharp teeth stabbing what was left of its lower lip, and Pearl gasped aloud.

_ Vampire. _

The creature moved slowly towards them, its feet completely noiseless on the leaf covered ground. 

As it grew closer, a faint buzzing began in Pearl’s ears. She shook her head to get rid of it, but it only grew louder. Her vision seemed strangely fuzzy around the edges, her grip on her swords growing weaker and weaker.

Wasn’t there another legend about the vampire, one that had to do with “glamours” and “bewitching”? Didn’t they say that if a vampire looked directly into your eyes, the windows to your soul, it could freeze you in place, bend you to its every whim?

In the span of a second, the creature was inches away from Pearl.

Pearl felt her thoughts grow foggy.

Surely this gem wasn’t actually a vampire. 

Why, this creature wasn’t ugly at all. 

Her long white hair that had appeared stringy and burned was now flowing over her shoulders, undulating gently in the still air. Her cream-colored shawl was embedded with tiny, sparkling jewels that looked like silver stars, and it looked impossibly soft to the touch. 

Dimly, Pearl heard Garnet call out to her. But since she sounded so far away, it probably wasn’t anything important. 

The creature’s gem was strangely shielded from view by her garments, but Pearl could see the outline of it on her chest just fine. It was shaped like a tower, like those towers made out of progressively smaller stones stacked on top of each other that human children loved to build. 

The skin on her face, which Pearl had foolishly thought to be scarred, was as smooth and supple as Rose’s. A small smile tugged at her ebony lips, lighting up her already luminous eyes. As she drew closer, Pearl felt her hands go completely slack, the sound of her swords hitting the ground much farther away than it should have been. Small tendrils of light spilled from the gem’s fingertips, and Pearl felt an irresistible urge to reach out and touch them.

In that moment, Garnet and Rose disappeared. Only she and this gem existed on this planet. In this galaxy. Everything would work out fine if Pearl just reached out and- 

A hand with an iron grip latched on to Pearl’s upper arm and yanked her backwards.

Pearl let out an undignified shriek, yanking her arm back, but whoever it was held firm.

“...you doing? 

Pearl glanced backwards, and the spell was broken.

Rose was peering down at her, concern etched onto her features.

“What- why am I…?”

Rose let go of Pearl’s arm and pointed at the gem.  _ “Look  _ at her, Pearl.”

Pearl turned. Her mouth fell open in horror. She was just as horribly disfigured as Pearl had originally thought. What had just happened to her? 

The gem smiled at Pearl, revealing teeth that were horribly cracked and yellowed. She raised a single gnarled finger and went to poke Pearl in the chest with it. Pearl flinched away before they touched.

“Four sources,” the gem rasped, “four corners, four tempers and moods. Crossbred for a conscience; soon, you must choose.”

As soon as the words left her mouth, she scrambled away from them and sat down cross-legged on a nearby log. 

Pearl laughed, a little hysterically. “Care to explain, Garnet?”

Garnet paused for a moment. “She’s just doing what she was trained to do.”

“And what’s that?” Pearl asked, dimly aware of the shrill tone her voice was taking. “Drive other gems to insanity? Lure them in and then shatter them with her teeth?”

“Find the truth,” Garnet said. “Goshenites can view all of a gem’s inner thoughts and memories if they make physical contact.”

Pearl felt lightheaded all of a sudden. If she hadn't moved away when she did, all would be lost. For all of them. 

“Why did she target Pearl?” Rose asked, as poised as ever. “I mean, why didn’t it affect either of us?”

A conflicted expression flashed across Garnet’s face. “In most circumstances, she can sense when someone feels guilty about something.”

Pearl felt her face heat up. “I don’t feel guilty about anything.”

_ Too fast. You said that too fast. _

“It’s equally possible that she just targeted you randomly,” Garnet continued. “She’s a bit…”

“Vicious? Horrifying? So dangerous that we should leave immediately?”

Garnet shot Pearl a look, but even with the visor blocking her face, Pearl could see that there was no fire behind it. “You’ll see.”

The Goshenite piped up from her log. “Helloo-oo!”

Garnet turned slowly toward her. “Hello, Goshenite. How are you today?”

The Goshenite blinked up at Garnet, her ragged canines stretching into a terrifying grin. Just when Pearl thought the Goshenite had truly lost all sense of where she was, she broke out into song:

_ “Three scarlets a royal high o’er land did meet _

_ Though ‘twas one bereaved she was set to greet. _

_ Two lie asleep, yet two lie aloud, still two lie together- _

_ Unknowing, deceiving, hearts light as a feather.” _

“Right,” Pearl said slowly. “Well, it was nice to meet you. We’ll just be going back to-”

“Pearl,” Garnet reprimanded. “Just give me a minute with her.”

Pearl narrowed her eyebrows. “Do you  _ know  _ this...gem?”

Garnet nodded. “Sapphires and Goshenites are often grouped together on Homeworld. Upper class gems need to view the present just as much as they need to know the future. Goshenites can report everything that’s happening in any corner of the universe. In some circles, they’re called the Revealers of Truth.”

“But…” Pearl glanced at the Goshenite again. She was ripping pieces of wood off of her log, humming tunelessly as she went. 

“She’s crazy,” Pearl finished. “She’s insane.”

“Just let me try,” Garnet repeated. “I think I have a chance.”

Garnet took a wary step toward the gem. “Do you remember me?” 

Goshenite cocked her head to the side, her eyes running up and down Garnet’s body. “Willfulness twisted, corundum no longer. If you remain mindful, then you will be stronger.”

Garnet let the Goshenite’s words hang unanswered.

“Do you recognize me?” Garnet asked again.

She chewed her lip for a moment before nodding. “Blue as the sky and bright as the day, sees what each one is about to say.”

Garnet nodded slowly. “Yes. You remember Sapphire, then. That’s right.”

Goshenite beckoned her closer, crooking her pointer finger.

Garnet took another hesitant step forward. “Yes?”

“Come,” Goshenite hissed. 

Garnet sat on the ground next to the Goshenite’s log. “What do you need to tell me?”

Goshenite glanced at Pearl suspiciously before turning back to Garnet and leaning in close. 

“Pure lovers believe each is safe from new war,” Goshenite hissed. “They know not that their master does rot at her core!”

Goshenite clapped her hands together in delight, throwing her head back and nearly falling off of her log. 

“What is she  _ talking _ about?” Pearl muttered.

“Maybe she’s referring to the Diamonds,” Rose guessed, “and how corrupt they’ve become?”

Goshenite’s eyes finally turned toward Rose. She burst into laughter, nearly falling over from the force of her giggles.

Rose laughed nervously. “What’s so funny?”

Goshenite laughed even harder.

Pearl took Rose’s arm. “Perhaps we should come back at another-”

“Pink!” Goshenite exclaimed between guffaws. “Pink, pink, pink, pink…”

Goshenite’s laughter stopped. A tear rolled down her scarred cheek, and her eyes remained locked on Rose. 

“Oh, Pink,” she whispered, heartbroken.

Pearl’s eyes shot open. She glanced at Rose, but Rose only seemed confused.

“Garnet,” Rose asked, a faint tremor in her voice, “what’s she talking about?”

Goshenite tore at her hair, uneven clumps of it ripping from her scalp and tangling in her jagged fingernails. “Liar, liar,  _ liar... _ ”

Rose kneeled onto the ground next to the Goshenite.

“Hey,” she whispered, “it’s alright.”

Of course Rose would try and make her feel better. Even when her deepest secret was in danger of being revealed, Rose couldn't help but be kind. 

Goshenite leapt off her log with surprising agility and scrambled away from Rose. She grabbed Garnet’s arm with a clawed hand and dragged her to the side, using Garnet as a kind of shield between the two of them. 

“The Diamonds must have done something to her,” Rose said sadly. “It would take at least two of them combined to create this kind of damage.”

Goshenite sniffled. “Ter-terrifying, terrified, terribly morose. Blush brings the truth- give  _ her _ a dose!”

Garnet slowly untangled herself from Goshenite’s grip. Garnet turned to face her and cupped her face in her hands. 

“It’s alright,” Garnet soothed, “no one’s going to hurt you.”

Goshenite’s expression cleared. Her eyes clouded until they resembled bone-white marbles set deep into her face.

After a few moments, her eyes faded back to normal- as normal as her eyes got, which was still very unsettling. Goshenite gently lifted Garnet’s hands off her face, her back straight, and her face looking more sane that it had in their entire encounter.

Goshenite locked eyes with Pearl. She seemed much older, all of a sudden. “She  _ knows.” _

Pearl couldn’t look away. “What do you mean?”

Goshenite grimaced. “May the stars save you, child.”

With that, she scampered over to the nearest boulder, climbing atop it and laying down, her limbs curled together in a fetal position.

Garnet watched her sadly. “Do you think you could heal her, Rose, like you healed me?”

Rose hesitated. “Garnet, this is different. Your damage was physical. Goshenite’s  _ mind  _ has been broken _.” _

“We don’t know that for sure,” Garnet said halfheartedly. “I think she might still be in there.”

Rose shook her head. “Garnet, I’ve seen this before.”

Garnet’s face turned ashen. “What?”

“When...whenever a gem would  _ really  _ misbehave in the Kindergarten, Pink Diamond would have them sent back to Homeworld. I’ve heard stories about White Diamond possessing other gems or wiping their memories, but when she really had no use for them any more, she’d...she’d collaborate with the other Diamonds to break their minds. That was the only thing worse than being harvested or shattered. White Diamond wanted these gems to survive, to continue to live their lives in unendurable agony. I’m sorry, but I can’t heal that kind of damage. No one except the Diamonds can.”

As far as Pearl knew, that was true. But didn't all _four_ Diamonds need to be together to damage a gem in this way? 

Pearl almost scoffed at the thought. Pink would never be so cruel. It must have been the other three.

Garnet looked crestfallen.

“I’m sorry, Garnet. I wish I could.”

“That’s…” Garnet’s voice cracked. “That’s alright. I’m just going to...to go back to the…”

Garnet turned and all but ran to the warp pad, activating it and warping back to their base before Pearl could shout something after her.

Pearl sighed. “Poor Garnet. She seems really upset about this.”

“I wish I could help,” said Rose, “but I’m not powerful enough to do it on my own. I’d need at least one of the others to help. And we can’t have that.”

Even if Rose approached them as Pink, they'd never listen to her. They treated her like...

Like all other gems treated Pearls.

Pearl had to protect Rose from them. She had to make sure that Rose spent as little time as possible in their presence.

“No. Of course we can’t," Pearl agreed. 

The two of them headed back to the warp pad. Pearl couldn’t help but look over her shoulder at the gem they had left behind. Goshenite looked right back at her.

By the time they got back to the camp, Pearl could still see the pity in her eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think of Goshenite? She was really hard to write, but I had a lot of fun coming up with the rhymes!


	15. Hey, I'm Just Like You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How did you find me here?” Pearl asked, instantly suspicious. 
> 
> The Bismuth looked away. 
> 
> Pearl frowned. Was she blushing?
> 
> “I...might have followed you,” Bismuth admitted. “For four hours.”

The battles began to blur into each other. Life became a dizzying cycle of fighting, chaos, losing, regrouping, and going out to fight again. Pearl started to run on autopilot, barely paying attention to the Homeworld gems she tore through like paper or the screams of her friends dying all around her. Her body almost ran itself. Only one thing remained in her mind: how happy they’d all be once this mess was finally over. 

Garnet thought Pearl was reckless for vaulting in front of Rose whenever an enemy got too close. But no one understood that Pearl had a duty that was much bigger than herself. If Rose was poofed, it would be the end of everything they’d built. Everyone would see what she really was. It was much better, and easier, for Pearl to get herself destroyed as many times as it took to fend off Homeworld’s armies. It was necessary. 

When they weren’t fighting, Pearl would’ve happily spent every second at Rose’s side, but Rose had ordered- well, _encouraged_ her to spend time with the other gems who had joined the Rebellion.

Pearl had Garnet, of course. But Garnet was much better at socializing. Maybe it was more Ruby than Sapphire, or maybe it didn’t matter either way. All Pearl knew was that every time Garnet laughed with the others, every time she sparred with them or went off on small adventures with a whole band of them gathered around her, Pearl felt like she didn’t exist. Like the wind could blow her away as easy as dead leaves. 

It wasn’t that Garnet didn’t care about Pearl- it was quite the opposite, really. Garnet was just likable. Once everyone got over their inborn prejudices against fusions, they all took a liking to her. How could they not? Garnet was so much like Rose; they were both so comfortable in their own skins that everyone couldn’t help but be drawn to them. To try and get a taste of that self-love and strength.

Rose had nudged her to socialize on more than one occasion. So if Pearl went out of her way to try and talk to the others, she could blame it all on Rose.

Probably.

Today was the day.

Fidgeting the whole way, Pearl strode over to a few Jaspers who were sitting around a field of tiny white flowers. Jasmine, the humans called them.

“Hello,” Pearl said. She immediately cringed at how loud her voice was. Completely of its own accord, her hand lifted and gave a rather stupid looking wave.

The Jaspers ignored her. 

She sat down in the grass next to them, pulling at the flowers near her feet. 

“They’re quite beautiful,” Pearl managed to say, after a moment. “You know, Rose and I saw the humans on this continent grind these flowers up and use them to heal a man after a serious-”

The closest Jasper- a Kinradite, with orange streaks running through her coarse black hair- summoned a set of damaged swords and held them out to Pearl. “Take these to the forge for me, will you?”

Pearl froze. “I-”

“I’ll let you know if we need anything else today.”

Pearl’s hands closed around the swords reflexively.

Kinradite gave her a smile that was more teeth than anything else. “That’s a good Pearl.”

Pearl nodded stiffly. She got up and all but ran in the other direction, the swords still clutched close to her chest. 

◊◊◊◊

  
  


Pearl walked for what seemed like miles. There were plenty of places for her to ditch the swords, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. 

She found herself in a thick forest, trees fifty times her size towering over her head. 

She stopped. 

What was she doing? 

Her legs went out from under her. Pearl stretched herself out on the cool ground, squinting against the sunlight that managed to fight its way through the treetops. 

Should she have stayed on Homeworld after all?

Pearl physically flinched at the thought. No, she had made the right decision. Rose needed her. 

Well. That was the way she liked to think of the situation.

But the truth was, Pearl needed Rose. Without her, there was no reason for her to exist. She might as well volunteer herself to be harvested and become one of those faces in the walls of the palace, straining toward freedom no matter how hopeless it was.

Pearl closed her eyes, but Earth’s angry sun still managed to push past her eyelids. It still wasn’t dark.

No one wanted her here.

Had Rose given her the option to go back to Homeworld just to get rid of her?

Did every gem in the Rebellion think she was useless? 

Did _Garnet_ even like her? Or had she been just trying to spare Pearl’s feelings? 

_No,_ a small voice in her head argued, _she’s your_ friend, _she said she was, Ruby_ said-

But of course Ruby would say that. Sapphire was _dying_ when they had that conversation. For all Ruby knew, she had to be kind to Pearl, or Pearl would do something horrible to the gem Ruby loved most in the world. 

She was alone. 

She’d always been alone, and she always would be. 

No one cared. 

The only reason she was here was to serve Rose. To be there for her. To fight for her, and create a better world where Rose could live in peace. 

She had always known this. Even before she formed, all those years ago, she knew her purpose. 

She just didn’t understand why it felt so lonely. 

Someone tapped her on the shoulder.

“You alright?” asked a gentle voice.

Pearl sat up with a start and wiped at her eyes. “Oh, yes. Fine.”

The gem was silent. 

“Is there something you _needed_ from me?” Pearl snapped.

The gem let out a booming laugh, so unexpectedly loud that Pearl nearly impaled herself on Kindradite’s swords that were still in her lap. “I think I’m good. No need to stab me with any of those.”

Pearl glanced back. It was the Bismuth Rose had picked up a few weeks ago, towering over Pearl and blocking out the harsh glare of the sun. 

Without any invitation, she threw herself down onto the ground next to Pearl, making the trees all around them shake. 

“How did you find me here?” Pearl asked, instantly suspicious. 

The Bismuth looked away. 

Pearl frowned. Was she _blushing?_

“I...might have followed you,” Bismuth admitted. “For four hours.”

Pearl glared at her. “And why did you do that?”

Bismuth scowled, but Pearl had a strange feeling that the anger wasn’t directed at her. “I saw what happened. I hate them too.”

“I’m sorry?” Pearl asked, her tone making it clear that she was not. 

Bismuth jerked her head toward the camp. “Those Jaspers? They think they’re the be-all end-all, the best thing to grace this universe since the stars themselves. What a load of garbage. They’re pretty common on Homeworld, though- I’ve seen lots like them.”

Bismuth laughed again when Pearl didn’t respond. “What am I saying? You’re a _Pearl.”_

Pearl closed her eyes and braced herself, ready for what was coming.

“You’ve probably seen way more stuck-up gems than I have. Tolerating arrogant upper-crusts is, like, your whole job description.” 

Pearl’s eyes snapped open in surprise.

“What are you, seven, eight hundred years old?”

“Four thousand and thirty six,” Pearl corrected automatically. 

“Woah!” Bismuth glanced behind her before leaning in close. “Wanna hear a secret?”

Pearl turned fully around, her legs folded beneath her and the swords dropped onto the grass. “Alright.”

“Don’t tell anybody,” Bismuth said, her voice low, “but I’m only twelve.”

Pearl curled her lip. “What, twelve hundred? That’s not that young. Plenty of gems here are younger than that.”

Bismuth grimaced and shook her head.

It took her a second.

Against her better judgement, Pearl smiled. “You’re twelve years old?”

Bismuth shushed her with an exaggerated motion. “I got a reputation to uphold, Pearl! Keep your voice down!”

Pearl’s smile grew. 

Bismuth rolled her eyes. “All right, come on. I gave you one of my biggest secrets. You gotta give me one, now.”

Pearl froze. 

What could she possible tell her? All her secrets had to remain that way. 

And then it came to her. The times she’d forced herself to look away from the Peridots tinkering away at the Kindergarten’s mainframe. Or back in the palace, when she’d watch the Tourmalines perform their experiments through one-way mirrors, counting the seconds before she had to get back to her post. 

She had no reason to trust Bismuth. But for some reason, she already did. 

“In another world,” Pearl began, “I’d like to be a...scientist of some sort. As if I were a mixture of a Bismuth, a Peridot, and a Tourmaline, I suppose. Research. And invention. I’d enjoy that. I want to invent machinery and- and study the way different technologies work until I’m so tired that I just _collapse_ from exhaustion.”

At some point during her little speech, Pearl had risen to her feet, her arms outstretched in a grand gesture. At her full height, she was only slightly taller than Bismuth, who was still sitting down. She hastily drew her arms to her sides, fidgeting with the strands of hair curled to her face that she knew were immaculate. 

Bismuth hummed thoughtfully.

Pearl laughed, more a nervous twitch than anything else. “I’ve never actually told anyone that before.”

Bismuth still stayed silent, staring at a point in the distance.

Just when Pearl was ready to invent an excuse to rush back to wherever Rose was, Bismuth spoke. 

“You wanna see my forge?”

“Really?” Pearl asked, her voice embarrassingly high.

Bismuth grinned. “Yeah. What else am I doing?”

  
  


◊◊◊◊

  
  


By the time they warped to the forge, Pearl’s mind was bursting with questions. 

“Why are you here?” she asked, as they started to walk. “Bismuths are in high demand back on Homeworld. You couldn’t have been in any danger.”

Bismuth’s expression darkened. “I guess the main thing is what Rose told me- that I could build whatever I wanted, if I set my mind to it. Homeworld only lets me make buildings for stuck-up, privileged gems to lounge around in. I wanted my work to _mean_ something. I wanted to build things for a cause I could genuinely get behind.”

“And the rest of it?” Pearl prompted.

“I was really, really bored,” murmured Bismuth. “I was looking for some purpose for my life. And I always wanted to fight.”

“Me too,” Pearl said, before she could stop herself. 

Bismuth looked incredulous. “Really? So it wasn’t about escaping that _yes, my Agate, no, my Agate, of course I’ll hold all your ridiculous items and keep my head down_ Pearl life?”

Pearl couldn’t help but smile. Bismuth had no idea how bad it could get. “Partly, I suppose. But I always loved sword fighting. My D-” Pearl blanched, and stopped herself just in time. “The gem that I belonged to, that is- she would allow me to use her swords. She trained me. I’ll never be able to repay that debt.”

Bismuth’s eyes bugged out of her head. “You’re telling me that one of the higher-ups _trained_ you to fight with a sword? Didn’t she know it would come back to haunt her when you eventually got brave enough to stage your escape?”

Pearl laughed nervously. So the other gems thought she’d fought her way off Homeworld, met Rose on Earth, and joined up with the Rebellion from there. A plausible enough story, she supposed. 

Pearl thought of the other Diamonds, completely oblivious to everything Pink was doing here on Earth. “I find that the more power a gem has, the less intelligent they are.”

Bismuth cackled loud enough that the stones on cliffs all around them shook and fell. 

  
  


◊◊◊◊

  
  


As soon as they got inside the forge, Pearl’s mouth fell open in wonder.

This was everything she had ever wanted. A place far away from any other gems who might try to tell her what to do. A place to tinker and play with wires and machines to her heart’s content. 

A place to be with a friend, without anyone else to come between them. 

A loud splash forced Pearl out of her thoughts. She whirled around, but Bismuth was nowhere in sight. 

“Bismuth?!” Pearl cried out in alarm. “Are you all right?”

Bismuth’s head popped up from a pool of red-hot lava on the floor. “You want in? The lava’s great!”

Pearl tried to scowl, but what her face ended up doing was much more of a relieved grin than what she was going for. “I’d rather not.”

“Well, chuck the swords in at least!” Bismuth exclaimed with a wide gesture that sent lava spraying across the room. “They’re only a copper alloy. Shouldn’t take long at all.”

Pearl clutched the swords reflexively closer to her chest. “You mean _melt_ them?”

Bismuth sent her a look. “Duh!” 

Pearl hesitated. “But Kinradite asked me to-”

“Screw the Jasper!” Bismuth exclaimed with a sweeping gesture of her hands. “I thought you were the living legend, the terrifying, renegade Pearl! Why don’t you live up to the name?”

Everything in her was screaming at her to stop. To listen to what Kinradite had said.

But in all fairness, all Kinradite had asked her to do was to bring the weapons to the forge. She had accomplished that. Kinradite had never said what to do with them once she got there.

Pearl let herself grin for real, this time. Without another thought, she threw the swords into the molten rock and watched them sink below the surface in less than a second. The only sounds she could hear were Bismuth’s whoops for joy and the faint buzzing in her ears.

Throughout this whole “rebellion,” Pearl had still only done what Rose wanted her to do. The real rebellion wasn’t on a battlefield, or in grand gestures that sent hundreds of gems off to gossip about her prowess and defiance. The real rebellion was here, in an overheated hole in the ground, with a gem who had chosen to be kind simply because she wanted to be.

Pearl would never betray Rose. But for the first time in her long life, she finally felt free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally did not go into this expecting it to be shippy, but of course that's what happened. I can't stop myself.


	16. The Beginning of the End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I have wonderful news,” came a sweet, syrupy voice. If Lapis had a body, she would’ve relaxed. She knew Pink Diamond’s voice. She had heard it enough times at all those balls she forced every gem on Homeworld to attend.
> 
> If she was with Pink Diamond, everything would be alright. That meant she wasn't with the rebels. She was safe. 
> 
> “My forces,” continued Pink, “have captured a Crystal Gem! A Lapis Lazuli, at that!”

There was a river. 

It glistened and sparkled in the dimming sunlight, the gentle waves lapping up against the shore and covering her toes in cool water.

Lapis wouldn’t be here for long. She was sent here to help the soldiers fight in their war. But she could find peace here, if she tried. 

A small creature jumped out of the river, its body wriggling and twisting in the air before falling back in with a splash. A small chuckle escaped Lapis’s mouth. Earth wasn’t half bad. 

Lapis raised her face toward the sky and gazed at the glowing, burnt-orange clouds. 

She didn’t know it then, but it was the last time she’d be happy for millennia. 

◊◊◊◊

There was an explosion.

It came from her left. Or was it her right?

Lapis was running. She was dodging shots being fired on all sides, bombs falling from the heavens.

She was here to try and use Earth’s water as a weapon. But there were just so  _ many _ enemies. She had never even seen a battlefield before today.

How could they have thought this was a good idea?

Lapis let her wings unfurl. She sprang toward the sky, her arms outstretched to freedom, but someone grabbed her and dragged her down.

“This’ll show those upper-crusts,” her attacker growled. 

She opened her mouth- to plead, to scream, to cry, she didn’t know- but it was too late.

◊◊◊◊

There was a Pearl.

“Now  _ where  _ is that mirror?” she said as she searched through a desk. 

Lapis had reformed in a place she had never seen before. The walls were ten times her height, easily. Everything had a garish, pink glow.

The Pearl was standing on a platform a few dozen feet away from the patch of floor Lapis was currently laying on. Lapis quickly scanned her form for some sign of where they were, but only grew more confused. The Pearl’s hair matched the pink walls, alright, but she had blue sleeves. There was yellow there, too, and some white. 

Lapis instinctively shuffled away. There was something wrong with this Pearl. 

Lapis must have made a sound, because the Pearl turned toward her. Her eyes widened to the size of fists.

“How did you get in here?” she gasped. “Who are you?”

“I didn’t-” Lapis’s voice was rough from disuse. “I only-”

The Pearl summoned a sword from her gem (where could she have possibly gotten a sword from?) and ran over to Lapis at a frightening speed. Lapis glanced around frantically for something to fight with, but there was nothing. There was never any water on Homeworld.

Numb as she felt, she could still feel the pain of the sword in her abdomen before her vision winked out. 

◊◊◊◊

  
  
  


There was a voice.

Lapis wasn’t in a bubble. She knew that much. 

In a bubble, she would’ve been at peace. But here, she could hear everything. 

“I have wonderful news,” came a sweet, syrupy voice. If Lapis had a body, she would’ve relaxed. She knew Pink Diamond’s voice. She had heard it enough times at all those balls she forced every gem on Homeworld to attend.

If she was with Pink Diamond, everything would be alright. That meant she wasn't with the rebels. She was safe. 

“My forces,” continued Pink, “have captured a Crystal Gem! A Lapis Lazuli, at that!”

_ No.  _

A roaring cheer came. Gems were asking questions, hands were grabbing her- oh stars, she just wanted to be left  _ alone. _

◊◊◊◊

__  
  


There was quiet.

Time had passed. Minutes, hours, days- she didn’t know.

But most of the gems had left. The room she was in was completely, blessedly silent.

A delicate cough let Lapis know that she wasn’t alone. 

“Did you think that just because you were a Lapis Lazuli you wouldn’t be punished for betraying me?” Pink asked quietly.

Lapis tried to cry out, but she had no voice. 

She tried to reform, but something was stopping her.

She tried to force her eyes open. 

There was something there. 

Lapis felt boneless with relief. She could see. 

Pink Diamond’s face gazed down at her. But the traces of amusement and kindness Lapis had seen in her eyes at the balls were gone. She was a stone-cold force of power. 

Her lip curled in cruel amusement. “I didn’t have a choice, little droplet. This was the only way.”

_ You’ve got it wrong! I’m not one of them! I’d  _ never  _ be one of them! _

A sound came out of her, but it wasn’t her voice.

_ “This was the only way,”  _ she said, in a tinny imitation of Pink’s voice. 

No. 

Not an imitation.

A reflection.

Pink dropped Lapis to her side, and all she could see was Pink’s shoes. She started to walk, swinging Lapis as she went. 

“Don’t worry, little droplet,” Pink crooned. “I’ll drop you off to one of Yellow’s Tourmalines. I’m very good at making gems think something I came up with was their idea all along.” 

Lapis tried to close her eyes, to push her hands over her ears, but she couldn’t. She had to watch. She had to listen. 

This was the only way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK LISTEN
> 
> Rebecca Sugar confirmed that the gem that originally poofed Lapis was in fact the Crystal Gem Bismuth. 
> 
> Why would Lapis be poofed by a Crystal Gem and then get captured by Homeworld? And why would Homeworld just assume Lapis was a Crystal Gem when she wasn't? How could that possibly happen? Bismuth certainly wouldn't have let Lapis out of her sight.
> 
> ...except if she gave Lapis's gem to a trusted advisor. A friend. A Rose Quartz who had changed Bismuth's life for the better.
> 
> :D
> 
> (I promise the next chapter will have fluff. Or, at least, be longer.)


	17. I Can See the Wires Pulling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You’re everything to me. I’d be nothing without you.
> 
> I love you.
> 
> What she finally settled on was, “I’m never going to go back.”

Pearl had two lives. 

One day, she was fighting alongside gems she was proud to call her allies and friends. Wandering the Earth with Rose, gathering flowers and tending to her garden, admiring the natural beauty of the planet. Laughing with Bismuth, watching sunsets with Garnet, and training new recruits to use a sword. 

The next, she was standing utterly still. Keeping her face expressionless. Watching Pink pretend not to have a heart, ruthlessly punishing gems that stepped out of line to keep the Diamonds from breaking down her door. Being completely alone, at Pink’s beck and call for the most menial of tasks.

Pink couldn’t just abandon her colony, after all. Every few months, they’d warp back to the moon base to contact Homeworld’s army and provide the other Diamonds with updates.

It was hell, if Pearl let herself be honest. But it was necessary.

The two of them returned from their latest "expedition" late at night, about two weeks after they had left.

This had been the hardest one yet.

_“What in the world was that?” Pearl asked, her hands shaking as they lowered her swords._

_Pink saw the gem on the floor. Pearl could see a million thoughts run through her mind, her eyes widening with panic._

_She snatched up the blue teardrop of a gem and pocketed it. “I can explain.”_

Pearl found Garnet lying in the middle of the grassy field near their camp, her head cradled underneath her arms. She’d gotten rid of her visor for the moment, and her three eyes glowed in the moonlight. 

Why was she just staring at the sky?

_“They’re desperate for information about the rebel forces. But mostly, they just want someone to punish. They’re hungry for a Crystal Gem.” Pink’s eyes glinted dangerously. “So I’m going to give them one.”_

_Pearl frowned. “What do you mean, my Diamond?”_

_Pink hesitated. She glanced away, her jaw working._

_“Blue deserves it,” Pink said, her voice tight and words clipped._

_It took her a moment to understand._

_Pink was going to pass the Lapis Lazuli off as a Crystal Gem. Pearl knew she could do it. She would manage to trick her entire army into believing that a loyal soldier was one of the rebels they were trying so hard to kill._

_“She always gets what she wants,” Pink continued. “She always takes things away from me. So I’m going to take something away from her.”_

_The last few words were shouted so loudly that they echoed off the walls of the room._

_Pearl took an involuntary step backwards._

Pearl sat down on a patch of grass a few feet away from Garnet and drew her knees up to her chest. “What are you doing?”

“Stargazing,” Garnet said, completely unperturbed by Pearl’s sudden entrance. 

“That’s a word?” It certainly hadn’t been a word on Homeworld. No one would look up at the stars for any reason other than to solve a mathematical equation.

“It will be.”

“Why are you... _stargazing,_ then?”

“It’s beautiful.” 

She looked up into the night sky. There were thousands and thousands of stars lighting up the world at this time of night, but it wasn’t anything Pearl hadn’t seen before. 

It was certainly beautiful, in its own way. But there had to be another reason. 

_Pink noted the movement, and something like regret dawned in her eyes._

_Her mouth opened and closed again in the span of a second. She reached out, but let her hand drop with a sigh._

_Pink let her eyes drop to the floor. “Never mind all that. Homeworld has one less soldier in their ranks because of what I did. Once I put her in my looking glass, all she’ll be able to do is show images of what she’s seen. She can’t speak, or reform- she can’t even move. She’s not alive. Her gem was in such bad shape when Bismuth gave it to me, Pearl. This was the only way to save her without hurting the Crystal Gems.”_

_The Lapis’s gem hadn’t_ seemed _damaged. She’d seemed completely fine._

_Pearl gazed at Pink’s face. There was no lie there. Pearl must’ve been mistaken._

_That strange tightening knot in her chest loosened to almost nothing. That was odd. If Pearl didn’t know better, she’d say that just now, she had felt afraid._

_So that was where that mirror had gone. Pink had taken something the other Diamonds had given her to feed her vanity and used it to save an entire planet from obliteration._

_“I know what I’m doing.” Pink knelt down so her eyes were level with Pearl’s and leaned in, close enough for Pearl to smell the sweet, flowery scent she always carried with her. “Do you trust me?”_

_For the first time since they traveled back to Homeworld, Pearl let herself grin. “Do you even have to ask me that question?”_

“Is that it?” Pearl asked Garnet, wincing at the harshness of her words. “I mean, really, though. Why?”

Garnet didn’t seem bothered. She was silent for a long moment. Pearl only knew she was thinking about her answer from the twist of her lips. 

“The stars that ‘round the Queen of Night,” she began, “like maids attend her, hide as in veils of mist. Their light when she, in full-orbed glory bright, o’er all the earth shines from her height: a silver splendor.”

Garnet wasn’t usually one for flowery language. She must’ve been feeling especially romantic tonight. 

“And that means...what, exactly?”

“It means,” Garnet said, “that the night sky is very pretty.”

Pearl couldn’t stop the snorting laugh that escaped her. 

“All right, tell me, then. Where did you hear those lines?”

“I didn’t.”

Pearl frowned.

“I will,” Garnet continued, responding to Pearl’s unasked question. “A long time from now.”

If they survived this.

Garnet didn’t need to add that on. Pearl knew what she meant.

“It might not happen,” Garnet added. “But in about three thousand years, there could be a particularly open-minded human who writes it.” 

“You can see that far ahead?” Pearl asked.

Garnet nodded minutely. “Sometimes. Mostly in sleep.”

“You _sleep?”_ Pearl exclaimed.

Garnet’s lips twitched. “I’ve been trying it out.”

Pearl laid down on her back and let herself stargaze. In the restless quiet of Earth, lying with a friend beside her and a sky full of possibilities up above, Pearl knew that she would be at peace. Someday.

  


◊◊◊◊

“What of the Ruby troops?” Rose asked, looking up from her map of the local terrain. “And the Carnelians we sent with them?”

Pearl could still smell the acrid rubble of the battlefield. 

Rose had stayed behind this time, at Pearl’s insistence. It was supposed to be a simple mission. A few low-ranking soldiers shouldn’t have had any trouble taking over one Agate dropship. But because this was Earth, their carefully thought out plan fell apart in under thirty minutes.

“Pearl?” Rose prompted.

Pearl swallowed. It didn’t make her mouth any less dry. “Shattered.”

Rose knit her eyebrows in concern. “How many?”

Pearl only looked at her.

She leaned forward, like she couldn’t help herself. Her eyes were huge. “All of them?”

Pearl nodded stiffly. “Yellow Diamond has deployed a ruthless Hessionite commander leading _hundreds_ of Aventurine soldiers. They take no prisoners, and leave no survivors. Blue Diamond has sent her own Agates in support, all of them armed with weapons far beyond our own inventories. And y- I- I mean, Pink Diamond’s Jaspers and Amethysts are...certainly not helping our efforts.”

Rose’s hand flew up to her mouth. 

“Oh my stars,” she breathed from behind her fingers.

That was the end of it. Pearl had done her job. 

She should leave Rose’s tent, now, and go work out her anger where there was no one to hear her scream. 

But she’d been holding this in for months. Sooner or later, it was going to explode out of her. 

She glanced at the entrance to the tent. Nothing. 

“Maybe you could…” Pearl cleared her throat. “Tell your other troops the wrong advice. Tell them to mess up. Tell them our weakest points are our strongest. We might stand a chance that way.”

Rose sighed. Pearl’s shoulders drooped.

“Don’t you think I’ve considered that?” Rose asked sadly. “If I do what you’re asking, Blue and Yellow will know for sure. They already suspect that Pink supports the Rebellion, but if we confirm it, we’ll lose everything.”

“...Yes. Of course.” Pearl tried to sound as agreeable as she could, but even her iron will couldn’t curb the frustration coloring her voice.

Rose set the map she was holding down onto the table with a _thunk_ and sat heavily onto her chair. Her dress billowed around her, and her curls swayed gently with the motion.“I should’ve been out there with them.”

Pearl shook her head. “You are much too important to- to the rebellion, Rose. We can’t afford to lose you.”

Rose glanced up at Pearl, her face twisted in outrage. “Pearl. I could’ve saved them! I could’ve helped us to win-”

“Rose,” Pearl interrupted, shocking herself with her boldness. “You couldn’t have done a thing. The beryl troops were just too strong.”

Rose slumped, angrily wiping at her eyes.

“We lost this time,” Pearl continued, “But there will be many other battles. We will get past this one.” 

“I could’ve saved some of our gems,” Rose insisted, like she was trying to convince herself. “If I had been there, I could have saved at least some.”

“Rose.”

Rose kept staring at her hands.

“You’ve been training with all of us for decades now,” Pearl continued. “You’ve taught us nearly everything you know. And we didn’t stand a chance. I barely got out of there alive. Dozens of our Onyxes were caught by a grenade. Labradorite wasn’t even given the respect of being shattered by a weapon- a Topaz _stepped_ on her. Bismuth and Garnet nearly got themselves killed as well, but they managed to retreat with only minor cracks and scratches. How, I don’t know.”

Rose dug her fingers into her eyes, her chest heaving and her mouth twisted into a grimace. After a beat, she forced herself to rise and headed towards the entrance. “At least it won’t be difficult for me to get the tears flowing. I’ll see to them at once.”

Pearl should’ve let her go. She should’ve stayed out of it. 

She couldn’t.

Her instincts screaming at her to stop, she grabbed Rose’s arm and pulled her back. “Wait.”

Rose didn’t even turn. “They need me, Pearl.”

Pearl felt a bolt of real pain in her heart. _Rose doesn’t deserve to feel this way._

In that moment, all she could think about was making Rose happy. She deserved to be happy. Pearl would take the burden of her pain away from her. She would do anything and everything she could, just so that Rose would never have this terrible expression of pain and sadness on her face again. 

“ _Sweetheart.”_

Rose’s head snapped up.

That was not what Pearl meant to say. Not at all. 

Pearl snatched her hand back at once. She started to involuntarily back away, her palms raised. “I- I just- I meant-”

But then Rose smiled, and all of Pearl’s doubts disappeared. 

“I like that phrase,” Rose said, a hint of a smile gracing her lips. She lifted one of her hands to Pearl’s face, and Pearl clutched at it like a lifeline. “It’s very loving.”

Pearl felt her face grow warm. She turned her cheek into Rose’s hand, unable to resist the barest hint of affection. “I just...I want you to be alright.”

Rose really smiled at that, full and bright and _happy._ “I’m always alright when I’m with you.”

Pearl nearly melted into a puddle. Rose was very close to her now. It wouldn’t take much effort at all just to push herself up on her toes, lean in close, and feel those full, soft lips under her own. They’d been close to this before, right on the edge of it, but neither of them had ever taken that final step. 

Pearl was going to do it this time. She was going to lean in, close her eyes, and-

Rose dropped her gaze and moved away. Her hand dropped from Pearl’s face, tangling loosely with her fingers. 

The tension might as well have been shattered with a hammer. The moment was over.

Rose stared at their hands for a moment, her lips twisted into a frown. She began to slowly brush her thumb over the back of Pearl’s hand. Pearl watched, hypnotized at the slow, almost melodic movement.

And with a voice softer than dove’s feathers, Rose spoke. “I’ve been thinking the exact same thing as you, Pearl, about my other troops. It breaks my heart to think of all those gems suffering out there. But I barely even _have_ any control over the armies. Remember? Yellow took that away when she suspected me of being a rebel sympathizer.” 

Rose slowly lifted her eyes to meet Pearl’s, and Pearl felt her breath catch in her throat. “Pearl? You do think this is the right thing to do? We haven’t made a huge, stupid mistake in fighting for our freedom. Right?”

Pearl’s heart swelled. How could she have doubted her, even for a second? Rose was just as scared as the rest of them. She really was doing all she could.

“Of course we haven’t, Rose,” Pearl breathed. “I- I’m so sorry. Of course we’re doing the right thing.”

A smile burst its way onto Rose’s face. “Thank you, Pearl. That means a lot, especially coming from you.”

Pearl resisted the urge to fidget. Her lips twisted into an uncontrollable grin.

“However,” Rose continued, her tone darkening, “my offer still stands. You don’t have to stay with me through this. I will completely understand if you’d rather go back home.”

Pearl jolted. “No!”

Rose blinked in surprise.

“No,” Pearl said again, in a much softer voice. 

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to say that just because you know it’s what I want.”

“I…” 

“Yes?” 

_You’re everything to me. I’d be nothing without you._

_I love you._

What she finally settled on was, “I’m never going to go back.”

Rose gripped her hand a little tighter. Pearl couldn’t help but wonder if she had read all her unsaid words in her eyes.

“You have no idea how much I rely on you, Pearl. I’d be lost without you.”

Pearl straightened slightly and puffed her chest out with pride.

Rose granted her a small smile. “I’m going to see to all the gems that suffered injuries. Tell me if you hear of any others, won’t you?”

Pearl nodded. “Yes. Of course.”

Pearl would realize later that throughout their entire conversation, Rose’s eyes had been completely dry of tears.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think? Are there any specific topics you'd like me to write about next?
> 
> Also: can anyone guess who Garnet was quoting?


	18. Closed Fist Would Be Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're not fighting me."
> 
> Pearl frowned in annoyance. "What do you think I'm doing right now?"
> 
> "Stalling," Garnet said, her voice taking on that inflectionless tone of hers that left no room for argument. "You're dodging my attacks, but all your moves have been defensive. You think that if you fight back, I'll...be angry.”
> 
> Pearl stiffened. "I see that future vision has more uses than one might think."
> 
> Garnet shook her head. "Not future vision. I just know you.”
> 
> Pearl looked away.
> 
> “What are you afraid of?” Garnet asked softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Pearl/Garnet relationship is up to interpretation, but I’m DEFINITELY not against it being romantic here.

“Where’s Rose?” Garnet asked.

Pearl wiped the sweat off her brow with the back of her hand. She adjusted her grip on her sword. “Away.”

A beat of heavy silence. Pearl hacked at the tree in front of her even harder. 

“Without you?”

A branch fell to the ground.“Yes.”

“You didn’t follow her?”

She froze, mid-swing.

Of course Pearl followed her. That was all she knew how to do.

◊◊◊◊

_The humans called this place Babylon._

_They were forced to relocate again, after Homeworld discovered the location of their last camp. Rose had gone off on one of her trips- there was nothing unusual about her leaving the camp for months or weeks at a time in between battles. The unusual part was that she had asked Pearl to stay behind._

_Well, what she had actually said was, “Don’t you think you should stay behind this time?”_

_Pearl did not think that. So, she went along anyway._

_Pearl knew how to be stealthy._

_It had taken her longer than it should have to find Rose among the human king’s hanging gardens. Pearl had stood in the middle of the place for what felt like hours, mouth agape in shock, at the skillful engineering that allowed the place to function. Perhaps humans weren’t just tools for amusement, which was hardly a step up from being vermin to be exterminated. This place proved that humans would do anything to survive, under any circumstances. And they would find a way to make it beautiful. Pearl could respect that._

_Pearl tore her eyes away from the sight and continued on, not stopping until she spied Rose in a dark corner, behind some low-hanging vines._

_Rose had her mouth pressed up against a human man’s, her body pinning him up against the wall._

_Their mouths made slick sounds as they moved. Their hands were running over each other’s bodies, the human’s meaty paws getting completely engulfed in Rose’s voluminous hair. Rose was the complete opposite, touching the man with an air of reverence and skillfulness that only she could achieve._

_Pearl watched with a strange mixture of disgust, discomfort, and-_

_And longing._

_Rose pulled away just far enough to look into the man’s eyes. Just far enough for Pearl to see the cherry red color of her lips._

_“It’s so much fun spending time with you,” Rose said._

_She forced herself to turn away._

_This was fine._

Pearl _was fine._

_A tree branch swatted her in the face. She shoved it aside and broke into a run._

_Rose had had meaningless relationships before. She was bound to get bored during the lull between battles. She had every right to go out and kiss whoever she wanted._

_And after all, this was a human. He’d be dead soon. Pearl had nothing to worry about._

_So why were her hands still shaking?_

◊◊◊◊

Pearl went in for the kill. She bent her knees and vaulted over the shrub, twisting her body in the air, swinging her sword in a deadly arc as she landed on the other side. The branches fell to the ground with a terribly anti-climatic _thud._

She rose to her feet, panting. “I’m here now, aren’t I?”

Garnet’s expression didn’t change, but she obviously knew something was wrong. Pearl cursed future vision under her breath. 

“Why don’t you take a break from butchering the plants?” Garnet asked. 

“I need to train,” Pearl frowned.

Garnet shrugged. “Train with me.”

“Really.”

Garnet shrugged again. “Why not?”

◊◊◊◊

With the warp, it only took them a few minutes to reach the Sky Arena. 

They wove through the groups of other gems hacking away at each other throughout the arena. 

There was an empty space next to Biggs, who had Bismuth pinned beneath her. Bismuth’s hands had turned into hammers twice the size of her head, pushing against Biggs’s staff that was aimed at her throat. 

"Woah, Garnet and Pearl?” Bismuth called, her expression happy and carefree even with Biggs’s staff about to cut clean through her form. “Go easy on her!"

"Don't worry about it," responded Garnet.

Bismuth snorted. “Yeah, okay. I was talking to Pearl!”

Pearl allowed herself a small smile as she ducked her head in embarrassment.

They stood, facing each other. The clamor of all the other gems fighting and laughing faded away. It was just the two of them, standing together in this space. 

Pearl shifted her already perfect stance and coiled strength into her arms. 

Garnet’s lips twitched. She raised her right fist in a slow, obviously soft punch. Pearl dodged easily. 

Pearl furrowed her brow.

“What are you doing,” Pearl said. It wasn’t a question.

Garnet took a step back. “Do you actually want to fight?”

Pearl scowled. Even now, Garnet was treating her like a Pearl. Like a human child. “Obviously.”

Garnet raised her hands above her head and summoned her gauntlets with a metallic _thunk._ “Alright then.”

Garnet took a step forward, thrusting her fists at Pearl’s torso. Pearl thrust her sword in front of them, blocking the impact. 

They circled each other, Garnet coming at her from every angle. 

She was so different from Pearl. Where Pearl would dodge, she stood firm. Pearl liked to fight like she was dancing: a ribbon flying and twisting through the air, moving too quickly for anyone to land a hit. Garnet fought like a mountain: solid, unmoveable, strong. 

After a few minutes of Pearl just shifting out of the way whenever Garnet launched a hit, Garnet lowered her fists with a sigh. 

"You're not fighting me."

Pearl frowned in annoyance. "What do you think I'm doing right now?"

"Stalling," Garnet said, her voice taking on that inflectionless tone of hers that left no room for argument. "You're dodging my attacks, but all your moves have been defensive. You think that if you fight back, I'll...be angry.”

Pearl stiffened. "I see that future vision has more uses than one might think."

Garnet shook her head. "Not future vision. I just know you.”

Pearl looked away.

“What are you afraid of?” Garnet asked softly.

Pearl set her mouth in a defensive line. “Nothing.”

Pearl feinted toward Garnet's left side, swerving at the last second toward her face. 

Garnet caught the blade in between her hands. The vibrations from the impact knocked all the gems standing around them off their feet. The trees shook so hard that swarms of birds flew out of them in fear. 

Pearl gritted her teeth, digging her heels into the ground and pressing forward.

Garnet couldn’t beat her. Not now.

It was fine, before- she wasn’t trying when they first started. But if Garnet beat her when she was actually fighting at her best…

Then what everyone said was true. She really _didn’t_ belong here.

A powerful bolt of electricity shot straight down the blade. Pearl released her grip with a gasp, the lightning sending pins and needles of pain through the palm of her hand. 

The blade began to vibrate uncontrollably, the dull grey changing into a red-hot orangey flame. It dropped to the ground, sizzling on the stones. The wooden handle caught fire.

Garnet moved back into a fighting stance, her fists braced in front of her.

"Come on," she said quietly. "What else have you got?"

Pearl cocked her head, studying Garnet's face intently. Strangely, she was reminded of Blue Diamond's Pearl: both of them hid their eyes from view, preventing Pearl from getting even the tiniest glimpse into what they were thinking. 

(The comparison stopped there, of course. Blue Pearl had never had a substantial thought in her head throughout all her millennia of life.) 

Pearl raised her hand up to her gem. Garnet _knew_ she had at least a dozen backup swords stored on her at all times. Why would she go to the trouble of breaking the one she was holding, if she could just bring another one out?

The light of the setting sun glinted off Garnet's visor. 

This was a test. It had to be. 

Pearl closed her eyes and concentrated. Her swords rose to the surface first, ready for her to wield. 

_No_ , she thought. _I can’t use one of Rose’s swords for this._

She opened her eyes, and suddenly, she knew. 

Her hand closed around the hilt of a blade, but it wasn't the one she knew. It was sleek, rounded and _perfect_.

Pearl pulled it out of her gem in one controlled movement. She couldn't stop the grin that split across her face at the sight of it.

It wasn't a sword at all. It was a spear, curved and twisted at the head, bright white but with a luminescent shine that hummed with power. 

Pearl spun it around a few times, relishing the balance of it in her hands, before driving it forward. 

Garnet dodged the hit, but only barely. The spear struck the air mere millimeters away from where her torso had been moments before. 

Pearl spun, dodging Garnet’s hit. When she faced her again, Garnet had her fists raised to protect her face. Pearl went downwards instead. She bent her spine in a dancer’s step, her knees bent, one arm elongated toward the sky and the other swiping the spear at the ground below Garnet’s feet. 

In what seemed like slow motion, Garnet fell.

Pearl thrust her spear at Garnet’s neck, the tip of it pressing against the base of her throat. 

She waited. 

Garnet said nothing. 

Pearl retracted her spear, all the confidence of the last few seconds draining out of her. 

“Sorry,” she said, compulsively. 

“You were wonderful,” Garnet said, awed, still sprawled on the ground.

Pearl grinned in surprise. “You think so?”

Garnet rose to her feet, dusting her hands off on her thighs. 

“Hmm,” Garnet said. She seemed to be considering something. “Let me think. Do I?”

Pearl waited, her eyes searching Garnet’s face for a clue.

Garnet smiled, a full, toothy grin. Pearl burst into nervous laughter. 

“Do you want to?” Garnet asked, leaning in, her voice strangely breathless.

Pearl tilted her head. Did she want to…what?

She nodded anyway.

The air seemed rife with tension in that moment, but Pearl didn’t feel uneasy. If anything, she felt kind of...lightheaded? And happy?

Garnet raised her gauntlets again. She started aiming hit after hit at Pearl’s torso, her arms, her face, but Pearl dodged or blocked her every time. The attacks got faster and faster until Pearl was darting in every direction, her feet barely touching the ground, just to keep up.

There was an intangible balance between them as they traded parries and thrusts, a kind of equality that Pearl had never felt, even in the heat of battle. 

She felt so close to Garnet, like their thoughts were as one, even though they weren’t speaking. 

The world blurred into a dizzying mess of color. The only thing Pearl was sure of was Garnet’s face, the sunlight glinting off her visor, her mouth still twisted into a smile. 

◊◊◊◊

  


Sardonyx opened her eyes. She towered over all the gems that were staring at her in awe. 

“I am wonderful, aren’t I?” she said quietly, glancing down at herself. 

“Uh, yeah!” Bismuth yelled, running toward her. “You’re huge!”

Bismuth pushed past the crowd of gems that had huddled around Sardonyx, touching any part of her they could reach. Sardonyx giggled and reached down to meet her. Bismuth jumped up into her palms, and Sardonyx lifted her friend up to her face.

“How’d you even _do_ this?” Bismuth exclaimed. “Have you been holding out on me?”

“Oh, certainly not! I’m as new to this as you are, darling.” Her torso spun all the way around as she spoke. 

She blinked down at herself in surprise. “Well that’s new.”

“What’s your name?” one of the gems down below called up.

“I’m not sure how I know this, darling, but I _do_ know that I am the lovely, delightful, enchanting Sardonyx. It’s so nice to meet you, face to face,” Sardonyx guffawed. “I’ve never met you with this face, get it? That’s why it’s funny!”

“You have to try and summon your weapon!” Bismuth shouted. “Oh, man, I bet it’s going to be amazing.”

Sardonyx tried to take a breath, and found she couldn’t.

She tried again. The air simply wouldn’t go past her mouth.

She shrugged it off. It wasn’t like she needed to breathe.

She turned back to Bismuth, and froze in her tracks.

Bismuth’s eyes were wide and shining, and not from joy. She reached out with shaking hands.

“Sardonyx, your…”

Sardonyx tilted her head. She opened her mouth to ask what exactly was going on, but found she couldn’t speak, either. 

Her hands were suddenly rife with pins and needles. Bismuth fell to the ground. She cried out, but Sardonyx didn’t hear it. 

Sardonyx raised a hand to her throat. She hadn’t looked at her reflection yet, but she was almost sure there hadn’t been something sticking out of her neck before. She wrapped her hand around the object and yanked it out, the motion drawing a gasp from her chest. 

Sardonyx studied it curiously. 

It took her much longer than it should have to recognize the object. She could blame it, she supposed, on her own muddled state of mind. Because even though Pearl and Sapphire didn’t recognize the object, Ruby had seen ones just like it thousands of times.

A localised grenade. A weapon that could be shot through a gem’s physical form like an arrow, but explode shortly after impact. Used only by Blue Diamond’s elite team of Cordierite archers, mostly in situations that required taking out one gem without harming the ones around her. The arrow had a bulbous end that glowed more brightly than the rest. 

_A teleport_ , Ruby’s memories supplied. _Once the gems get poofed, they immediately get sent back to the archer’s ship._

Sardonyx realized all this in the span of a second. The arrow began to glow brighter and brighter until it was all she could see.

“Oh dear.” 

The arrow burst into an array of blue light. Sardonyx felt herself get drawn toward it, the vacuum pull so strong that she lost her physical form in seconds. Her gems never hit the ground. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW ANOTHER CLIFFHANGER I'M S O R R Y
> 
> The next chapter will be up soon- it'll have a character you haven't seen in a while, who is my absolute FAVORITE gem to write. 
> 
> (hint: she's mentioned in this chapter)
> 
> -
> 
> I had to take “I’ve seen them get through worse and come back stronger” into account at SOME point, right?
> 
> https://www.instagram.com/p/CALex03gxDa/?igshid=19mrtdyn5xl9k


	19. Wouldn’t Spare the Rod (Never For Me)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was standing up against the bars to her cell, her fingers poking through the small holes. 
> 
> Pearl drew her knees up to her chest. “What could you possibly want?”
> 
> “I can get you out of here,” she whispered. “Give you back to the Rebellion.”
> 
> Pearl shot to her feet. “What? Why didn’t you-”
> 
> She froze. She had forgotten, for a moment, exactly who she was talking to.

Sapphire was having a vision.

There was nothing unusual about that, in and of itself. It was unusual because it wasn’t a _Vision,_ exactly. It was more like a dream.

She was in a field.

Green grass was growing in all directions, as far as she could see. It rose all the way up to her elbows. She let a few strands run through her fingers, and chuckled. It was soft.

“What do you think?”

Sapphire turned toward the voice, beaming. Ruby.

“I don’t know,” Ruby mused. “It has to be perfect.”

Sapphire followed the sound to a tall oak tree a few paces away.

“Ouch!”

Sapphire rushed forward in alarm. She raced to the other side of the tree, her skirts swishing in protest. “Ruby?”

“You can bite the petals,” Ruby was saying, “ _not_ my-”

Ruby turned, eyes widening in surprise. “...finger.”

Sapphire’s mouth fell open.

Ruby was sitting on the ground, back up against the tree. She looked just as surprised, her cheeks reddening even further with embarrassment. 

She held what must’ve been four dozen purple flowers in her hands, the stems clumsily twisted together in the approximate shape of a wide ring. A large white rabbit sat at her feet, nibbling on the petals. A few smaller rabbits (the larger one’s children, Sapphire supposed) sat nestled quite comfortably in Ruby’s hair.

“I, uh…” Ruby chuckled nervously, her hands moving to fidget with the ribbon tied around her head. The flowers fell to the ground, the largest rabbit happily pouncing on top of them.“I just…”

Ruby caught sight of the rabbit making a mess of her creation. 

“Hey!” she exclaimed, shooing it away with her hands. “Get off! I said you could have a _few_ petals, not wreck the whole thing!”

Sapphire started laughing.

“What?” Ruby asked defensively, her voice going up a full octave.

“What…” Sapphire managed in between giggles, one hand on the tree trunk to support herself. “What are you _doing?”_

Ruby managed a small chuckle. She twisted her hands together, her eyes focused on the ground. “I saw the humans making crowns out of flowers for people they loved? I thought...I thought I could make one for you. The rabbits just, kinda, showed up.”

Sapphire’s hand rose to her mouth. “You...what?”

Ruby’s expression turned stormy. “I’m sorry. I know it was a stupid idea. I’ll just go and get rid of it before-“

“Don’t you dare!” Sapphire threw her arms around Ruby’s neck and drew her into a fierce hug. The baby rabbits made disgruntled noises as they hopped down to the ground, but Ruby didn’t seem to mind.

“I love it,” Sapphire whispered. “I love it so much.”

Ruby stayed quiet.

Sapphire smiled into Ruby’s shoulder. “Don’t be embarrassed. It’s adorable. Truly.”

When Ruby didn’t say anything, or move, Sapphire frowned. “Ruby?”

She drew back. 

Ruby’s face was ashen, her skin turned a pale pink. 

“Ruby?” Sapphire placed a hand on Ruby’s cheek. It was ice cold. “Honey, what’s wrong?”

Tears fell from Ruby’s eyes. Sapphire watched them stream down her face with a sort of detached hysteria.

In between one moment and the next, so fast that Sapphire couldn’t even catch a glimpse of it coming, Ruby’s form exploded into a swarm of white butterflies. Her gem burst into shards that flew everywhere, impaling themselves in the trunk of the tree, in Sapphire’s palms as she instinctively reached up to protect her face.

_You did this._

Sapphire tried to look away, but she couldn’t. The whiteness took over her vision, clouded her brain, until there was nothing left.

  
  


◊◊◊◊

  
  


Ruby was tied to a chair.

She jerked her arms experimentally, biting back a scream at the pain that rushed through her wrists.

It wasn’t the hot, burning electricity of Yellow Diamond’s troops. It was _cold._

Ruby swallowed down her fear. 

“Sapphire?” she called.

The sound echoed back at her.

_Sapphire? Sapphire? Sapphire? Sapphire?_

Ruby let out a shriek of frustration. That echoed off the walls, too. 

  
  


◊◊◊◊

  
  
  


Somehow, floating in between Pearl’s thoughts and consciousness, a sound reached her.

_“Stop!”_

Pearl opened her eyes. It was dark. There was a stone wall directly in front of her: grey, impenetrable, and indifferent. 

The sounds got louder.

Someone was speaking. Pearl tried to decipher the words. 

“No- get _away_ from me-”

Pearl scanned her surroundings. She was in a jail cell, just big enough for her to stretch her arms out on either side. A thick web of criss-crossing steel bars covered the only opening. The holes were barely big enough to see out of, much less escape through.

“Where’s Sapphire? What have you done with her?”

As Pearl regained awareness, she realized how tinny and echoing the voice was. It wasn’t right next to her, but it wasn’t far away, either.

She pressed her ear against the tiny holes and listened. 

“I’ll kill you, I’ll break _all_ of you-“

A muffled scream, and then silence.

Pearl squeezed her eyes shut.

  
  
  


◊◊◊◊

  
  
  


Time passed.

Pearl had no idea how long.

She’d spent the first few hours trying to find a way out. There was, of course, none. Bismuth craftsmanship was impeccable. 

After what could have been hours or years, she heard something else. 

“Pearl.”

Pearl scrambled to her feet instinctively at the sound of that ghostly, lilting voice. 

_“Pearl.”_

Hurried, light footsteps echoed across the hall. “Yes, my Diamond.”

The unmistakable voice of Blue Diamond’s Pearl was coming from somewhere beyond these bars. 

“Has there been any update on the identity of the captured rebels?” Blue Diamond asked.

Pearl’s eyes went wide.

She clenched her hands into fists to keep them from shaking. 

They would find out who she was. They would know that not only had they captured Rose Quartz’s terrifying, renegade Pearl, but…

But… 

Pearl raised a shaking hand to her mouth.

No one was _that_ stupid. They’d be able to put it together. Once the computers told them that Pearl was Pink Diamond’s, that would be the end of everything. 

Her heart sank even lower. 

_Rose._

Never mind Pearl’s life. This would be catastrophic for Rose. Even if they didn’t figure out that she was Pink Diamond in disguise, they’d be suspicious. They might even punish Pink for it, lock her in that despicable tower for stars know how many millennia. And then what would become of the Rebellion? What would happen to Bismuth, and all the other gems they’d saved? 

“No, my Diamond,” said Blue Diamond’s Pearl. “We cannot yet identify them. The computers must scan them once they reform.”

In a split second, Pearl changed from a blubbering mess to the warrior she had become. 

That wasn’t true.

Pearl had spent hours in secret, taking the computers apart and putting them back together again inside the palace. She knew them inside and out. But every Pearl serving a high-ranking gem had to know exactly how to work the systems. That was how she justified swiping screwdrivers and pliers from the Tourmaline labs, fiddling with any piece of metal she could get her hands on; it was all in the service of her Diamond. 

Blue Diamond’s Pearl _definitely_ knew that the computers could scan and identify a gem no matter the state of their physical forms. They could spit out every piece of information about a gem within milliseconds.

And all of them had reformed ages ago. Pearl certainly had, and she had heard Ruby’s screams when she first woke up. She had heard nothing from Sapphire, but she didn’t doubt that she was in a similar state. 

Blue Pearl was lying. 

“Very well,” Blue Diamond sighed. “I really must have Yellow tell her programmers to update these scanners sooner rather than later. Let me know when they regain their physical forms. That will be all.”

“Yes, my Diamond.”

  
  


◊◊◊◊

  
  
  


“Hello again.”

Pearl didn’t move. She had been here long enough to know that whenever anyone spoke, they weren’t speaking to her. 

“Pink.”

Pearl paused. She glanced up.

Blue Diamond’s Pearl was standing up against the bars to her cell, her fingers poking through the small holes. 

Pearl drew her knees up to her chest. “What could you possibly want?”

“I can get you out of here,” she whispered. “Give you back to the Rebellion.”

Pearl shot to her feet. “What? Why didn’t you-”

She froze. She had forgotten, for a moment, exactly who she was talking to. 

This had to be a trap. Blue Diamond must have sent her to trick Pearl into having hope. 

“What’s the catch?”

“All you have to do,” Blue continued, “is leave the Ruby to await execution.”

Pearl leaned away, the gears in her mind whirring. “What about Sapphire?”

“You can take her with you.”

“And if I say no? What will happen to Sapphire then?”

“You know what they’ll do to her,” Blue said, still in that whispersoft voice. 

Pearl knit her eyebrows, confused. She opened her mouth to ask, but then she remembered. 

Pearl’s heart sank. _Poor Sapphire._

Rubies were a dime a dozen; any of them could be shattered for the mildest infractions with little to no consequences. But Sapphires were rare. They took centuries to create properly, and there was always a chance that a few in a batch would turn out defective. 

Sapphire wouldn’t be shattered. She’d be wiped clean. 

She wouldn’t remember Pearl, or Rose, or the Rebellion. 

She wouldn’t remember _Ruby._

She might have snatches of memories here and there. She might worry at the skin on her left palm, wondering why it felt so empty. But without Ruby, without any of the Crystal Gems to truly remind her of who she was, she would be lost forever. Ruby would be dead, and Sapphire wouldn’t even be able to mourn her. 

But if Pearl took Blue’s offer… 

Tactically, it was the right decision. Homeworld would have a significant advantage with another Sapphire to tell them the future. Garnet’s future vision had been invaluable to the Rebellion in predicting when and where Homeworld’s forces were going to strike next.

But Pearl couldn’t do it. 

She couldn’t even imagine Sapphire’s face once Pearl told her what she had done. Sapphire would remember everything, alright, but Ruby would be gone. Sapphire would be worse than devastated.

Sapphire wouldn’t survive the knowledge that Ruby had died at her expense. She’d have nothing left. 

What would Pearl feel like if Rose was gone, but she had survived? 

Pearl couldn’t do that to her. She wouldn’t. 

Rose’s secret might be in danger, but this was more important. Garnet had been so kind to her- she couldn’t forsake that friendship. 

“No,” Pearl choked out. 

Blue cocked her head. “No?”

“At least Sapphire won’t know what she’s missing, this way. She’ll have a chance to be happy.”

Blue’s mouth stretched into a thin, hard line. “Fine. Stay here and rot. See if I care.”

With a swish of her skirt, Blue crept back down the hall. She raised her hands above her head as she left, flicking both her wrists outward. The lights turned off. 

Only then did Pearl let herself cry. 


	20. We’ve a Lot of Starving Faithful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How do I know this isn’t a trap?” Pearl finally managed. “What possible reason could I have to trust you?”
> 
> “I was touched by your devotion to your friends,” Blue said quietly. “Take my offer now, or I’ll leave you to the scientists to be dissected.”
> 
> Pearl was skeptical, to say the least.
> 
> “What’s the real reason?”
> 
> Blue whirled around. She pushed her hair out of her face with her hand, and Pearl took an involuntary step backward.
> 
> Pearl had never seen Blue’s eyes before.

Blue was back within the hour.

Pearl didn’t bother getting up from where she was huddled in a corner of the cell.

“Are you so unhappy living in service that you’d rather suffer a fate worse than death?” Blue pressed, her voice turning sharp.

Pearl sighed.

She looked up at Blue, whose hands were gripping the cell bars so tightly it looked as if her fingers would be sliced clean off.

“Not at all,” Pearl answered truthfully. “I like being alive, very much. But I’d rather die than abandon my friends. When they come to shatter me for treason, I won’t fight.”

Instead of turning away, Blue Pearl laughed, a harsh, cruel sound. Pearl started in surprise.

“You think that they want to shatter you?”

“Well, they’re not exactly going to let me go.”

“Do you have any idea what you are?” Blue snapped. “You’re the first of your kind. There has never been a Pearl like you before.”

Pearl knit her eyebrows. “Surely other Pearls have grown a spine and fought against Homeworld.”

Blue regarded her for a moment. She chuckled, the sound more an exhale than a laugh. “You really don’t know, do you?”

“What?”

Blue leaned closer, her lips turning up slightly in a cynical smile. “They’ll take you somewhere dark and cold and lock you up for millenia, only allowing you to see the light of day for experiments. The only thing that kept the Tourmalines from carving you open in a laboratory as soon as you emerged was the fact that Blue Diamond held them back. If she lifts her protection on you, if she has them make Pink Diamond another new Pearl, you’re done for.”

Pearl forced herself to push aside her fear, her confusion. _Think logically._

“Playing along with this for a moment, you said if she lifts her protection on me,” Pearl pointed out. “Why hasn’t she done it yet?”

Blue paused. “No one knows who you are.”

“Except you.”

Blue inclined her head. “You changed your form, and they’re too thickheaded to try and recognize your face.”

Pearl blanched. Did Blue really just criticize her superiors?

“They know you’re a rebel,” Blue continued, “but they have no idea who you truly belong to.”

Pearl clenched her jaw. “I belong to no one.”

“We both know that’s not true.” Blue curled her lip. “But if you don’t take this chance to escape while you still can, you really will belong to no one at all.”

Pearl forced herself not to react.

She was making the right decision.

“I’ve already given you my answer.”

Blue hesitated a moment, jaw working.

She turned away, her skirts undulating in the air as she walked.

Pearl pressed her palms against her eyes until she saw stars. She was happy with her life. She had done all she could to make a better future for gems like her. She only wished she could speak to Garnet again. Hear Bismuth’s laugh. Spar with the new recruits.

See Rose, one final time.

Blue’s footsteps stopped at the end of the hall.

Pearl glanced after her.

Blue’s hands were curled into fists, her chest heaving.

Pearl straightened. “What?”

Blue strode toward the control panel outside Pearl’s cell. With a few swift movements, the bars retracted.

“We don’t have much time,” Blue said quietly. “The Topazes are on a schedule. There will be one to check on you in twenty minutes. I can lead you to where the Ruby and Sapphire are being held.”

Blue started back down the hall but Pearl stood still, her feet frozen to the ground.

She opened and closed her mouth half a dozen times, trying to formulate a question.

“Are you deaf?” Blue pressed, glancing at Pearl over her shoulder. “We need to leave. Right now.”

“How do I know this isn’t a trap?” Pearl finally managed. “What possible reason could I have to trust you?”

“I was touched by your devotion to your friends,” Blue said quietly. “Take my offer now, or I’ll leave you to the scientists to be dissected.”

Pearl was skeptical, to say the least.

“What’s the real reason?”

Blue whirled around. She pushed her hair out of her face with her hand, and Pearl took an involuntary step backward.

Pearl had never seen Blue’s eyes before.

They were much smaller than a Pearl’s eyes ought to be. They were sunken into her head, the skin around them worn down and wrinkled from past damage. Thick black cracks criss-crossed their way down her cheeks, all of them stemming from where tears would have begun.

“Blue,” Pearl gasped out, “who did this to you?”

She didn’t need to ask that question. They both knew the answer. But Pearl felt she had to ask it anyway, just so that she could have the chance to be proven wrong.

Blue pointed a finger at her accusingly, her eyes blinking frantically as they adjusted to the light.

“You don’t know what my life looks like,” she grunted out, like each word was poison.

Pearl gazed at her with pity. “I knew Blue Diamond was a monster, but...this is…”

Blue’s eyebrows shot upward. “You think _Blue_ Diamond is…”

She burst into uproarious laughter. She doubled over from the force of it, clutching her stomach.

“What?” Pearl asked impatiently. “What are you on about now?”

Blue straightened, her smile fading. “My Diamond might make me cry. But didn’t you ever wonder what _your_ Diamond did to her first-”

Blue started to choke. Her eyes went wide. Her right hand jumped up to cover her mouth, while her left flew to her throat, clawing at it as she continued to gag and retch.

Pearl reached toward her with an aborted motion, unsure of what to do. “Blue?”

Blue shoved her hands down to her sides, her chest still heaving. “Can’t.”

Pearl understood.

She watched Blue sadly. It wasn’t enough for Blue Diamond to mutilate her Pearl by forcing tears to fall from her eyes whenever she felt the slightest bit upset. Blue Diamond was cruel enough to physically prevent her Pearl from sharing secrets.

Pearl suppressed a shiver. Thank the stars she wasn’t owned by Blue Diamond. Pink would never treat her like this.

“Come on.”

Blue turned to leave, but Pearl grabbed her arm.

Blue ripped her arm away but turned back all the same, her eyes filled with disdain. “What.”

“You want us to win,” Pearl mused. “Don’t you? You want the Diamonds to fall.”

Blue just glared at her.

A small part of Pearl wanted to shut her mouth, grab Ruby and Sapphire and run as far away as she could. She never wanted to see Blue Pearl again.

But.

_“I think your shoes are nice.”_

“Come with me,” Pearl blurted out.

Blue raised an eyebrow. “Have you lost your mind?”

“Please,” Pearl begged. “We can help you. You can be free.”

Blue smiled thinly, her eyes dipping down to the floor. “You’re so young, Pink. So full of hope.”

Pearl bit back her retort.

_Don’t call me that._

“You were the first person who was ever kind to me. Let me repay that kindness.”

Blue pursed her lips. “Alright. I’ll let you do something for me.”

Pearl’s breath caught in her throat.

Could it be? Would she have a friend, an equal to fight at her side for the first time in her long life?

“Never tell anyone that I helped you.”

And just like that, that measly kernel of hope inside her was gone. Dead, and reduced to dust.

“If my Diamond ever found out…” Blue closed her eyes as an involuntary shiver ran down her body. “Needless to say, your silence is imperative to my survival.”

Garnet’s smile, her eyes shining in the starlight, the look of relief on her face when she realized Rose wasn’t going to call her an abomination. All this flashed through Pearl’s mind in an instant.

_“I don’t...upset you?”_

She had sounded so much like a human child back then: terrified, and in desperate need of a friend.

“We don’t need to hide. We’re perfect the way we are. You can come back with me. You can fight for your freedom.”

Blue laughed humorlessly. “I can’t fight.”

“If I can, anyone can. I’ll help you. Rose will help you.”

Blue curled her lip derisively. Her eyes were filled with dark mirth. “Rose? Pink Diamond is a coward. She always has been.”

Pearl froze.

She tried to speak, but the words wouldn’t form.

“H-how…” she managed eventually. “Who- who said anything about Pink Diamond?”

Blue’s eyes widened in realization. A loud clang sounded from behind her. Quick as a flash, she swept her hair back over her face. “That’ll be the Topaz guards. Go down this hallway, make a sharp left. You’ll find them both. Keep going down that corridor, you’ll eventually find your way to the on-site warp pad. Whatever you do, stay away from the heart of the ship.”

Pearl was going to be sick. She didn’t get sick, she never had, but she was. “Blue, please-”

“Go!” she hissed.

Pearl pulled her forward and into a fierce hug.

Blue’s whole body stiffened under Pearl’s arms. How long had it been since she had been hugged?

Had she _ever_ been hugged?

Pearl let go.

Blue grabbed Pearl’s wrist long enough to press a small, square object into her hand.

“May the stars look favorably upon you,” she whispered.

Pearl ran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: a JAILBREAK!!! (buh-dum-tiss)


	21. No, We’re Not Ready for Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A blue Pearl walked in, her hands clasped in front of her, her head bowed to the ground. Her hair colored the same as Earth’s sky hung in front of her eyes in sheets, and on her chest, her gem gleamed.
> 
> Ruby huffed a laugh, and hissed halfway through it as she felt a stab of pain pierce her abdomen.
> 
> “Time to take me away?” she called, her whole body protesting at the effort to make her voice sound as loud and imposing as possible. “They should’ve sent more than a Pearl to do the job. I’m not going without a fight.”
> 
> The Pearl stiffened. “You really shouldn’t underestimate Pearls, you know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, this is a long one!! Hope it makes up for the time I made you guys wait :)

Pearl still had the small device Blue had shoved in her hand clasped between her fingers. She lifted it, inspecting the side covered in small indentations. 

Pearl recognized it now. It was a communication device. Small enough to keep hidden, but powerful enough to reach across galaxies. Blue had left a message on its smooth, black face:

 _FOR THE FUTURE,_ it read.

Faint voices echoed down the hall. It was only a matter of time before she was spotted.

She was going to need a disguise. 

Bismuth had shown her how to do this, one long, hot day in the forge. But Bismuths were made to shapeshift at will- Pearls weren’t. 

On the other hand, Pearls weren’t meant to have any kind of power at all. 

Pearl couldn't be the only one that was different. The other Pearls must have looked up at the stars and wondered what it might be like to hold them in their grasp. 

Whatever she was, whatever Blue had been keeping from her, it didn’t matter. Pearl refused to believe that some strange experiment in a Tourmaline lab was what gave her the mind she had. Her mind was her own, and it always had been. 

No matter who Pearl changed into, she’d still look like herself. There were some things you just couldn’t change- color was the main one. She could stand here for hours, and she’d never be able to make her skin blue or yellow. But she could change enough of her form that the Homeworld gems wouldn’t recognize her right away. After all, what threat did a Pearl pose on a ship as elite and heavily guarded as this one?

Pearl closed her eyes, inhaled, and concentrated.

Not on the Blue she had just seen, full of fear and scorn, with eyes that had seen things no gem should ever see. She thought of the old Blue- silent, deferential, dainty. Limbs filled with quiet strength outstretched as she curtsied. 

She exhaled, and she began to change.

  
  


◊◊◊◊

  
  
  


Ruby didn’t know how long she’d been here, alone in the dark.

If only she could get her stupid brain to stop _thinking._

She kept replaying their capture, over and over. Ruby had frozen in place. It had taken her far too long to realize what was going on. 

She should've protected Sapphire. That was what she was _for,_ after all. 

If she couldn't protect Sapphire, what was she good for? 

Her eyes filled with tears. She couldn't even wipe them away, with her hands chained to the floor. Ruby blinked, hard, and streams of boiling water fell down her face, leaving tracks of seared skin in their wake. 

A loud trill filled the room. Ruby's hands instinctively jerked upward to cover her ears, sending a fresh wave of pain through her wrists.

A blue Pearl walked in, her hands clasped in front of her, her head bowed to the ground. Her hair colored the same as Earth’s sky hung in front of her eyes in sheets, and on her chest, her gem gleamed.

Ruby huffed a laugh, and hissed halfway through it as she felt a stab of pain pierce her abdomen.

“Time to take me away?” she called, her whole body protesting at the effort to make her voice sound as loud and imposing as possible. “They should’ve sent more than a Pearl to do the job. I’m not going without a fight.”

The Pearl stiffened.

Ruby reflexively tried to summon her gauntlet. The burning ache the cuffs sent through her arm forced her eyes shut. An embarrassing whimper made its way out of her mouth.

The Pearl coughed delicately. “You really shouldn’t underestimate Pearls, you know.”

“Oh yeah?” Ruby grumbled. “Why not?”

The Pearl started towards her, her feet soundless on the floor. Ruby was too weak to try and scramble away.

“We’re very loyal.”

Ruby scowled. “To your masters.”

The Pearl inclined her head. “Perhaps.”

The Pearl crossed to the wall on Ruby's left. When she placed her palm on it, a panel opened. She pressed a few buttons, her deft fingers moving rapidly, and the cuffs fell off of Ruby's hands.

"But we’re even more loyal to our friends.”

Ruby rose to her feet, shaking. She stretched her fingers out, shaking the lingering twinge of pain out of her arms. "How...?"

The Pearl swept her hair out of her face, revealing steady, blue eyes, and a shining gem on her forehead. 

Tears filled Ruby's eyes again, this time for an entirely different reason.

"Pearl?" she asked, her voice high and small.

Pearl grinned. 

Ruby threw herself at her. 

Pearl cried out in alarm, and Ruby's body burned all over from the movement, but Ruby didn't care. She pulled Pearl down to the ground, her arms wrapped around Pearl's neck, her face buried in her shoulder. 

"Thank you, thank you," she babbled, "thank you so much, I thought I was never gonna see you again, they told me that you were gonna be shattered-"

_BANG._

The gruff voice of an Amethyst guard came through the door. "What's going on in there?" 

"Come on!" Pearl hissed. 

She pushed Ruby off of her and pulled out a pair of plain metal shackles- from where, Ruby had no clue. She gathered Ruby's wrists in front of her and put on the cuffs, making them loose enough that they almost slipped clean off. 

“Pearl, you were blue, weren’t you?” Ruby hissed. “How’d you do that? I thought nobody could change their-”

"I'm coming in!"

Pearl whirled around to face the door, sweeping her hair back in front of her face seconds before the door swung open. 

The Amethyst towered over them both. She squinted down at Ruby, her eyes skipping over Pearl entirely. "What do you think you're doing?"

Pearl folded her hands in front of her, her eyes to the floor. 

"My Diamond has asked me to bring this rebel to the execution chamber," Pearl whispered, her voice high and breathy.

The Amethyst cocked an eyebrow. "Blue Diamond asked _you_ to take care of a rebel? I'm sure she meant for you to ask one of us. I'll get the others and we'll-"

"That will not be necessary," said Pearl quietly. "My Diamond's patience grows... _thin.”_

The Amethyst paled. "Right. Well. Get on with it."

Ruby stared at Pearl, her mouth agape. How was she so good at this?

Pearl moved forward, not bothering to slink past the Amethyst, who jumped out of the way like Pearl was a ticking bomb. 

Ruby hurried out the door behind her.

◊◊◊◊

As soon as they turned the corner, Pearl started walking twice as fast. Ruby almost tripped over her own feet to keep up. 

"I overheard the guards talking," Pearl murmured. "Sapphire is this way."

At least Ruby knew they wouldn't do anything to hurt Sapphire. She was too valuable. Ruby allowed herself a small smile at the idea of Sapphire having a wonderful time somewhere in the bowels of this ship, being treated like a queen and milking it for all it was worth. 

As Ruby forced her body to keep moving despite the aches and burns still smarting from the beating the guards had given her earlier, she realized that she would do this all again. She would do this every day, if that's what it took for Sapphire to be safe. Maybe Ruby had done her job after all. 

Pearl stopped so suddenly that Ruby ran straight into her. 

"What?" Ruby snapped.

Pearl ignored her. She rushed forwards, toward a door at the end of the hall. She rose on her tiptoes to look through a small window set into the door, and her hand rose to her mouth.

"What is it?" Ruby slipped the handcuffs off, glancing over her shoulder to make sure they weren’t being watched. "Pearl, we need to get going, Sapphire's probably-"

Pearl pushed Ruby to the side, ignoring her cry of protest. She put her hand on the wall and another panel emerged, identical to the one in Ruby's cell. Pearl pressed the same configuration of buttons, but a dull tone sounded. She stamped her foot in frustration. She kept tinkering with the panel, flipping switches and entering codes into the computer's system, until the door finally unlocked. 

A rush of cold flooded the hallway. Gems weren’t supposed to get bothered by temperature, and Ruby never got cold. But somehow, her teeth began to chatter. 

She blinked, uncomprehending. 

"Sapphire?" she called.

Ruby had been wrong.

She should’ve known that Blue Diamond wouldn’t show mercy, even to a gem who was invaluable.

Ruby took in dozens of details in the same second.

Sapphire, floating two or three feet off the ground. Sparks of blue. The hum of machinery. Dozens, hundreds of wires, all connecting Sapphire to a computer on the other side of the room. Her hair brushed off of her face, her eye zipping around the room, unseeing. 

Ruby took an instinctive step toward her, arms outstretched, and everything became bathed in red light. The whining, harsh sound of an alarm echoed through the corridors. 

Pearl whipped her head around to look down the corridor. "They're coming."

Ruby looked helplessly between Pearl and Sapphire. "Pearl, I can't-"

Pearl shoved her inside the cell, closed the door, and locked it. Ruby was in with Sapphire, but Pearl was still outside, alone, where the most highly trained guards in Homeworld's empire were fast approaching. 

◊◊◊◊

Pearl cocked her head to listen.

Feet, running down the hallway, just slightly out of sync with one another. They were almost here.

"Hey! What do you think you're doing?"

Pearl closed her eyes, took a breath, and concentrated. There was no need to get Blue into more trouble than she was already in.

When she opened her eyes, she was herself again. 

Pearl summoned her spear, twisting and twirling it like a baton between her hands. 

She looked around.

She was surrounded by Amethyst guards on all sides. They were all murmuring to one another, clearly shocked by her shapeshifting ability. And, Pearl supposed, by the pointy spear. 

"Hello," she beamed. "I suppose you want to fight now. Is there any chance you could rethink that? Terrifying, renegade Pearl and all?"

Sadly, none of them ran away screaming. Pearl sighed in annoyance.

◊◊◊◊

There were sounds of fighting coming from the corridor. Swords clashing, battle cries, fists colliding with flesh.

Ruby didn't know what to do. 

Pearl was so much better at this than she was. Why hadn't Pearl let Ruby fight the guards so that she could figure out what was going on with Sapphire? Ruby was good at fighting. She knew what to do when it came to beating other gems at hand to hand combat. 

This, on the other hand...

Ruby forced herself to concentrate. 

_Pretend it’s not Sapphire._

If Ruby needed to disable a regular computer system, what would she do?

She cracked her knuckles. When in doubt, start smashing.

Ruby went over to the computer, crossed her fingers, summoned her gauntlet, and brought her fists down.

If this hurt Sapphire, she’d never forgive herself. But what other options did she have?

The computer made an earsplitting screech of scraping metal as it broke. But Sapphire was completely silent.

Without a sound, Sapphire dropped, her left hand catching the brunt of her weight as she jerked the right away from the hard ground. The floor froze when she touched it, icicles bursting from the ground all around her body.

Sapphire looked up, eye shining. “Are you really here?”

◊◊◊◊

The guards were gaining on her. 

Pearl had already broken one of her spears against an Amethyst’s whip. She had two spears in her hands, now, both braced against the meaty hands of another Amethyst pushing down on her. The others were hanging back to cheer their friend on, like this whole thing was some sick, twisted game instead of a fight to the death. 

Pearl’s back was against the door to Sapphire’s cell. If she could hold out a little longer, if she could just gather more strength to put behind her blows-

“Attention,” said an unfamiliar voice, “this is an official message from the most high, Blue Diamond’s own illustrious Lace Agate, to all Amethyst guards. Get _back_ to your posts before I come there and _shatter_ you myself!”

Pearl and the guards froze in place, their weapons still out and pointed at each other.

Pearl drew her spears back. “Uh, what?”

“Are you _deaf?”_

All the Amethysts winced.

Their eyes all went to a spot above Pearl’s head. Pearl turned in bemusement to see an intercom speaker, with an attached microphone. 

The Amethyst that was just fighting her coughed uncomfortably. “But, my Agate, there’s a Pearl here that-”

“Are you telling me,” the Agate screeched, “that _seven_ of you are wasting my time squabbling with a Pearl? Do you expect me to believe that a Pearl poses any sort of threat to anyone? Leave her alone to do what her master demands!”

Pearl grinned cheekily at the guards. She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t enjoying this.

The Amethysts backed off, muttering to each other.

“It should be fine, I guess,” said the tallest one.

“That door’s made by Bismuths,” murmured the curly haired one. “Even the Tourmalines wouldn’t be able to break in, much less a Pearl who’s never used a computer in her life.”

The one with the darkest skin straightened. “But, we heard the alarm-”

“Silence!” the Agate roared. “You have exactly ten seconds to return to your posts. Ten, nine, eight…”

The Amethysts bolted. 

Pearl breathed a sigh of relief. She vanished her spear and slid down the door, her knees to her chest. 

“That will be all, Pearl,” said the Agate.

Pearl bit down on her tongue to keep silent.

“You must thank Blue Diamond,” the Agate continued, “for warning me about this disturbance.”

Pearl frowned. What was she talking about?

“Yes, my Agate,” came Blue Pearl’s lofty whisper. “My Diamond will be most grateful to you for righting this wrong.”

◊◊◊◊

  
  


Ruby grinned in relief. “Yeah, of course. Of course I’m really here, Sapph.”

She took a step forward, and her knees gave out.

“Ruby!”

Sapphire rushed over. Ruby waved her off, her other arm tight around her abdomen. Stars, it _ached_. 

“It’s fine,” she croaked out. “Really.” 

Sapphire’s gaze turned stony. She straightened, fists clenched, her whole body a pillar of strength. “They hurt you.”

It wasn’t a question.

Ruby bit her lip. She never was any good at lying to her. “Sapphy-”

“They _hurt_ you.”

Sapphire’s gaze was filled with rage, yes. But there was so much sadness there, too. 

After being together for so long, it only made sense that they would be able to read each other’s expressions. Ruby didn’t have to ask. She knew how upset Sapphire was- but on top of being able to feel that agony like it was her own, she felt horrible that _Sapphire_ was feeling horrible.

Why did love have to hurt so much?

Sapphire took Ruby’s hands in her own and hauled her to her feet with surprising strength. Ruby’s body screamed at the movement, but she went without complaint. 

“Let me fuse with you,” she pleaded. “You shouldn’t have to have to endure this all by yourself. Please.”

Ruby swallowed nervously. Dozens of protests were ready to rise to her tongue. But looking into Sapphire’s eye, she couldn’t get herself to speak any of them aloud. 

She nodded. “Okay.”

Any doubt she had, any anguish or sorrow, all of it was wiped away when Sapphire smiled.

◊◊◊◊

As soon as the Amethysts disappeared around the corner, Pearl clawed herself upright. 

She reopened the panel on the wall, hands flying across the controls to reopen the cell.

What was she thinking, leaving Ruby alone with such an obviously complicated piece of machinery? 

The door clicked open.

“Ruby?” Pearl called. “It’s alright now. I’ll figure this whole thing out, don’t you worry about a…”

Pearl’s voice died in her throat.

The tense muscles in her shoulders relaxed. Despite everything that had happened, she laughed.

Garnet grinned back at her.

No words were needed. They both knew what the other was thinking.

Hand in hand, they left the dark cell behind and crossed the final few feet to the Galaxy Warp. 

Garnet’s hand was warm in hers as the world faded away into a brilliant stream of white light.

Pearl couldn’t wait to see Rose again. 

◊◊◊◊

  
As soon as she did, though- as soon as she spied Rose’s big, sad eyes staring at her across the camp- she burst into uncontrollable tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments saying anything at all give me life. Please let me know what you thought!


	22. Strangeness and Charm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They started down the path, Rose dragging Pearl along. 
> 
> "This should be wonderful," Rose murmured, "don't you think? It's so gratifying to see that the humans are recognizing what we're doing for the planet."
> 
> "Yes," Garnet said after a moment's hesitation. "That is...definitely what's happening."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some world building fluff as a bit of insulation against the wave of angst that’s coming...
> 
> Sorry for taking so long to update!! I promise, I’m not dead, and not going on any kind of hiatus!

The human dropped their basket with a surprised gasp. Fruits went tumbling across the ground, bouncing against the stones.

"Let me help you with that," Rose said gently. She knelt down, gathering up the fruits that lay at her feet.

The human seemed frozen, mouth agape with wonder. Pearl allowed herself a small smirk. Rose had that effect on everyone.

The human collapsed onto their knees like a puppet with cut strings. "Please forgive me, my lady!"

"Oh boy," Bismuth muttered. "Not another one."

Pearl's hand moved to rest on the pommel of her sword. Her spears were much more effective, of course, but it would help for the human to see a tangible weapon. 

Rose flushed pink. "Uh...don't worry about it?"

She glanced back at the others.  _ A little help here? _

Pearl hurried forward. "Erm...rise, human! Your...transgressions have been...uh...forgiven."

The human rose shakily to their feet. Their eyes filled with tears. Pearl rolled her eyes. 

"Please, come back to town with me!" the human begged. "We're almost ready for the celebration in your honor!"

Pearl shot Garnet a sidelong glance.  _ How should we handle this? _

Garnet shrugged. She went over to the human, placing a comforting hand on their shoulder. "That sounds like fun. Lead the way."

The human grinned, bouncing on the balls of their feet with newfound energy. They ran back the way they came, the basket of fruit all but forgotten.

"Garnet!" Pearl hissed. "What are you thinking?"

Garnet adjusted her visor, a small smile playing at her lips. "It's time to go with the flow."

"You have to be joking."

"Aw, come on, Pearl!" Rose whined, her hands wrapping around Pearl's upper arm. Pearl instantly flushed at the close contact, something in her short-circuiting at the scent of Rose's hair so close to her face. "We don't do  _ anything _ fun anymore."

"I- I suppose," Pearl stammered.

They started down the path, Rose dragging Pearl along. 

"This should be wonderful," Rose murmured, "don't you think? It's so gratifying to see that the humans are recognizing what we're doing for the planet."

"Yes," Garnet said after a moment's hesitation. "That is...definitely what's happening."

  
  


◊◊◊◊

  
  


This was a terrible idea. 

The humans had pulled Rose over to a wasteland of brambles and dead flowers. 

With a soft murmur and a few touches, Rose had brought the entire garden back to life. Wonderful, yes, but a complete waste of energy. Why waste their time helping the humans make their settlements more beautiful when they could be concentrating on fighting the war that would determine the fate of the entire planet?

A few of the smaller, slighter humans had run over to the newly created garden, picking roses off the vine left and right. Pearl frowned. Rose had just brought those flowers to life- why were they killing them all over again?

Bismuth made a strangled noise from her left. Pearl glanced over, sword in hand, ready to bolt, but Bismuth was laughing. The smaller humans were climbing on top of her, swinging from her arms, and absolutely  _ pelting  _ her with petunias. One of them crept up from behind and threw a garland of laurels on Bismuth’s head. It landed lopsided.

The sight was humorous, yes. But Pearl was much too high-strung today to lower her guard and laugh. 

"I don't like this," Pearl said to Garnet. "It seems extremely suspicious."

She turned to the side to find an empty space where Garnet had been.

"Garnet?" she called.

She spotted her on the other side of the clearing, surrounded by the smaller humans with arms full of flowers. 

"All the goddess's attendants receive the best and the brightest," said one of them, placing a garland of daisies on Garnet's head. "My mom says that if we treat you really nicely, we'll fall in love in the next five years."

Garnet tilted her head. "This festival is for love?"

The small human nodded vehemently. "Of course! It's all about Venus, silly! That's why it's called Vene- veneral...ven-er-ail-ee-yuh. For your lady. You showed up just in time."

Garnet smiled. It was striking how different she looked, right now. Garnet could be a pillar of unbreakable stone, a deadly force that laid waste to any enemy that dared cross her on the battlefield. But here, she seemed so much smaller. 

On Homeworld, it was understood that small stature denoted uselessness. The bigger a gem was, the more power and status she held. But Garnet did not seem weak. She seemed gentle, and kind. 

Pearl shifted uncomfortably at the thought of Homeworld. What would they think of this? A fusion, living her life to enjoy the comforts of Earth, away from any battlefield or violence. It was unheard of. It should have been impossible. But somehow, it worked.

Garnet lifted a flower from her crown and placed it in the human's hands. "Thank you."

The human's eyes went wide. "Can I keep this?"

Garnet chuckled. "Of course you can."

The human wrapped their arms around Garnet's shoulders, their feet kicking dust up from the ground in their excitement. "Thank you thank you thank you!"

Pearl giggled despite herself. 

Garnet looked up at the sound. She raced over to Pearl, daisies flying off of her and landing on the ground, buoyed by the gentle breeze. She gripped Pearl's arms, her smile so wide that it looked almost painful.

"Pearl, this whole festival is to celebrate love. All love. I knew Earth was beautiful, but this is just fantastic."

Pearl opened her mouth to reply when she felt a tug on her skirt. She looked down to see a small human, even tinier than the others she had seen.

The human dropped a huge bundle of flowers at Pearl's feet. They were mostly red and black roses, but had a few unfamiliar flowers mixed in.

Pearl crouched down. She wasn't good at talking to humans. She always left that to Rose. But Rose was a few dozen yards away, being bathed and wrapped in fine fabrics by a swath of humans who thought she was a deity. 

Pearl lifted one of the unfamiliar flowers. "Hello...tiny human. What do you call these?"

"They're gladiolus-es, miss,” the human responded quietly. “My mom calls them sword lilies. They’re for the person who’s really strong and brave and protects the goddess from bad guys."

Pearl smiled gently. “Would you like me to deliver them for you?”

The human looked confused. “They’re for you, miss.”

Pearl froze. "These are for me?"

The human nodded solemnly.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, miss.”

Garnet nudged her in the ribs, gently. “Say thank you.”

Pearl blinked down at the human, now twisting their hands together in shyness. 

“Thank you,” Pearl choked out. “They’re beautiful, and I appreciate them very much.”

The human gave her a huge, gap-toothed smile. “You’re welcome!”

◊◊◊◊

The rest of the night was a blur. Drums, torches, dancing, shouting. 

Rose loved every minute of it. She danced right alongside the humans, learning their customs with ease.

Pearl stayed on the sidelines. It’s beautiful, of course, but it’s nothing like Homeworld.

Rose would agree, but she’d be happy about it. Why wasn’t Pearl?

  
  


◊◊◊◊

Rose left the humans with a gift before they moved on.

“My tears,” Rose murmured to the human she left the vial with. “They will heal all your injuries and sickness. If you mix them with water, you’ll have even more.”

  
  


◊◊◊◊

  
  


They didn’t return to that place for several years. When they came back, the humans were gone, but the flowers were still in full bloom. A bowl-shaped cavern had been carved into the ground, with a statue wearing a familiar face standing in the middle, tall and proud. 

Water, tinged slightly pink, flowed almost silently from the statue’s eyes into the basin below.

“It’s a fountain,” Rose breathed, eyes huge. “Did they really make this for me?”

Bismuth stared slack-jawed as Garnet stepped forward, letting the cool water run between her fingers.  


Pearl was ecstatic. Tinkering with the engineering would occupy her for months. 

If she had months, that is. Who knew when any of them would cease to exist? There was a war going on, after all.

But for all her cautious practicality, Pearl never thought that this would be the last day the four of them ever had together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daisies for true love and hope
> 
> Petunias for anger
> 
> Laurels for ambition
> 
> Gladiolus for strength of character, loyalty, and infatuation
> 
> Red roses for romantic love
> 
> Black roses for death
> 
> -
> 
> Fun fact about Daisies- “The daisy is two flowers in one: The large outer petals make up one flower, and the cluster of tiny petals that form the center ‘eye’ make up another.” Rather appropriate for Garnet, don’t you think?
> 
> -
> 
> This is probably the most self-indulgent thing I’ve ever written. Ancient Rome, flower language, and Pearl introspection??? Guh.
> 
> -
> 
> Some concept art for this chapter is going to be the next work in a series I’m creating for this work.


	23. Bon Idée

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was so very sick of this war. It turned everyone into monsters. 
> 
> “Sure, Bismuth,” she said despondently. “Go ask Rose what she thinks of your little assassination plan.”
> 
> Bismuth stood with a foreign abruptness.
> 
> “I will!” she snapped. 
> 
> Pearl didn’t watch her go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t tell your secrets to anyone  
> Because ideas are vulnerable  
> As soon as you say your idea out loud  
> Then it can go and live on its own  
> Don’t tell your mother that you are afraid  
> Don’t tell your lover that your heart might break  
> Don’t tell your gods that you no longer believe  
> Because as soon as you say it out loud  
> They will leave you
> 
> -Regina Spektor, “Bon Idée”

They sat on a cliff face a few miles from the fountain overlooking motionless, silvery water. The sun was fading into the horizon, dyeing the clouds deep oranges and pinks.

Bismuth broke the silence first.

“Do you ever think,” Bismuth began, “that we’re making a mistake?”

Pearl hummed noncommittally, filled with a fuzzy contentedness from the relaxation of the past few days. If she tried hard enough, she could still smell the gladiolus flowers and see the wide, bright eyes of that tiny human who had given them to her. 

It was so nice to be able to sit and think about nothing.

But, of course, it could never last for long.

Bismuth’s words finally caught up with her, and she snapped to attention.

“What?” she asked, her voice still slow and soft.

“With all of _this._ ” Bismuth made a vague, expansive gesture.

Fear sliced through Pearl like a knife. Bismuth couldn’t leave them. Pearl would do anything to stop that from happening. 

“Of course not!” she shrieked. “Rose is the most wonderful, brave-”

“I don’t mean that,” Bismuth hissed. She took a breath, but closed her mouth, thinking better of it. “I just- it’s not all about Rose, you know.”

Pearl blinked in confusion, her shoulders relaxing. “Then what do you mean?”

“Why are we doing this?” Bismuth asked bluntly. “Why are we causing so much destruction?”

“Because we have to! In order to protect the Earth, fighting is the only way. We have to do everything in our power to stop Homeworld from creating more Kindergartens on this planet. The life already existing here is too precious for us to allow Homeworld to take advantage of it.”

Bismuth was silent for a moment, and Pearl couldn’t help but feel like she was having a silent conversation with herself. “You sound like you’re reciting something you memorized.”

Pearl blinked rapidly, at a loss for words. “I-well, I-I didn’t…”

Bismuth’s mouth tightened into a thin line. “You don’t have to convince me to fight. You know how much I love it. Hell, I _live_ for it. But if you’re not fighting for the right reasons, in the right way, it means nothing. _We_ mean nothing. Don’t you think that you need a cause to fight for, not just a leader? If we’re just destroying for destruction’s sake and not to build a better future, then doesn’t it mean nothing?”

“Bismuth,” Pearl chastised.

“I’m fighting for freedom,” Bismuth continued, her eyes still downcast, her mouth curving up into a cruel sneer. “But do you even want to be here? Or are you just doing whatever Rose tells you to do? How is that any different than serving the Diamonds?”

A bolt of fear raced up Pearl’s spine. _She means in general. She doesn’t know._

Pearl forced herself to wait a full five seconds before letting the words flood out of her mouth. 

“You either trust Rose, or you don’t,” she snapped.

Bismuth clenched her jaw. “It’s not as simple as that.”

Pearl sagged into the ground, dropping her head into her hands.

“What do you want, Bismuth?”

“If we’re going to fight the Diamonds,” Bismuth growled, “then let’s _fight_ the _Diamonds._ ”

Pearl chuckled nervously. “Sure, Bismuth.”

“I’m serious.”

“How do you propose we do that?” Pearl asked shrilly. “They never walk upon the ground. What, you want to- to break into a Diamond’s personal vessel and _murder_ her? That’s preposterous! And it wouldn’t help a thing.”

“It might not be as hard as you think.”

Pearl recoiled. 

_Pink’s wide eyes, filled with fear and shock. A sword thrust through her abdomen, cleaving her gem in two._

Pearl mentally shook herself. _Get it together._

That would never happen. Pearl would protect her. No harm would come to Pink Diamond- or Rose- as long as Pearl was alive. 

She was so very sick of this war. It turned everyone into monsters. 

“Sure, Bismuth,” she said despondently. “Go ask Rose what she thinks of your little assassination plan.”

Bismuth stood with a foreign abruptness.

“I will!” she snapped. 

Pearl didn’t watch her go.

  
  


◊◊◊◊

Pearl scanned their troops, ducking in between tents and running across the battlefield, trying to find Bismuth before they went into battle. 

They had never finished their conversation. Bismuth was running headfirst into a battle still thinking that Pearl was angry with her. 

If something happened to either of them…

Pearl couldn’t think like that.

But Bismuth was _nowhere._

“She went ahead,” Rose explained, a comforting hand on Pearl’s shoulder, after Pearl had burst into the command tent, completely out of breath. “She’s going to infiltrate the Ziggurat before we attack, pretending to be one of the Bismuths working on its construction.”

Pearl relaxed. Her head drooped down, her hand coming up to rest on top of Rose’s. “Oh, thank the stars.”

  
  


◊◊◊◊

“Where’s Bismuth?”

Rose vanished her shield and placed her sword down onto the table. She was turned so that the two of them couldn’t see her face, but her silence spoke volumes.

Pearl rushed to her side.“Rose?”

Rose finally turned, worrying at her bottom lip with her teeth. If it were anyone else, Pearl would’ve called that gesture almost...guilty. But this was Rose. Surely she had nothing to be guilty about.

“Our battle had many losses. Bismuth... _Our_ Bismuth was one of them.”

Garnet swiped a hand over her eyes, dissipating her visor. Her eyes brimmed with tears, all three of them searching Rose’s face for any hint of deception. “What?”

Pearl’s hands began to shake. She forced herself to sit down on one of the stools in Rose’s tent before she collapsed. 

“Rose, was she shattered?” Garnet asked, her voice cracking.

Rose was silent for a moment, and Pearl’s eyes shot to her own. Was there a reason why Rose was being so reluctant? Was there some top-secret information regarding Bismuth’s…

Pearl couldn’t even think of the word.

Maybe Rose just wanted to be alone with Pearl. That wouldn’t be anything new. Pearl was Rose’s sole confidant and assistant commander- more often than not, Pearl was the only gem who could be trusted with information Rose had gathered about the enemy. Pearl inclined her head slightly toward Garnet, her eyes full of meaning.

_Do you want me to ask her to leave? Is this one of those things you need me to keep secret?_

Rose only shook her head, both in a dismissal of Pearl’s not-so-subtle gesture and Garnet’s question. “I didn’t see her shattered.”

“But who captured her?” Garnet asked, her voice tight with tension.

“Garnet,” Rose pleaded, “I didn’t see her captured, either. I...I just lost track of her. For all we know, she’s still out there somewhere.”

“Then why did you say we lost her?” Garnet snapped.

“Is she lying in some corner of the battlefield?” Pearl asked. “Should we go look for her? I’ll have us warped back to the ziggurat at once to search-”

Rose held up a hand, and Pearl clammed up immediately. “No, Pearl. No, I...I don’t believe Bismuth is still on this planet.”

“I’ll ask you again, Rose,” Garnet growled. Pearl had half a mind to remind her to watch her tone, but she faltered when she saw how Garnet’s arms were shaking. “Who captured our Bismuth?”

Rose swallowed, blinking rapidly. “A group of Tanzanites.”

Garnet fell to her knees, tears running down her face.

“Garnet!” Pearl scrambled over to her side.

“Garnet, it’s alright,” Pearl soothed. “Homeworld wants Bismuths. Yellow and Blue Diamond need good weapons. They need gems to rebuild...to rebuild their...” 

Dumbly, Pearl watched Garnet’s tears drip slowly from her chin and onto her lap.

Pearl didn’t completely understand why, but it deeply unsettled her to see the normally cool and collected Garnet break down like this. It was ridiculous to think about, given how new Garnet was to the rebellion, but Pearl couldn’t help but feel that Garnet was their backbone. That if Garnet broke down, there wasn’t any hope for the rest of them.

“I…” She tripped over her words, hearing the hysteria in her voice only grow. “Th-they need good dropships, and- and towers, and buildings. Now- now more than ever.”

Her eyes shot to Rose, towering over the both of them. “Bismuth can’t be… Right? She just can’t! Rose, tell me I’m right!”

Rose hesitated for much longer than Pearl would’ve liked. “We can’t know for sure that she was captured, Garnet.”

“Tanzanites are under Blue Diamond’s jurisdiction,” Garnet said, her voice almost eerily calm. “They’re even worse than Agates. If it were one of Pink Diamond’s Amethysts, or even one of Yellow’s Tourmalines, there might have been a chance, but…”

Pearl’s mouth suddenly seemed very dry. The only reason the two of them had escaped Blue Diamond’s ship alive was because of her Pearl.

Blue’s Pearl wouldn’t feel any sympathy for a Bismuth she had never met. There was no chance at all.

“You’re right.” Pearl’s voice sounded dull and unnatural even to her own ears. 

“Pearl?” Rose asked.

“According to the traditional hierarchy, Bismuths are even lower than…” Pearl swallowed her nausea. “Than Pearls. Blue Diamond has no patience for lesser gems. As soon as she gets back to Homeworld, our Bismuth will be...”

The unsaid word hung in the air.

Rose’s eyes dropped to the floor after a moment, breaking the tension. “I hadn’t thought of that.”

Pearl smiled ruefully, still clutching Garnet’s arm. “Of course you didn’t. You always see the best in everyone. Even a monster like Blue Diamond.”

Garnet abruptly stood, throwing off Pearl’s hand. “Excuse me.”

And with that, she stalked out of the tent. Pearl pushed the flap back open impatiently, and saw Garnet standing on their local warp pad.

She called after her, but Garnet had already vanished in a beam of light.

A warm hand dropped onto Pearl’s shoulder. Pearl turned to see Rose smiling worriedly at her, her eyebrows creased. “Maybe you should go after her, Pearl.”

Pearl nodded resolutely, and headed out to the warp pad.

She needed a task. Her service to Rose was the only thing keeping her from breaking down entirely.

◊◊◊◊

  
  


The forge looked daunting without Bismuth. Ghostly. Cold. The night wind howled through the stones of the cliff. The cavern that housed the doors looked like a gaping maw, teeth jagged and lips cracked as it let loose a silent, endless scream. 

Garnet knelt before it, like a human in worship.

Pearl stepped toward Garnet, trying not to startle her.

“Garnet?” she called.

As she got closer, she realized Garnet was speaking.

“...should have kept her safe,” Garnet was saying, her voice sadder than Pearl had ever heard it. “We should have seen that this was going to happen.”

“It’s my fault,” Garnet continued. “I changed your future vision. It’s been all over the place since we fused.”

Wait. What?

“You know you only made me _better_.” Garnet’s voice cracked on the last word.

Pearl’s eyes fell to Garnet’s hands. They were resting beside her on the ground, palms up. As Pearl got closer, she noticed that they were wracked with tremors. The left shook much more violently than the right, just for a split second, before Garnet clenched the hand into a fist.

“Bismuth was the heart and soul of the rebellion,” Garnet practically shouted. Pearl nearly jumped out of her skin at the abrupt change of tone. “How are we going to do this without her?”

After that, Garnet was silent for a long moment. Maybe this...this whatever-it-was was over and done with?

Pearl inched closer, but just as her hand was about to make contact with the other gem’s shoulder, Garnet started speaking again.

“I can’t see how,” Garnet said, her voice practically a whisper, “but we’ll manage. We have to.”

Pearl couldn’t keep quiet any longer. “Garnet? Are you alright?”

But Garnet didn’t react at all. Pearl couldn’t help but feel slighted. She’d had enough of people ignoring her back on Homeworld. 

“Garnet-”

“How are we going to get weapons?” Garnet continued. “How are we going to have _any_ chance of beating the Diamonds?”

“We’ll find a way.” That was the first voice, the sadness now tinged with a hint of hysteria.

“No, we won’t! You know that as well as I do. This is the end of everything we-”

“Garnet!”

Garnet stiffened. Her head twitched minutely toward Pearl, but otherwise, she didn’t move. The sliver of her face that Pearl could see was just enough to see the set of Garnet’s mouth harden into a thin line. 

“You should go, Pearl,” she said, her voice terse, but still so, _so_ soft. It had always been the kind of voice that made one feel safe.

Pearl twisted and turned her fingers at a desperate pace. “But-”

Her fists, united, slammed into the ground. It cracked and shuddered, making the ground beneath Pearl’s feet shake its lament. 

Pearl jolted backwards.

 _“Leave!”_ Garnet bellowed.

She all but ran back to the warp pad. 

Pearl stopped right before she reached it. Where would she go?

She sat, huddled on the ground, instead. 

Pearl had hoped, somehow, that Garnet would want to fuse again. That Pearl would get to feel that warmth, complete and perfect, more than once in her life.

She wrapped her arms around herself in a laughable imitation of Garnet’s embrace. This could break them. They were barely dragging themselves through this war. Homeworld had always outnumbered them. What did they have that Homeworld did not?

A warmth settled next to her.

Pearl’s eyes shot open, her vision blurred with tears.

Garnet laid a hand on the ground next to Pearl, palm up.

Gently, hesitantly, Pearl took it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Which would you rather see next:
> 
> -Blue, Yellow, and Pink (with their pearls, of course)  
> -Rose and Pearl


	24. Amadeus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Garnet,” Pearl began, pushing down on the instinct to be patronizing.  
> “It’s not that I didn’t enjoy our little...escapade. But we have to prioritize.”
> 
> Garnet’s expression didn’t visibly change. For what felt like the millionth time, Pearl cursed that reflective visor.
> 
> “Escapade?” Garnet echoed, dully, shaking her head. “Her name is Sardonyx.”
> 
> Pearl waved her hand dismissively. “Don’t change the subject. My point is, your situation is different. Ruby and Sapphire love each other.”
> 
> Garnet’s lips parted in surprise.
> 
> “You think I don’t love you?” she asked softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amadeus (noun)
> 
> Pronunciation: ahm-uh-DAY-uhss 
> 
> Definitions:  
> 1\. Friend of God  
> 2\. Loved by God  
> 3\. A command; “Love God, or else!”

“Would you fuse with me?”

Rose looked up, startled. “Now?”

Pearl closed her eyes, steeling herself. A sharp pain in her throat heralded a fresh batch of tears.

She needed to stop this. She couldn’t get herself to stop imagining Bismuth shattered, crushed without a thought, screaming for help that would never come, locked away in endless darkness and agony-

Pearl’s eyes opened with unexpected ease. Her breathing was calm and even. Her hands were still clenched into fists. Her fingernails dug so hard into her palms that if she were human, she would’ve been dripping blood. It grounded her, somehow. “Yes.”

Rose ducked her head, fiddling with her hair in a display of shyness that Pearl had never seen from her. “I thought...wouldn’t you rather fuse with Garnet, instead?”

She hazarded a glance up at Pearl, strands of her soft, pink hair falling into her eyes.

Her eyes had always been so very big. Pearl could drown in them, if she tried.

Stars, did she want to try.

Humans were always coming up with new plants, new medicines to make themselves disoriented and giddy enough to float above all the terrible things that were going on in their lives. But human drugs didn’t work on gems.

What better drug was there to lose herself in than Rose?

“No.”

She and Garnet were still friends, of a sort. But Pearl doubted they would ever be as close as they were before losing Bismuth.

There would certainly be no more fusion. But Pearl couldn’t bring herself to mourn Sardonyx. Her heart only had so much room for grief.

Rose nodded, eyes filled with understanding.

She stood, a crooked smile on her face. Her fingers traced Pearl’s cheekbone. Pearl leaned into the touch, shuddering. Even such a small point of contact sent ripples of relief through her.

She was loved. She could relax. She could let someone else make the decisions for a while.

(Pearl would spend long, long nights, worried sick about whether Rose was using her emotional powers on Pearl in those moments. But she always dismissed it after a good, long argument with herself. Rose would never use any kind of magic on her. Of course Pearl felt relaxed in her presence, under her attention. It was a perfectly natural reaction to her ow-

To her beloved. That was all.)

“My Pearl,” Rose murmured, “it’s always been you and me. We’ll take care of each other. Won’t we?”

“Always.” Pearl answered, tone as dreamy as the rest of her blessedly clouded mind.

Rose’s hand came to rest on the side of Pearl’s face, cupping her cheek. “Just the two of us.”

Through the haze of relief, Pearl spied something hard and unyielding in Rose’s eyes.

 _“Always,”_ she repeated.

Rose grinned, a real smile, her eyes crinkling at the edges. “Good.”

It wasn’t even much of a dance. There was no pressure on Pearl to perform. Rose led her across the ground, gently spinning in circles, clothed in a warm embrace. Pearl just had to go where Rose pointed.

Was there something wrong with wanting another person to take responsibility? Pearl didn’t think so.

She pushed down the twinge deep in her heart, and locked it up tight.

  
  
  


◊◊◊◊

  
  


Rainbow Quartz opened her eyes.

She fell backwards, the soft grass like a pillow when she landed. She giggled, arms wrapped around herself.

She was loved, desperately so. The feeling was overwhelming. She lay on the ground, eyes half-lidded, basking in the power behind it.

She could do anything she wanted. This garden, this army, this planet- all of it existed to suit her every need.

What more could she want? Anything she could dream of was at her fingertips.

It felt so, _so_ good to not have to think.

It was heady. It was intoxicating.

It was everything.

  
  


◊◊◊◊

  
  


“Pearl,” Garnet began, hesitantly.

“Hmm?”

They were preparing for a battle that wouldn’t come to fruition for another week. The newer recruits were scrambling, but Pearl and the others in Rose’s inner circle were going about their business as usual. They didn’t need more than a few minutes to get ready for a fight.

“Have you thought at all about fusing?” Garnet asked.

Pearl beamed. “Of course.”

Stars, it didn’t take much effort at all to remember what it felt like to be Rainbow Quartz. For a moment, a void inside her that she didn’t know existed had been filled.

She’d felt like a barnacle on a sea ship. The metaphor was rather crass, but it was true. She now knew that she was meant to hold fast to something more powerful and more complex than she could ever dream of being- if she let go, she would be consumed.

Garnet smiled back, more tentatively. “So have I. Would you like to, then?”

Pearl tilted her head, confused. Why was Garnet asking if Pearl wanted to fuse with Rose again when it had nothing to do with-

Oh.

Oh _no._

Pearl didn’t know what to say. A peal of nervous laughter escaped her throat.

Garnet’s cheerful, innocent smile began to fade. “What’s so funny?”

“You’re not serious!” Pearl cried.

Garnet’s smile disappeared entirely. “Of course I am.”

Pearl tried to school her features into being serious, but she couldn’t stop her nervous giggles.

“Oh, no. No, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Her words came out sing-song and shrill.

Garnet went very still. “Why not?”

“I mean,” Pearl chortled, “look what happened the first time we fused! I don’t relish the idea of tempting fate again. Do you?”

Garnet tilted her head at Pearl- that was the most expressive she got, these days. “Blue Diamond tried to shatter me the first time I fused.”

That got her to clam up. Pearl straightened, raising one eyebrow in challenge. “It’s not a competition.”

Garnet took a step forward, her hands lifting towards her almost automatically, like she didn’t know she was doing it. “No. I mean-“

Pearl glanced down at Garnet’s outstretched hands.

Quick as a flash, Garnet pulled them back to her sides.

“Yes,” she forced out, after a long pause. “You are...right.”

It shouldn’t have taken Pearl this long to realize. Garnet was still so very young. Of course she would cling to whatever fun and affection she could get her hands on without any regard for the consequences.

“Garnet,” Pearl began, pushing down on the instinct to be patronizing. “It’s not that I didn’t enjoy our little...escapade. But we have to _prioritize_.”

Garnet’s expression didn’t visibly change. For what felt like the millionth time, Pearl cursed that reflective visor.

“Escapade?” Garnet echoed, dully, shaking her head. “Her name is Sardonyx.”

Pearl waved her hand dismissively. “Don’t change the subject. My point is, your situation is different. Ruby and Sapphire love each other.”

Garnet’s lips parted in surprise.

“You think I don’t love you?” she asked softly.

Pearl chuckled. “Oh, come on now. We both know what this is really about.”

Garnet seized Pearl’s left hand and held tight to it with both palms pressed against her skin. “Pearl.”

Pearl opened her mouth, the flippant answer ready to spring from her lips.

The realization hit her with the force of a ton of bricks.

She should have felt overjoyed. But for some reason, she didn’t. Not at all. She felt wildly uncomfortable. Like there was a coiled snake squirming restlessly in her abdomen. She shuddered at the thought.

Garnet slowly released her hand, her gems gliding against Pearl’s skin. She moved away, slowly, like she was trying not to scare Pearl away.

They both just stood there, uselessly, staring anywhere except at each other.

Pearl broke the silence first. “I don’t know how to explain this.”

“You can try.”

Pearl sighed. She sat down on the cool grass, patting the patch of green beside her. Garnet sat without a word, a foot and a half away.

Pearl let the grass run through her fingers. “You are your own reason for existence. Ruby and Sapphire...their love sustains them. Sustains you. You’re your own gem.”

“So are you.”

Clipped, terse. Reprimanding.

Pearl nodded jerkily, her lips thinning into a harsh line. “Technically. Yes.”

“Then what is this?” Garnet made a sweeping gesture up and down Pearl’s form.

Pearl gazed back at the ground “It’s not you, Garnet. It’s just that Rose is what sustains _me._ She’s my life. My reason for existence. She always has been, and she always will be.”

Garnet sat still for a moment, digesting her words.

She stood, abruptly, a pillar of strength only emphasized by Pearl gazing up at her from the ground.

“I thought Earth was about second chances,” Garnet said. “New beginnings. Throwing away the roles that Homeworld forced us into. Choosing for ourselves. I guess I was wrong.”

Pearl felt like she should correct her. But wasn’t Garnet right?

Some things were just too important to throw away.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always thought it made no sense that Garnet and Pearl didn’t fuse on a regular basis in the show. I mean, Garnet is the Queen of fusion. It shouldn’t have been a rare occurrence.
> 
> Unless something happened that made Garnet take a step back. 
> 
> And without knowing it, Pearl dug her own grave. Pearl never realized what she was missing until she no longer had Rose to fill that void.
> 
> https://www.instagram.com/p/BxtbpcKFc0o/?igshid=1k3msxon7qrvc


	25. FILE NAME: [ENCRYPTED]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ATTEMPTS TO SUBDUE SUBJECT: 
> 
> 1\. Unsuccessful  
> 2\. Unsuccessful  
> 3\. Unsuccessful  
> 4-29. Unsuccessful

FILE NAME: [ **ENCRYPTED]**

CLEARANCE LEVEL: **DELTA RHO**

RESEARCH TEAM: **Tourmalines 1CO through 1QZ**

STATUS OF RESEARCH TEAM AS OF PRESENT VIEWING: **Shattered**

SUBJECT: **Omikron Tau Mu**

ATTEMPTS TO SUBDUE SUBJECT: 

1\. Unsuccessful

2\. Unsuccessful

3\. Unsuccessful

4-29. Unsuccessful

Notes:

Further experimentation is needed to determine the full capabilities of the subject, codename Omikron Tau Mu. The combination of all four [REDACTED] essences seems to have created a [REDACTED] that is nearly unrecognizable using all known forms of scientific study and identification. 

This [REDACTED] is exactly what [REDACTED] is looking for to entertain and serve her. She is truly a baroque [REDACTED], the prize of any collection. But strong caution is advised. Unlike other [REDACTED]s, Omikron Tau Mu is believed to exhibit strong emotions regardless of orders and reveal her thoughts at her own discretion. 

It has been theorized that [REDACTED] might be able to use her [REDACTED] powers to bend the subject to her will. Further research is necessary. But it is generally believed that since emotions cannot be erased in any [REDACTED], and obedience cannot be guaranteed, this specific owner may manipulate those emotions present in her [REDACTED] to achieve obedience. 

It can never be known that all [REDACTED]s are able to feel emotions and to disobey. It would mean the end of the Empire itself. Unless she is kept restrained, the subject may have enough instinctive independent thought to figure this out for herself. Our entire civilization depends on [REDACTED]'s ability to control her. 

This file will be stored in Subroutine **RHO OMICRON ZETA** until further notice. 

**ACCESS RECORD:**

ERROR_ACCESS_DENIED 5 (0x5)

Access is denied.

ERROR_ACCESS_DENIED 5 (0x5)

Access is denied.

ERROR_WRITE_PROTECT 19 (0x13)

The media is write protected.

config.autoload_paths += %W(#{config.root}/app/policies #{config.root}/app/roles)

class FilesController

def show

@file = File.find(params[:id])

authorize! :read, @file, ' **You do not have access to this file**.’

def current_policy

@current_policy ||= ::AccessPolicy.new(current_user)

end

policy.can?(:EDIT, File) #=> true

**Access is granted.**

Decrypting...

Decrypting...

Decrypting...

**FILE NAME** : RAINBOW_PEARL:tempdir\tmp.txt.INFO

  
  


WELCOME, **DELTA** **LAMBDA**.

  
  


EDIT by **DELTA LAMBDA** is as follows: 

01010111 01101000 01101001 01110100 01100101 00101100 00100000 01011001 01100101 01101100 01101100 01101111 01110111 00101100 00100000 01000010 01101100 01110101 01100101 00101100 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01010000 01101001 01101110 01101011 00001101 00001010 01010011 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110011 00100000 01100010 01100101 01100101 01101110 00100000 01101101 01100001 01100100 01100101 00100000 01110111 01101001 01110100 01101000 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110000 01101111 01110111 01100101 01110010 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01101110 01101011 00001101 00001010 01001000 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01100011 01100001 01110101 01110100 01101001 01101111 01101110 00101100 00100000 01100010 01100101 00100000 01110011 01110100 01110010 01101111 01101110 01100111 00101100 00100000 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01100100 01100101 01100001 01110010 00100000 01110011 01110111 01100101 01100101 01110100 00100000 01110010 01101111 01110011 01100101 00001101 00001010 01000101 01110110 01100101 01101110 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110111 00100000 01101000 01100101 01110010 00100000 01100100 01100001 01110010 01101011 00100000 01110000 01101111 01110111 01100101 01110010 00100000 01100110 01100101 01110011 01110100 01100101 01110010 01110011 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01100111 01110010 01101111 01110111 01110011 00001101 00001010

**LATEST VIEWERS:**

**DELTA MU** via **p_earl_B**

ACTIONS: Encryption restored

New encryption code: [REDACTED]  
  


Without further activity, this file will be locked automatically in 30 seconds.

Thank you.


	26. Keeping it Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her eyes must have been playing tricks on her. It couldn’t possibly be-
> 
> Pearl’s mouth fell open in shock. She vaguely registered Blue Pearl glancing at her, confused, but she was frozen in place.
> 
> At first, the bubbles appeared to be filled with gems of all shapes and sizes. But there was something wrong. It was easy to tell, even from this distance. 
> 
> These weren’t gems. These were shards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Rose couldn't have known!”
> 
> -S2E8, Keeping it Together
> 
> https://www.instagram.com/p/B9aZhANJVp0/?igshid=10y8fw32itbzk
> 
> This is one of the first chapters I wrote for this story, and one of the very first ideas I had.

Pearl had forgotten how startling it was, being in the presence of a Diamond.

She was so used to Pink that she forgot what it was like for others. The Crystal Gems often whispered to each other about Rose’s intoxicating, comforting aura. But they just thought it was a byproduct of how Rose _was-_ they didn’t think there was anything suspicious about it.

Pearl knew better.

It was most noticeable with the others. When a gem was around Yellow Diamond, it mostly presented as a constant, aggravating buzz deep within their ears. Hair would stand on end. Gems would constantly look over their shoulders for an enemy they were sure was about to pounce.

It affected Pearls in just the same way, but it was much harder to deal with when you weren’t allowed to move or speak.

Pearl tried her best to listen closely when Pink talked with the other Diamonds. But it was so, so difficult. Her mind kept trying to wander, to tune out the conversation. _It’s not your place to listen._

“Don’t look at me like that,” Yellow was snarling. “You would have done the exact same thing in my position.”

Pink ran a hand through her hair impatiently. “Nothing gives you the right to commandeer _my_ generals to help put down a rebellion on _my_ colony without even telling me!”

That explained the Pezzottaites at that skirmish at the Beta Kindergarten, then. Pink hadn’t had the faintest idea that her generals were being deployed that day. 

Yellow scoffed and turned her attention back to her screens. “You have your hands full enough, Pink. You didn’t need to be troubled with overseeing another Kindergarten.”

Pink stamped her foot impatiently. “Can’t you just trust me? It’s _my colony!”_

Yellow Diamond’s fingers stopped in mid air. She turned her head deathly slowly towards Pink and narrowed her eyebrows. “You want me to _trust_ you? After you let a rebellion break out right under your nose?”

“Just tell me what you’re working on!” Pink pleaded. “Tell me what you think I should do! Why were you talking about fusions? What are you planning?”

“You’ve lost the privilege of learning about my plans through your utter incompetence,” Yellow drawled.

Pink took a deep breath. “Why did you call me here, then? Just to gloat? Just to try and make me feel small?”

Yellow chuckled. “You are small, dear.”

Pink let out a frustrated shriek. “ _Yell-ow!_ ”

A smile began to creep up Yellow Diamond’s face, but she forced it down, pursing her lips. It took all of Pearl’s willpower not to scoff. Yellow was _enjoying_ this. She was treating Pink terribly just for some in-house entertainment. How could she do that to another Diamond?

“Have you noticed the weapons that your Rose Quartz is using in battle, Pink?”

Pink just waited, knowing that Yellow would cut her off regardless. 

“They’re _fusions._ Of completely different gems.”

Pink’s eyes went wide. “Yellow-“

“I know,” Yellow said sympathetically, completely misreading Pink’s reaction. “Blue burst into tears when she heard. The Pearls still haven’t recovered.”

Pearl cringed at the thought. The image of Blue Pearl, cracks embedded in the skin of her cheeks, echoed behind her closed eyelids.

“What’s your point, Yellow?” Pink asked. “What’s going on here?”

“Those _fusions,”_ Yellow spat, “they may be abominations, but they are, admittedly, very powerful. I’ve organized a few teams of Tourmalines to create fusions resembling the rebels, but their attempts have been unsuccessful every time. The gems are simply too afraid or too disgusted to attempt to go through with it, no matter how much they’re threatened.”

Pearl screwed her eyes shut. She couldn’t stop herself from thinking about Garnet. Garnet, her visor glinting in the sun. Garnet, her eyes wide and trusting as Rose encouraged her to be herself no matter what. 

Garnet would despise Pearl if she could see her right now, standing to the side of this conversation and doing nothing to intervene.

“But,” Yellow concluded, “I believe I have found a solution.”

Pearl instinctively turned to Yellow Pearl, standing ramrod straight beside her. But her expression betrayed nothing.

Behind them, a warp pad sounded. Pearl almost fell to her knees at the feelings of hopelessness that threatened to overwhelm her.

Blue Diamond, then. 

Individually, Blue and Yellow were hard to handle, even for the toughest gems. But together? They were rage and sorrow, lightning and ice, a searing, burning pain both inside and out.

“Hello, Pink,” came Blue Diamond’s silky voice as she crossed the room to join her counterparts.

Blue Pearl dutifully stepped into place on Pearl’s other side without a word. 

Pink blinked in surprise. “Blue. I- I didn’t expect to see you here.”

Blue Diamond headed straight for Yellow’s throne and sat, ignoring Yellow’s squawk of indignation. 

A ghost of a smile flitted across Blue’s lips. “I heard Yellow was going to show you her new project today. I didn’t want to miss the look on your face when you realize how quickly you’re going to be rid of this pesky rebellion once and for all.”

Pink grinned so convincingly that Pearl almost doubted her. “That sounds wonderful.”

Pearl shifted in her place. Her dress seemed awfully tight all of a sudden.

Yellow tsked. “Blue, please get off my throne.”

Blue chuckled. “As you wish.”

As Blue Diamond stood, Yellow flicked her finger towards the other side of the room. Yellow’s Pearl ran to the opposite wall and pulled a small lever that had been invisible moments before. With a rumble, the wall split in two and melted away, revealing an entire room filled to the brim with yellow bubbles.

Yellow took a seat on her own throne, grumbling all the while as Blue Diamond laughed gently. 

Pearl ached to run forward and see the room up close, but she had no excuse to move unless Pink asked her to.

She squinted, leaning forward as much as she could without drawing too much attention. 

Her eyes must have been playing tricks on her. It couldn’t possibly be-

Pearl’s mouth fell open in shock. She vaguely registered Blue Pearl glancing at her, confused, but she was frozen in place.

At first, the bubbles appeared to be filled with gems of all shapes and sizes. But there was something wrong. It was easy to tell, even from this distance. 

These weren’t gems. These were shards.

These were pieces of gems long dead sewn and stitched together like those deaths had no meaning at all.

Pearl had lived a long life. She had seen many horrible things. But something about this made it almost worse than all the other horrors she had faced. 

Slowly, carefully, Pearl extended her hand toward Blue Pearl’s. Their pinkies touched, and Blue quickly jerked her hand away. Pearl swallowed her disappointment.

“You can’t do this!” Pink exclaimed.

Yellow rolled her eyes. “Please, Pink. I know you like to think that every creature in the universe deserves our _mercy_ and _compassion._ But we’re only using lesser gems for this experiment. We can easily make more of them.”

Pink was the very picture of distress. “No gem deserves to be treated this way, Yellow. It’s- it’s- _monstrous_.”

“Oh, Pink,” Blue chided, “Get over yourself.”

“Blue! I won’t stand for it. It’s horrifying.”

“I told you she’d throw a fuss,” Yellow Diamond muttered to Blue. “Any time we try to do something nice for her, she throws it back in our faces.”

“This is something you thought I’d _like?”_

Blue sighed. “Yellow, why don’t you suggest your alternate plan?”

The two Diamonds stared at each other intently, obviously having a silent argument. Eventually, Yellow threw up her hands and crossed them over her chest unhappily. Blue Diamond smirked.

“I knew you might be upset about us using any of our loyal gems for a project like this. So Yellow and I came up with a more…conservative plan to help you defeat that rebellion.”

Yellow only grumbled, sinking further into her chair.

Blue coughed pointedly.

“Fine,” Yellow snarled. “I’ll instruct my soldiers to only use the shards of rebels for this project. We certainly have enough of them. Are you happy now?”

“Yellow...even...even traitors don’t deserve this kind of treatment.”

The smile slid off Blue Diamond’s face as quickly as it had come. “I can’t _believe_ you, Pink. Can’t you see we’re trying to help you?”

“Blue-”

“I’ve had enough of this,” Blue said, pinching the bridge of her nose. “We’ve agreed to leave our own gems out of this project. Why can’t you be happy with that? I know you have a soft spot for that planet of yours, but be _sensible_ for once. We can finally use those traitorous gems for the purpose they were made for.”

Pearl shivered. _To serve the order of the Diamonds._

“But-”

“ _Goodbye_ , Pink,” Blue said, a warning tone coloring her voice. “I trust you’ll pass along our command to your own soldiers. Any rebel they manage to shatter, they send back to Homeworld.”

“Blue, you can’t-”

“Even the ones they can’t shatter,” Yellow added. “We’ll do it for them if we must.”

“ _Yellow-_ ”

“Our Pearls will see you to your legs, Pink,” Blue interrupted.

Yellow Diamond clapped twice. The three Pearls sprang to attention and hurried over to Pink. Pearl took her place two steps behind her, while Yellow and Blue’s Pearl stopped in her path.

“This way, Pink Diamond,” the two said in unison, bowing low.

“I can find my own way, thanks,” Pink huffed, brushing past the Pearls and heading for the door. 

Pearl hurried for the door handle, pulling it open before Pink could reach the threshold.

“And Pink,” Blue called.

Pink gritted her teeth. “Yes?”

Pink didn’t turn around, but Pearl did. She craned her head over her shoulder, just to get a good look at Blue Diamond for the first time since they’d entered the room. Blue had the strangest expression on her face. If Pearl didn’t know better, she would say that it was almost... _loving_. 

Blue Diamond looked at Pink with just the barest hint of genuine affection, and it was terrifying.

“It really was good to see you again,” Blue finished.

Pink laughed humorlessly. “I’m sure.”

  
  


◊◊◊◊

  
  


Pearl talked when she was upset. It was a subtle reminder to herself that she was still in control of her own fate, no matter how bad the circumstances were.

It was a testament to the severity of the situation that Pearl found herself without a thing to say.

The ride back to Earth was silent.

When they landed in a place in the barren desert, far away from the Crystal Gems’ current encampment, Pink spoke.

“You can’t tell Garnet,” she said.

Pearl’s eyebrows shot up. “What?”

Pink sighed, her hands on the control panel, head bowed.

“Pearl,” she began, voice strained, “as your Diamond, I need you to listen to me. You can’t tell Garnet about this.”

She turned to face Pearl, eyes pleading. “You can’t tell _anyone._ Do you understand?”

Yes.

_Yes._

Every instinct in her body screamed at her to comply.

Her hands shook as she tried to speak, to fight past what she knew she was supposed to say. 

“But this is wrong!”

Pink took an involuntary step back, her eyes wide with shock. Pearl gasped, brimming with apologies and excuses and-

No. 

Her hands were shaking, but they were curled into fists. And that’s all that mattered.

“You don’t understand,” Pink replied, voice soft and threatening.

“Why can’t _you_ understand?” Pearl exclaimed. “I’ll never betray Garnet like this. The Crystal Gems deserve to know what’s going on. And I’m going to tell them.”

For a moment, Pink was silent. Tension hung in the air, and Pearl felt her body involuntarily begin to tense, muscles coiled, ready to sprint.

What had she done?

What the _hell_ had she gone and done?

_I’m sorry._

_I’m sorry. I’m so sorry._

Pearl opened her mouth to choke the words out past her rapidly-closing windpipe, but they wouldn’t come. 

Something changed in Pink’s eyes- like a door closing, leaving only gentleness behind.

“Look at you,” Pink praised, her mouth twisted into a half-smile. “That was wonderful.”

Pearl’s mind short-circuited for a full five seconds. 

“I, uh...what?”

Pink’s grin widened. “I told you I wanted you to do what you wanted. I’m so proud of you, Pearl.”

Pearl laughed nervously, her gaze darting all around the ship.

Pink gently took one of Pearl’s hands and encased it in both of her own. She knelt down so she could look Pearl directly in the eyes, and sighed.

“You see the best in everyone. It’s a wonderful talent to have. But for as much as I love Garnet, and all the rest of the Crystal Gems, I _know_ them. I know what they’re like. For all their good qualities, they’re still just gems. They can become afraid. If they found out about this plan, it would only cause chaos. They would be terrified to fight in battle. This knowledge being made public could mean the end of the Rebellion itself.”

“I wouldn’t be afraid to fight,” Pearl argued, halfheartedly, her own hackles lowering as Pink continued to smile at her. “If it were me, I would want to know. It would make me fight harder.”

Pink tilted her head, her smile curving into something saccharine and gently teasing. “That’s because you have something that no other gem has. You’re unique, Pearl. You’re something special.”

“Can’t we tell them?” Pearl asked, hating the whine in her voice that made her sound much younger than she was. 

Pink stared into Pearl’s eyes intently. After a few moments, she pulled back, triumphant, like she had found some lost object she was looking for.

Pink nodded, still smiling. “I will tell them. I promise.”

Pearl’s whole body relaxed. “Oh, thank the stars!”

They chattered about nothing for a while, as Pearl got everything ready for them to leave and shifted back into her normal attire.

Right before they exited the ship, Pink stopped, her back to Pearl.

“Just- let _me_ tell them, alright?” she asked, her voice taking on an edge that had disappeared since they left Homeworld. “It would be better that way. Don’t mention any of this to the others. We wouldn’t want false rumors to spread. Let me handle it.”

Pearl hesitated.

Pink turned to look at her, eyebrows creased in worry. “You do trust me, don’t you?”

“Of course,” responded Pearl automatically. If she wasn’t meant to be Pink’s servant, she could still fill the holes in Pink’s life to make it better. The other Diamonds never trusted Pink with anything. Pearl could be that person for her. Pearl could make her happy. “I trust you with everything. Forever and always.”

Pink extended a hand for Pearl to take. Pearl blinked at it, feeling a blush rising high on her cheeks. She giggled, foolishly, before taking it. 

  
  
  


◊◊◊◊

  
  
  


Pearl never did see Rose tell Garnet what they had discovered. But ever since their stilted conversation about Sardonyx, Pearl and Garnet had kept their distance from each other. It wasn’t like Pearl would know about it when it happened. 

She was sure the conversation had taken place. And Pearl must’ve been right- the knowledge only made Garnet fight harder. There was no need for Pearl to get involved. 

There was no one she trusted more than Rose, after all.

Right?


	27. Daniel Cowman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Groans and screams and swords clashing flooded her ears. Some gems were realizing what had happened, and wailing in despair.
> 
> Pearl didn’t have that luxury.
> 
> She tried to say it, just once.
> 
> Pink Diamond is still alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On the day that Daniel Cowman stopped existing  
> The world should’ve ended right then and there  
> At precisely 4:15 when he stopped existing  
> The world should’ve ended
> 
> How could it go on?  
> How could it go on?  
> How could it go on when  
> I don’t exist?
> 
> And now that we got that straight  
> Doesn't mean that I can fly  
> Doesn't mean that I can go do whatever I want  
> Now that we got that clear  
> And you know that I'm not here  
> Doesn't mean that I can go do whatever I please
> 
> -Regina Spektor, “Daniel Cowman”

It makes sense. It’s the natural culmination of events. They were always going to end up here, and Pearl knows that.

_ As long as you are there to rule, this colony will be completed. _

Earth was saved. The Diamonds wouldn’t even spare a glance at this colony before moving on, cursing Pink’s incompetence and frailty.

Pearl almost laughed. They would never know that Pink was the strongest of them all. And they wouldn’t even care enough to try to find out.

Up until the moment it happened, Pearl was proud. Stars, so _proud_ to be the gem that Rose trusted above all others.

Now, she stood, hidden behind trees a few yards away from the palanquin. Useless. Cowardly, and broken.

Groans and screams and swords clashing flooded her ears. Some gems were realizing what had happened, and wailing in despair.

Pearl didn’t have that luxury.

She tried to say it, just once.

_ Pink Diamond is still alive. _

Her free hand slapped over her mouth before she could form the words, with none of the grace and gentleness of Pink.

She could stay silent. She had no other choice. 

But even Pink couldn’t stop the tears escaping from her eyes, completely and totally without her consent.

It would be stupid for her to wonder,  _ what have I done.  _ She knew exactly what she had done. She also knew why she had done it.

There truly had been no other way.

But where did she go from here? She felt hollowed out inside, like the Pearls who were dragged away, ranting and raving at the loss of their masters before being quickly and quietly shattered.

What was she  _ for _ now?

She gripped Pink’s gem even tighter in her unfamiliar hands.   


It was almost funny. They had always been moving toward this. Pearl was _made_ for this. She knew there had to be a reason why she was different. Why she could shapeshift into a gem’s exact likeness, colors and all.

She had no identity. She was created to be shaped by others.

It didn’t matter what Pink said, or how she looked. Pearl would be there for her for the rest of her existence. 

A thought hit her with the speed of an incoming missile. What would happen if Pearl just walked away, right now, and left Pink’s gem in the dirt?

Pearl shuddered at the thought. How could she possibly think anything like that, even for a moment?

She was in shock, right now. That had to be the name for this numb feeling, making her go off on tangents and think about things she would never do.

She was just being a coward. She needed to face what was to come.

Pearl squeezed her eyes shut with a shudder. She would be haunted by the sight of Pink’s eyes, right at the last second, wide with pain and fear, until the day she died.

“Over here!”

Pearl jumped at the sound. 

“The traitor! Go, now!”

Pearl fled.

The branches of the winding, willowy trees tore and snatched at her limbs and face as she ran, but she paid them no mind. 

She had to get to a safe place, and watch over Pink until she reformed.

That was all that mattered, now. She’d figure the rest out later.

Rose would tell her what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a very hard chapter to write. But I heard Regina Spektor’s crazy song, listened to it over and over, and thought- oh. There’s Pearl. There she is.
> 
> This chapter was very nearly called Samson:
> 
> Oh I cut his hair myself one night  
> A pair of dull scissors in the yellow light  
> And he told me that I’d done alright  
> And he kissed me ‘til the morning light  
> The morning light  
> And he kissed me ‘til the morning light
> 
> And the history books forgot about us  
> And the Bible didn’t mention us  
> Not even once
> 
> You are my sweetest downfall  
> I loved you first
> 
> -Regina Spektor, “Samson”


	28. The Blight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The worst part of it, of course, was that they were warned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hERE WE GO
> 
> https://www.instagram.com/p/BvYVM6HFPfM/?igshid=1e35j7ay3k8wl

The worst part of it, of course, was that they were warned.

“You don’t understand!” screamed the Citrine they’d caught trying to sneak into their encampment. “They’re planning an attack. They’re going to destroy us all. I’m trying to give you a chance to escape before-”

“Save your breath,” Garnet snarled. “We won’t believe any of your lies.”

The Citrine opened her mouth again to speak, but the words never came. Pearl had thrust her spear into the gem’s eye socket before she got the chance.

  
  


◊◊◊

“Do you think we’ll ever go back?” Garnet asked. “To Homeworld, I mean?”

Pearl shook her head. “Rose won’t go.”

Garnet hesitated. “Is it bad that I miss it? That I want to see it again, someday?”

Pearl straightened. It’s been months since Garnet last talked to her with anything but coldness. Garnet was still a good five feet away, her eyes trained on the ground, but at least Garnet was speaking to her again. 

If Pearl messed this up, Garnet might never speak to her again.

There was no way out but honesty.

“Sometimes, I miss Homeworld so much that it hurts,” Pearl admitted.

Garnet stared at her, too surprised to remember to keep her distance.

“Sometimes, you…when you get used to living a certain way, even if it’s bad, you want to stay like that. You want things to stay the same. You want to keep feeling the way you do, just because you’re even more scared of the unknown than you are of whatever horrible life you happen to be leading. Because since you’re used to it, you think it’s safe. What if I’m wrong, you think. What if this was actually wonderful all along, and I was just taking it for granted?”

Pearl clenched her hands into fists.

“But that’s why we have minds!” she exclaimed. “We’re not just instincts, and- and joy, and fear. We can think. We can feel. We’re supposed to be able to choose the good, even if everything is screaming at us to stay where we are. And we have to hope that whatever life we choose ends up better than the one we started with.”

Garnet looked thoughtful. “Is that what you did?”

Pearl smiled. “Of course. My life is completely different now. And I’m better for it.”

  
  


◊◊◊

  
  


“Well?”

Rose shot her a look. Pearl sighed. She knew it was no use, trying to interrupt. But it had been nearly twenty minutes of silence.

Without any warning, Garnet’s shoulders relaxed. The pure white faded from her eyes, leaving their normal colors behind. She lowered her hands, summoning a new visor, and ran her thumbs over the lenses.

They waited for her to speak.

“You have to understand,” she began. “It’s very difficult. There’s so much I don’t know- so much I can’t factor in. I don’t know which futures are likely, because I don’t know enough about the gems we’re fighting.”

“That’s okay,” Rose soothed. “We understand. Anything you could tell us would still be better than nothing.”

Garnet’s gaze unfocused, staring at an indeterminable point in the distance. “In terms of futures I can understand? They all end the same way. We are defeated. Very few are shattered- the vast majority just stop, out of nowhere.”

Pearl tilted her head, confused. “How could we stop existing if we aren’t shattered?”

Garnet shook her head. “I don’t know. But it hurts. That’s all I can see. Confusion, madness, and unrelenting pain that lasts for thousands and thousands of years.”

Rose’s face was ashen. “Oh, my stars.”

Pearl forced down her emotions. This was a time for strategy.

“An attack from the Diamonds, maybe?” Pearl proposed.

Rose shook her head, her expression suddenly murderous with rage. “No. They don’t care about the Earth, not anymore. Pink Diamond is shattered. There’s no reason for them to care about one little colony.”

Garnet nodded in agreement.

“Of course,” Pearl acquiesced. 

All she could see was the affection brimming in Blue Diamond’s eyes. Could the other Diamonds really have such indifference for Pink that they wouldn’t even _try_ to avenge her death?

Pearl was being foolish. Rose knew the Diamonds much better than Pearl ever had. If she said they wouldn’t care, then she was right.

  
  


◊◊◊

  
  


>> **INCOMING MESSAGE TO EMERGENCY COMMUNICATOR, DESIGNATION OTM**

>>SOURCE: Homeworld Base, Designation MΔM

>Decrypting…

>Message contents:

GET AWAY. THEY ARE GETTING READY. YOU WILL ALL DIE. THEY DO NOT CARE WHO IS HIT. RUN NOW.

>Message status: Unopened

  
  


◊◊◊

  
  


Blue Pearl’s communicator rang, rang, rang, but Pearl didn’t notice, with it locked neatly away inside her gem. She was _very_ good at compartmentalising, after all.

  
  


◊◊◊

  
  


(Homeworld troops all around the globe would receive similar messages over the span of the next few hours. Unlike Pearl, they read the message. Most of them listened. They ran, not knowing that it wouldn’t make a difference.)

  
  


◊◊◊

  
  


“It’s alright that you miss Homeworld,” Rose said gently. 

Pearl peered up at her. She couldn’t help but feel like a human child: small, selfish, and much more trouble than she was worth. But at the same time, full of potential. Malleable. With the capability to become something better, one day, if the right person helped her grow. 

“Do you miss it?” Pearl asked in a small voice, even though she already knew the answer. 

“Never.”

“Why not?”

Rose took a moment to actually consider the question. “Because this planet has given me something to believe in for the first time in my life. Freedom and peace and... _life. Real_ life. Where any gem can throw protocol and tradition to the side and choose what she wants to do.”

Rose turned and gazed at Pearl through the fan of her eyelashes. “Or who she wants to love.”

Pearl ran forward. She threw her arms around Rose’s neck, and Rose picked her up, spinning her in circles, laughing the whole time.

The rest of Pearl’s life could be like this. Loving Rose, surrounded by their friends, driving Homeworld back until they forgot about the Earth altogether.

Even then, she couldn’t quite believe it.

  
  


◊◊◊

  
  


Humans had a way of mythologizing events. Something as ordinary as rainfall or the growth of crops was thought to be caused by the ever-changing moods of some godlike overlord that was deaf to the pleas of humankind.

Pearl had always thought it was ridiculous.

But that was what they did, in the end, to cope with what had happened.

Corruption, they called it. Nonsensically. There was no word to describe it. It was beyond language, beyond all understanding unless you had lived through it. But that was the word they chose, nonetheless.

Corruption had a lot of meanings.

_The action of making someone or something morally depraved._

_Dishonest or fraudulent conduct by those entrusted with a position of authority, often for one’s private gain._

_The process by which something is changed from its original use to one that is thought to be wrong or debased._

This is the word they chose for what happened next. But it was so, so much more than that.

  
  


◊◊◊

  
  


At first, Pearl thought she had gone blind. 

They were in the middle of a battle. Nothing out of the ordinary. One of the last skirmishes, Pearl was sure, before Homeworld decided to withdraw entirely, bored of the Earth and bored of their little rebellion.

The ground was red as rust- whether that was natural or from the blood of humans caught in the crossfire, Pearl would never know.

But just as Pearl was gaining the upper hand against a Topaz armed with a double-pointed staff, something grabbed her around the middle and dragged her backwards.

Pearl was too shocked to make a sound. Before she knew it, she was up against Rose’s side, the light from the dim sun tinted pink through her shield. Rose’s face was twisted in agony, like...like she was expecting something to happen.

And then, nothing.

Or rather, everything.

It meant about the same thing, when she thought about it.

  
  


◊◊◊

They called it corruption amongst the three of them. But the humans- the poor, ignorant humans- they couldn’t make sense of it. All they knew was that a blinding light had lit up the sky. Those with their eyes turned upwards were blinded for life. It was a cruel irony that their eyes, once all types of colors and shades, would be a milky white even after they died.

The humans didn’t call it corruption. At first, it was just “the light.” There was no need to specify which one.

But as generations soldiered on and those who had lived through it died off, it changed. “The light” stayed, but with an accent on the second word. “The blight,” they called it. The word went on to be associated with many things. 

_Becoming pale,_ in the sense of human sickness. It would describe nearly any disease, affecting humans or animals or plants or all of the above. 

Once the humans began to compile documents, tomes upon tomes of banal information read only by the most studious of scholars, they would cite the word as _an invisible baleful influence,_ or _anything which withers hopes or prospects or checks prosperity._

It was spot on, Pearl thought. Spot on.

◊◊◊

When it was over, there was silence.

Rose dissipated her shield with a sigh, falling onto her hands and knees. Pearl blinked her eyes, hard, her swords forgotten on the ground as she rubbed them fiercely. Even then, the white spots remained.

Pearl scanned the field around them. There had been hundreds of soldiers here, rebels and Homeworld soldiers alike. 

It hadn’t been truly quiet since the war started.

Hundreds of gems lay in the dirt. They didn’t look any different, but Pearl knew that Garnet’s prediction had come true. They were dead. 

A horrible wailing sounded from behind her. She barely heard it.

Pearl just stayed there, staring at the hundreds of corpses lying on the ground.

What made her different from the carcasses under her feet? 

Maybe if she just stayed here, stayed very still, she would become one of them. It would be a relief, to not have to face the consequences of what she had done.

What she had caused.

This was all her fault.

 _Why_ did she do it?

◊◊◊

She hadn’t yet known what would become of the gems she thought she had killed. It was almost worse.

◊◊◊

“Pearl.”

There was a hand on her arm. A voice, sharpened like ragged glass.

“We need to leave,” the voice pleaded. “They’re going to attack us. I was wrong- they’re not dead, they’ve been turned into monsters. _Please._ I need your help. I can’t do it on my own.”

Pearl shook her head minutely with a twitch. “It doesn’t matter.”

_“Pearl.”_

A single, shining eye, right in front of her face.

“You need to help me get us to safety,” Sapphire pleaded. “We’re going to be attacked unless we move _right_ _now_ , and I don’t know if we’ll survive it.”

“Don’t you get it?” Pearl seethed. “It doesn’t matter. Nothing you’re saying matters. Everyone is dead. Everyone is gone. I don’t care if we all-”

“For Rose,” Sapphire said, her voice firm and unwavering. She reached out and wiped a tear from Pearl’s cheek. “You need to do this for Rose. If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for her. She’s still alive. She _needs_ you.”

Pearl nodded. She took Sapphire’s gloved hand, and together, they walked towards the only other gems on Earth.

Pearl would soldier on. She’d do it for her. She had to.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been thinking about how to handle this almost since this fic’s inception. I hope I handled it well.


	29. Epilogue: Steven Edition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What’s the matter, Steven?” Pearl asked, keeping her voice as low and calming as possible.
> 
> Steven fidgeted with his blanket.
> 
> “Do you guys hate me because I killed Mom?” he asked, so quietly Pearl almost missed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternately titled: Denial, Anger, and Acceptance.

**Steven, age 9.**

Steven quietly got up in the middle of the night and sat next to Pearl where she was keeping vigil on the couch. 

She still watched him sleep more often than she’d like to admit. But tonight, Garnet had glared until Pearl agreed not to.

Garnet had never said anything about the couch.

His feet hung above the ground- not swinging, like they usually did, but still and rigid. Pearl glanced sidelong at him. He had a blanket wrapped around his shoulders, his face snuggled up against a corner of it with his mouth and one cheek covered.

The clock on the microwave told Pearl that it was around 3 AM- far earlier than Steven usually woke up.

He looked troubled by something, but appeared physically unharmed. His eyes were watery enough that she ruled out leading him back to bed and tucking him in again without a word.

“What’s the matter, Steven?” Pearl asked, keeping her voice as low and calming as possible.

Steven fidgeted with his blanket.

“Do you guys hate me because I killed Mom?” he asked, so quietly Pearl almost missed it.

Pearl snapped to attention, spine ramrod straight.

“Steven…” she trailed off, completely taken off guard. “Why would you say such a thing?”

Steven shrugged, shockingly unbothered by the words that just came out of his mouth. “It makes sense that you would. I’m just sorry that I took her away from you. I don’t know how I can make up for it, but I’ll try. I promise.”

Pearl reached out and scooped Steven up in her arms. He looked surprised, but not upset. She wrapped the blanket more tightly around him and sat him in her lap, pressing her cheek into his hair.

“We could never hate you, Steven. I’ll admit that when you were born we were a little...confused, and maybe even resentful.”

Steven tensed in her arms. 

“But not anymore!” she hurried to clarify. “We love you, Steven. So much. Rose...Rose was so  _ good _ . Sometimes, it can be hard to understand why good people make the decisions they do. But you just have to trust that whatever they do, it’s for the right reasons, even if you have doubts.”

“How was having me the right reason?” Steven asked, his voice still so small in the dark. “I  _ killed  _ her.”

“Oh, Steven. You didn’t. She’s a part of you now, and that’s all she wanted. To become a human being.”

“But I’m not a human being,” Steven cried. Pearl could feel his breaths shuddering as hot tears ran down his face. “I’m not a human, I’m a Crystal Gem, but I can’t even do that right! I don’t even have any powers!”

“You don’t know that!” Pearl encouraged, laughing a bit hysterically. “Steven, you have your mother’s gem. That means that when you grow up, you’ll be able to access at least  _ some _ of her powers.”

Pearl swallowed the lump in her own throat. She had no way of knowing if any of this was true. She just had to hope that Rose really did live on, somehow.

Pearl shifted so she could look Steven in the eye. She wiped away his tears with a corner of his blanket, smiling gently.

“Whenever you start to feel this way again, never doubt how much we love you. The best thing you can do is try your best to be just like your mother in every way you can. Then you’ll  _ really  _ be a hero.”

Steven grinned, the hope in his eyes completely transforming his face. “You think?”

Pearl smiled back. “I  _ know.” _

  
  
  


☆

  
  


**Steven, age 15.**

“Hey,” Steven began, drawing out the word until it stretched to four or five syllables.

“Yes, Steven?”

“You’ve got a whole lot of stuff in your gem, right? Because I’ve been looking for-”

Pearl sighed, placing the laundry basket she was holding on the floor.

“Your ukulele is in your top dresser drawer,” she started, counting out the items on her fingers. “Your newest Lonely Blade DVD is still inside Connie’s laptop, all your clean shirts are-“

“No!” Steven exclaimed, gesturing wildly. “I don’t need any of that! I wanted to ask if you had a key.”

Pearl faltered. “Huh?”

“A key!” Steven moved his hands about two feet apart to demonstrate size. “About this big, probably pink? Flowery? Maybe a little thorny?”

Pearl shifted uncomfortably. “Why do you need something like that?”

“Well…” Steven was twisting his hands in front of him, eyes directed at the ceiling. Pearl instinctually started frowning. “There  _ might  _ be a magical giant treasure chest inside Lion’s mane that I think belonged to Mom, and I can’t open it without unlocking it, and I thought you’d be my best chance since the other key I found was actually for this totally  _ separate _ thing in the desert that made me find this tape in a junkyard that made me think I had a sister named Nora and-”

Pearl’s thoughts stuttered and froze. A secret treasure chest, tucked away in a place Pearl would never think to look? Pearl should expect this by now. Yet another secret that Rose kept from her. 

Rage, white-hot, spiked through her. How many more of these would there be? How many more ways will she find out Rose betrayed her trust?

Vaguely, Pearl realizes Steven is still talking. Instead of shoving her anger down until it forms a dense mass of heartbreak pressing against her sternum, she takes a deep breath, and lets it fade away.

“Steven.”

“Sorry! But could you check for a key like that? I think it might be interesting.” Steven’s cheerful expression suddenly darkened. “At least there won’t be any more secrets of hers once I find out what’s inside of it.”

Steven blinked hard a couple of times before looking up at Pearl and smiling brightly again. There was only a slight tension visible around his eyes. 

“So, could you check?” he pestered again, sounding for all the world like he was five years old again.

Pearl softened. “Alright.”

Pearl closed her eyes, concentrating.

“I’ve got spare sets of keys to Greg’s van, the car wash, the front door, but no chest key,” Pearl admitted. “Most locks from Homeworld didn’t  _ need  _ metal keys, Steven. Nearly everything used a scanner.”

Steven visibly curled in on himself. 

“Hey, wait a second!” he exclaimed. “I could just ask Bismuth to  _ make  _ a new key!”

Pearl furrowed her brow. “Well, I don’t think that’s a very good-“

But Steven was already racing to the warp pad. He chirped a quick, “Thanks Pearl!” before disappearing in a stream of light.

Pearl picked up the laundry basket with a sigh. She was very glad she wouldn’t have to see Bismuth’s reaction to being asked to do something for Rose. 

_ She was always jealous of Rose,  _ a snide voice in Pearl’s head murmured.  _ Bismuth just wanted the Rebellion all to herself. She never wanted to listen to any of Rose’s wisdom. _

Pearl’s hands tightened on either side of the basket until she heard a distinct  _ crack. _

Plastic was so cheaply made.

  
  
  
  


When Steven returned, dragging an apprehensive Bismuth and a key the size of a large dog behind him, Pearl was tense, to say the least.

“Pearlpearlpearlpearlpearl!” Steven exclaimed, bouncing up and down with excitement. “You’re never going to  _ believe  _ what I found in the chest, it’s-“

Pearl held up a hand, and Steven faltered. She had thought long and hard about this. She couldn’t keep living life waiting for the next shoe to drop. The time of letting Rose’s mercurial moods and ill-planned decisions rule her life was over.

“I’m glad you solved your problem, Steven,” Pearl said, trying not to sound terse. “But I’d really rather not know what’s inside.”

Pearl could almost hear her instincts screaming at her to reconsider. How could she turn down a piece of evidence that could help her rationalize Rose’s actions, give her another piece of the puzzle to cling to and use as an excuse for all the mistakes Rose had made?

Steven looked confused. “You sure? ‘Cause I think you’d-“

“Come on, little man,” Bismuth interjected, patting Steven on the shoulder. “Let’s go tell someone else. I think Pearl’d like some alone time.”

Pearl smiled gratefully. Bismuth met her eyes, a look of almost uncomfortably knowing understanding passing between them.

It was time to move on. And Pearl was finally ready to do it.

  
  


☆

  
  


**Steven, age 16.**

Steven liked washing the dishes.

It was simple, repetitive, and let him make an actual difference in the lives of others. He could be a good person, washing dishes. No death defying feats required.

It wasn’t like there were a lot of those needed nowadays, anyway.

The house was eerily silent. Steven had gotten so used to noise. But Amethyst was off visiting Peridot and Lapis, Garnet was teaching one of her many classes in Little Homeworld, and Pearl was…

Steven frowned, his right hand stopping mid-scrub. Where  _ was  _ Pearl?

Steven cocked his head to listen.

Muffled, from deep within the temple, was laughter.

“No, absolutely not!” Pearl was saying, her voice tinny and far away. “It’s not a screw-on, Sheena! You need to get that strap wrench as far away from you as possible. You’ll end up ruining the entire oil filter.”

A pause.

“What? You asked-“

Another pause. Belatedly, Steven realized that Pearl must be talking on the phone. 

How strange. Everyone was moving on with their lives. Pearl was using a  _ phone,  _ talking to people, forming relationships, laughing. And what was Steven doing?

Washing dishes.

“Khadijah certainly knows how to do her hair,” Pearl continued. “But I wouldn’t let her anywhere near a device more complicated than a calculator.”

He turned his attention back to the sink. At least he could do this without hurting anyone else.

“Yes,” Pearl added after another pause, her voice growing louder, accompanied by the whispersoft sounds of her footsteps. “Yes, that should be fine. Alright, see you in a bit!”

The temple door opened. Pearl stepped out of her room, fiddling with her phone, humming a song Steven didn’t know.

Pearl turned, a slightly startled expression on her face. “Oh, Steven! I didn’t know you were here. I’m going to be out for the rest of the evening.”

She leaned forward conspiratorially. “These humans I’ve been speaking with would be absolutely _lost_ without me to tell them how to repair their vehicles.”

Steven hesitated. What an odd situation this was. Pearl was going out, spending time with friends, and here Steven was, filled with the instinct to keep her home where it was safe.

“These are Mystery Girl’s friends, right?”

Pearl cocked an eyebrow. “Who?”

“You know,” Steven gestured broadly, “the girl who gave you her number, at the Mike Krol concert?”

“Oh, Sheena!” Pearl’s eyes lit up at the name. “Yes, that’s her. Stars, it’s been so long- I forgot we called her that.”

Pearl smiled, eyes focused on the stretch of wall to Steven’s right, lost in the memory.

“And you’re...alright?” Steven hedged, breaking Pearl out of her reverie. “You’re not just...you know.”

“What?”

Steven’s mouth thinned into a straight line. He could choke out the next sentence if it would help Pearl avoid getting hurt. 

“You’re not hanging out with Sheena and her friends just because she looks like Mom?”

Pearl blinked, her expression mildly interested instead of the devastation and defensiveness Steven was expecting. “Huh. They do look a little similar, don’t they?”

Steven furrowed his brow. “Uh, yeah. They really do.”

Pearl chuckled softly, lost in thought. “I forgot.”

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m planning on a little bit more to this story, but I felt the only way to properly tell this part was through Steven.
> 
> https://www.instagram.com/p/B7Y3b-PJt-l/?igshid=un1272xbr55

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [I'll Never Sing Along- Playlist](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24480337) by [mikripetra](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikripetra/pseuds/mikripetra)




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